Ghosts of the Past
by SmurfLuvsCookies
Summary: "Your mom was in cahoots with the Akatsuki, who are now living with us! Doesn't that excite you a little?" When the Akatsuki invade their home, two teen girls are entangled in a web of secrets and mystery, with a dash of humor for good measure. Sound fun?
1. Suspicious Mops and Sumo Wrestlers

**Warning: I've done some revising, as you can tell from the lack of prologue. Don't worry, everything deleted will be explained in this chapter. None of my changes will be plot-altering, I'm just sprucing up the grammar and ridding the story of the vile toxin that is bad writing. :) **

* * *

**Chapter One: Suspicious Mops and Sumo Wrestlers**

* * *

Jayden Itishi sighed mournfully. Her cousin, Claribel Sazume, shot her a glare and went back to her sketchbook. Jaye sighed again. "What is your problem?" Clari said, snapping her sketchbook shut.

"The electricity's out, and I don't have anything to do!"

"Listen to your iPod."

"It's not charged."

"So charge it."

"The power's out!"

"Sounds like a personal problem," Clari stated, cranking up the volume on her own iPod. Jaye shot her a jealous look before scrunching her head in the pillow angrily. The night had been going perfectly fine until a huge storm racked their poor house and caused the electricity to malfunction. Luckily, Clari had some odd fascination with scented candles, so they had plenty of light. Unfortunately, the conflicting smells were making them both nauseated.

Jaye sighed again, revealing her face from the pillow. "I'm going to bed," she declared, marching up to her room.

"Okay." After a while, Clari began blowing out candles, preparing for bed herself. She was tired after a long day of doing nothing, and today was an especially draining date.

Today was the anniversary of her mother's death.

Emi Sazume had died of some sort of ailment derived from the previous demise of Clari's stepfather and Jaye's uncle, Jacob Itishi. Clari recalled having a perfect, happy family before the plane crash that killed her stepfather. Since she had no idea who her real father was, Clari thought of the kind Jacob as father, and was just as devastated as Emi after his death. They'd moved in with Jacob's sister, Lily, and her daughter, Jaye, following his death. After two or three years, Emi got sick and died too, when Clari was twelve. That was four years ago.

At age sixteen, Clari couldn't honestly say that she thought of her mother often. Her last memories of her weren't really memories at all, just trivial escapades blurred with sadness and depression. Clari couldn't even really remember the happy times when Jacob was still alive, either. Lily and Jaye were her family now. They visited Emi's grave today, of course, and Jacob's too, but that didn't stop Clari's bitter resentment towards her mother. The fact that she, at ten years old, was stronger than her mother was a difficult thing to digest. When Jacob died, Clari had no one to go to. And Emi had abandoned her soon after that. She hadn't even really fought the illness that took her away. She embraced it with open arms, leaving Clari to fend for herself.

Clari shook her head to clear it of those dark thoughts. She just needed to go to bed and sleep off the thunderstorm. There was a flash of lightning and she waited in anticipation for the roll of thunder that would seep through the music blaring from her earbuds. A movement at the window caught her eye, a shadowy blip in the otherwise blinding white light that illuminated the blinds. She paused and squinted. She saw something (or maybe some_one_) move. Another streak of lightning unveiled a perfect humanoid silhouette.

Trembling in fear, Clari scrambled out of the room. She attempted to catapult over the couch, fell right on her face when she failed, then scurried back up and bolted up the stairs to Jaye's room. When she burst open the door to the toxic waste dump, she could make out the vague bundle of blankets that was her cousin's sleeping form.

"Jaye! Jaye, I think someone's trying to break into our house! Jaye!" Clari whispered, violently shaking her cousin's shoulder. With a loud yell, Jaye jolted awake and pushed Clari off the bed. Hard.

"Clari!" she yelled, trying to untangle herself from the blankets. "Holy shit! What are you doing?"

"I think you just broke my ass..." Clari groaned, curling up on the ground and grabbing said area.

"Well, that's what happens when you mess with those of us who have a black belt in karate!" Jaye accused.

"Nevermind!" Clari dismissed, standing up. "I think someone's trying to - "

She was interrupted by a loud crash downstairs, and she felt her blood run cold. Impossible! They were already inside the house? Jaye's eyes widened with understanding and she ushered Clari into the closet. Before Clari could close the door, she'd grabbed a metal baseball bat and was swinging it experimentally. Rolling her eyes, Clari grabbed the back of Jaye's shirt and pulled her back inside the closet, shutting the door soon afterwards. Jaye inconspicuously handed Clari a mop.

"Why do you have a mop in your closet?" Clari hissed.

"Funny story, actually - "

Clari hushed her when she heard voices outside.

"What the fuck is that smell?" one person, a guy, said.

"I don't know..." said another person, this one female.

"I think it smells like the inside of a - " a third speaker (male) began.

"Whatever it is, it means that she's here. Search for her. If you find anyone else, bring them too me...alive," said another man, cutting off the third speaker.

Jaye and Clari glanced at each other nervously. They fought for a view through the crack between the door and door frame, just in time to catch a shadow passing in front of them. They held their weapons ready.

The door opened, revealing a tall man in some kind of robe and mask. Clari had time to assess only this before Jaye leapt out of the closet.

"DIE!" she screeched, swinging the baseball bat with full force. In one quick motion, the man had taken the bat and Jaye was laying on the floor, unconscious. He turned to Clari defiantly, as if daring her to be as stupid as her cousin. She timidly poked him in the ribs with the mop. "Die?"

He twisted the mop from her grasp and flung her over his shoulder, grabbing Jaye by the neck of her shirt soon afterwards. Clari struggled, but the guy was freakishly strong. Like, sumo wrestler strong. Truthfully, Clari didn't even know if sumo wrestlers were strong, but if she had to compare this guy's strength to something, it would definitely be a sumo wrestler.

He dropped them onto the couch in the living room. The rest of the group had gathered after hearing all the commotion. Clari counted nine in all. There was something familiar about them...she just couldn't put her finger on it.

"Kakuzu," one said. "I thought I told you to bring them alive?"

"She attacked me! Besides, she not dead; just unconscious," said the one named Kakuzu.

"But unable to answer questions," the leader chastised.

"She can't, but the other one can," Kakuzu pointed out. All nine pairs of eyes looked at her. She trembled and nudged Jaye with her foot, hoping to wake her.

"What is your name?" the leader asked.

"Um...Claribel Sazume...my friends call me Clari," she added. "And this is Jayden Itishi...also known as Jaye."

"Clari!" one of the nine robed figures (she thought he was the third person from earlier) said in surprise.

Clari shook her head as if to clear it. "Um, I'm sorry. Do I know you?"

The leader raised an eyebrow. "You mean Emi didn't tell you about us?"

"My mother is dead," Clari said, scowling. What was this, some kind of joke? Because if it was, it wasn't funny. At all. The nine figures had the decency to look rather uncomfortable, at least. Jaye chose that awkward moment to sit up, rubbing her forehead.

"What happened? Shit...I have the migraine from hell..." she mumbled. She noticed the nine figures. "Who the hell are you?"

The leader cleared his throat. "We are the Akatsuki. I'm Pein - "

"Did you say you were the _Akatsuki_? Are you stoned or something?" Jaye exclaimed. "The Akatsuki are characters from an anime. They don't exist."

"We are not, as you call it, 'stoned,' " Pein said. He stepped into the flashing white light of the lightning, and the girls gulped in surprise. The ringed eyes, the spiky orange hair, the glinting silver piercings...this was either the real Pein, or someone who went to quite some lengths to have an identical appearance. "We are the Akatsuki. I can supply proof, if you want. But I don't think you want that."

"What are you doing here?" Clari squeaked, shrinking into the soft recesses of the couch. _This isn't happening_, she thought frantically, racking her brain for explanations. _This isn't happening, this isn't happening_...

"You said you were Clari, right?" Pein began, turning his intense gaze towards her. It softened, just a fraction, but Clari convinced herself that it was just a trick in the lighting. "Claribel Sazume? Emi Sazume's daughter?"

Clari mutely nodded her head, wondering how the leader of a secret organization (or some psychopath who thought he was the leader of a secret organization) knew who her mother was.

"It happened a long time ago, in our world," Pein sighed, launching into story-telling mode. "The _Naruto_ world, you might call it. Emi Sazume is from that world, Clari. She was born there, she was raised there, and she conceived you there. It wasn't until she was almost three months pregnant with you that she came here, to this world.

"Emi had been our informant for quite some time, a few years. She worked as a waitress at a bar where a lot of important people went to drink, and she reported what she found. She was a very productive information source, and good at what she did. It was amazing that she was discovered, but she was. She came to us for help, and we granted it to her. It was a tricky and chakra-consuming task to get you two here, but we did. The only condition was that, in case of an emergency, we could use your house as a hide out of the most impenetrable kind. Emi agreed, and she came here. She had you, and she married Jacob Itishi.

"We used our advantage a couple years back, when you were one or two years old. We stayed for two weeks. It was during that time we learned of our..._anime_." The very word seemed to hiss from Pein's mouth, and it sent an irritated ripple throughout the group. "Anyway, we ended up burning down your house. That's why you came to live here, but we left before you did. You," he said, pointing to Jaye, "don't know about us. You've never met us. And Clari, you being so young when you did, I'm not surprised you don't remember us."

Clari and Jaye gawked at him, at a loss for words. Clari was having trouble digesting the whole situation. It was like asparagus. Or broccoli. Or worse, zucchini. It just wouldn't seem to go down.

Jaye turned to her cousin and hit her. "You lucky bitch!"

"What? Jaye, you don't honestly believe them?" Clari said, snapping out of her stupor. It seemed that denial was the only coping mechanism at this point. There was _no way in hell_ that she and her mother came from another world, one based off of a cartoon, to boot.

"Uh, hello? Have you seen them? They're exact replicas of the Akatsuki in _Naruto_!" Jaye pointed out.

"Yes..." Clari admitted, glancing over at the Akatsuki, who were waiting for them to finish. "But I do have one problem with your story - well, actually, I have a lot of problems with your story, but this one seems to be the most practical for evidence. You said that you met me when I was two, right? That was...fourteen years ago. That would make some of you like, five or six. How do you explain that?"

"Time moves differently in our world," Pein explained.

"Dammit!" Clari muttered, defeated.

"So are you gonna let us stay here willingly, or are we gonna have to kill you first?" Kisame said bluntly.

"Well, when you put it that way..." Clari said. She looked at Jaye, who shrugged. "Okay, you can stay. But you should know that we don't live here alone. Jaye's mom lives here to."

"Should we have to worry about her...?" Konan inquired.

"No, probably not. She's not home very often anyway," Jaye said dismissively. "In fact, she's on a business trip right now."

"Great," Pein said. "Now, where will we be sleeping?"

oOoOoOoOo

The house consisted of five bedrooms with a basement and small attic. Jaye, Clari, and Lily already took up three bedrooms. As they were giving the Akatsuki a tour of the house, they appointed rooms.

"Hidan and Kakuzu can have the basement, since it has two single beds," Jaye instructed.

"Fuck no! I hate basements!" Hidan complained.

"Deal with it!"

"Make me, bitch!"

"I can see this is going to be a pleasant visit," Clari remarked. In the end, Kisame and Itachi got the basement.

When they passed the living room, Clari said to Zetsu, "This couch pulls out into a bed. You can sleep here."

"Deidara and Tobi can have the guest room with the bunk bed," Jaye appointed.

"Oh! Tobi calls top bunk!" the masked man called, sticking his hand in the air and jumping up and down like an idiot.

"Whatever," Deidara pouted, expecting having to bunk with Tobi, but being disappointed either way.

"There's an air mattress and a futon in the attic, for Hidan and Kakuzu," Clari said.

"I hate attics too!"

"Tough shit!" Jaye yelled, quickly slamming the door to the attic shut.

"So, I assume that we're sleeping in the last guest room, correct?" Konan asked.

"Yes...but there's one thing..." Clari said.

"What?"

"The last guest bedroom only has one bed," Jaye explained, opening the door to said room. "But it's queen-sized, so it should be big enough for you both."

Konan's blush was instantaneous, but Pein didn't seem bothered by the predicament. "I don't care," he said, looking at Konan. "Do you mind?"

"What? Um...no, I guess not..."

"Great! Sleep tight!" Jaye exclaimed before they could change their minds and explore the alternatives, all of which required her or Clari giving up their room and bunking together. She closed the door, leaving just her and her cousin in the hallway. "Can you believe it, Clari?"

"Believe what?"

Jaye gaped at her. "Hello? Your mom came from the _Naruto_ world, was in cahoots with the Akatsuki, who are now living with us! Doesn't that excite you just a little?"

"Cahoots?"

"Oh forget it! You're hopeless!" Jaye said, turning away crossly.

"You can get as excited as you want," Clari permitted, walking towards her room. "But frankly, having nine criminal ninjas living with me is rather frightening. Therefore, I'm going to sleep and hoping that this is a dream. Goodnight."

oOoOoOoOo

Tobi was the first to arise the next morning. He didn't know what to do, so he simply stayed in bed. Deidara woke up soon afterwards because Tobi was constantly shifting positions. When he was done shouting at Tobi, he decided that he was hungry. He dragged himself down to the kitchen, stood in it for exactly 3.2 seconds, then went back upstairs to get one of the girls to make breakfast. Jaye didn't exactly seem like the culinary type, so he knocked on Clari's door instead. There was no answer. He knocked again. Still nothing. Shrugging, he just opened the door.

With one slightly curious glance at the colorful bedroom, he focused on the bed, in which a sleeping Clari lay in the mangled blanket. This was the first time he'd gotten a good look at her since she was two, so he assessed her thoroughly. The first thing he noticed was that her hair was three different colors. Most of it was a light brown like when she was a kid, but it had blue streaks and black tips and only came to about her shoulders now. She was short, probably a whole foot shorter than he was. The only thing he could see on her face was the smeared eyeliner and freckles. He tried to remember what color her eyes were, and the color blue came to mind.

"Staring at her in bed like that is kinda creepy Deidara-senpai," Tobi said from behind him. Reflexively, Deidara smacked him on the forehead. He pondered on how to wake her up. He looked at the palm of his hand, where a mouth was waiting hungrily. Shrugging, he went back to his room to get clay. Tobi gasped and followed him. "Deidara-senpai!" he said, abashed. "You can't wake her up with a bomb!"

"Oh? And why not, un?"

"You'll kill her!"

"I'm not _that _careless, un," Deidara said, dropping white clay into his hand-mouth. "I'll make the bomb small."

"Deidara-senpai, why don't you just tap her on the shoulder?"

"Because that's no fun." He walked back into Clari's room and let the tiny bird flutter inside. Tobi watched in horror as he clapped his hands together and said "Katsu!" The bird blossomed into a little ball of flame, large enough to scorch the blankets and wake up Clari, but not large enough to kill her. She did topple out of bed and scream, however, when she discovered that her bed was on fire.

"DEIDARA!" she accused, while hitting the growing flame with a shoe. "PUT THIS FIRE OUT!"

"I can't, un."

There was no need for him too. Clari had violently beat out the fire with the random shoe, leaving her bedspread and sheets charred. She wheeled around blindly chucked the shoe, hitting him square in the chest. It fell to the ground harmlessly. Clari didn't have the best arm. She huffed, causing strands of tangled, multi-colored hair to fly out of her glaring face, only to fall across it again. She marched up to him and shoved him much more powerfully than she had thrown the shoe. He was right; her simmering eyes were a deep blue.

"What the hell?" she yelled.

"I was hungry," Deidara explained.

"You were _hungry_? Why didn't you just shake my shoulder like a normal person? Or better yet, why didn't you just make something yourself?"

"Because that's no fun, un," he said again. Clari looked ready to strangle him when Pein and Konan sluggishly arrived.

"What's going on?" Pein yawned.

"He blew up my room!" Clari shouted, pointing at the perpetrator.

"Deidara, why did you blow up her room?" Pein asked without interest.

He shrugged. "I was hungry, un."

"Yes, me too. Clari, would you mind making us breakfast?" Pein said, migrating downstairs. She watched him and Konan go, agog. At least the latter gave her an apologetic glance. Deidara smiled at Clari and patted her head. She watched him walk downstairs before picking up the shoe and throwing it at him again, this time hitting him in the back of the head. He wheeled around, rubbing the blonde target.

"Ow!"

"Don't _do_ that!" she screamed.

"What, blow up your room or pat you on the head, un?"

"Both!"

He smirked. "No promises."

Hidan and Kakuzu passed her alone in the hallway. "I'm hungry," Kakuzu declared, having missed all the commotion. Clari turned on him, thoroughly irked.

"Go fuck yourself!" she suggested shrilly, before storming downstairs to make waffles.

oOoOoOoOo

Almost everyone was awake by the time Clari set a huge plate of waffles on the table. Seating was limited, so she sat on the counter with Kisame, Deidara, and Tobi. There also wasn't enough syrup, so she ate her waffles with peanut butter.

"What are you doing, Clari-chan?" Tobi asked as she prepared her breakfast.

"Eating breakfast," she said, taking a bite of her peanut butter-covered waffle. "And it's just Clari."

"Oh. Well, why did you put peanut butter on your waffle?"

"Because there wasn't enough syrup for everybody and peanut butter is good with almost any breakfast item," she explained.

"Oh," Tobi said again. "Can Tobi try it?"

"Sure," she said, handing him the peanut butter jar. She watched in anticipation as he spread the gooey substance on his waffle. He handed her the peanut butter jar and hopped off the counter, happily skipping down the hallway with his plate of waffles. Clari slumped. She was wondering how Tobi ate without showing anyone his face. Now she knew.

"Can I try that?" Kisame asked, pointing to the peanut butter.

"Yeah, here."

The a shrill whistle erupted throughout the house, causing the whole Akatsuki to leap out of their seats and get into defensive positions. Their waffles flipped through the air and landed all over the kitchen, creating quite a mess. One even managed to hit Clari in the face. Fortunately, it didn't have anything on it yet.

"Guys, don't worry about it," she said, hopping off the counter. "It's just the telephone."

"Telephone?" Pein asked.

"Um, yeah...a communication device," Clari explained, grabbing the phone and peeling a syrupy waffle off her foot in disgust. "Hello?" She listened intently for a moment before saying: "Yes, of course. She'll be there soon." And hanging up the phone.

"Who was that?" Konan inquired.

"Jaye's boss. She's supposed to be at work. JAAAAYYYE! GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" she boomed. Looking around, she sighed and rubbed her temples. "Will someone please go upstairs and wake her up? Get me the mop out of her room, too."

Hidan perked up. "I'll do it!"

They watched him sprint out of the room. Ten seconds later, they heard Jaye's voice.

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM YOU DIRTY FUCKING BASTARD!"

"MAKE ME BITCH!"

"GIVE ME BACK MY MOP!"

"NEVER!"

Hidan came sprinting downstairs carrying the mop, which he proceeded to thrust in Clari's face. A disgruntled Jaye came down a few minutes later, her short black hair sticking up at odd angles, her gray eyes seething. But at least she was dressed and her eyeliner wasn't too smeared.

"Jaye, you're supposed to be at work -" Clari began.

" - yeah yeah, I know," Jaye said dismissively, dragging her fingers through her hair and grabbing her keys off the counter. "I'm leaving right now."

"But wait -"

Jaye had already slammed the front door shut, leaving Clari alone with a sticky kitchen, a mop with suspicious brownish-red stains on it, and nine S-ranked criminals.

oOoOoOoOo

When Jaye came back twenty minutes later, most of the Akatsuki were crowded around the television, watching a cartoon. They didn't even bother to look away from the screen when she walked in.

"What are you watching?" she asked, leaning over to see the screen. "_Phineas and Ferb_?"

"Shhh! I want to find out what they're gonna do today!" Kisame said.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Jaye muttered, marching into the kitchen to find Clari and Deidara cleaning up breakfast. "Deidara? You're actually cleaning?"

"Yes, un. Is that so surprising?" the blonde artist said, feigning hurt.

Clari rolled her eyes. "The only reason he's helping is because Pein is making him."

"Why?"

"He blew up my room this morning."

"I was hungry, un!" Deidara defended.

"Whatever," Clari dismissed. "Anyway, why are you home, Jaye?"

"Oh, the boss just needed me to run a quick errand."

"Cool. So you're off for the rest of the day?"

"Yup."

"Would you mind helping us clean the kitchen?"

"Yes, actually, I would. Have fun!" Jaye said cheerfully, walking into the living room. Clari sighed and continued to mop syrup off the floor.

"There's peanut butter on the ceiling, un," Deidara noted, staring up at the circle of peanut butter. Clari looked up, too. With another sigh, she got a chair, placed it under the peanut butter stain, and stood on her toes with a rag to clean it. She couldn't reach.

Deidara snickered. "You need me to get it?"

"No," Clari snapped. "I don't need you blowing up my kitchen, too."

"Are you ever going to let that go, un?"

"Probably not," she said thoughtfully, trying to reach the ceiling again.

"Clari, you're being stupid, un. Let me get it," he insisted.

"Nope, I got it," she said, grabbing the mop and using it to clean the peanut butter. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"You are so stubborn, un."

"Look who's talking."

Zetsu walked in. "What are you doing?"

"Cleaning peanut butter off the ceiling," Clari explained, pausing in her vigorous scrubbing to look at the plant man.

Zetsu just shook his head and opened the pantry. "You don't have any food."

"Sorry. I'm going grocery shopping as soon as I'm done."

"_Well then, stop flirting and get a move on. I'm hungry_," Zetsu's black half complained. He proceeded to drift out of the room.

"Well," Clari muttered crossly, returning to her task. Deidara chuckled and continued to wipe syrup off the counters.

oOoOoOoOo

Jaye actually volunteered to stay with the Akatsuki (the girls definitely weren't leaving them alone in their house) while Clari went shopping. She detested shopping, and besides that she didn't even know what to buy. So after Clari got a shower and did her hair and such things, she managed to pry Konan away from the television and ask her to come.

"Why?" Konan asked, eying Clari's outfit critically. It was a pair of black ripped and paint-splattered jeans, a dark purple t-shirt with a skull design on it, gray converse, and an array of spiky bracelets over fishnet gloves. Though Jaye and Clari were both considered "Goth" by the general public, their styles were different. Jaye preferred simple black pants, band t-shirts, combat boots, and minimal jewelery (normally consisting of a necklace with gloves of some sort) while Clari was a little more flashy. These conflicting styles weren't evident in their personalities, however; if anything, they were reversed.

"Because I need to get you guys some normal clothes, and I don't know anyone's size," Clari explained.

"What makes you think I do?" Konan inquired.

"Um...I don't know. I just figured you'd have a better idea."

Konan looked Clari over again. "Will I have to dress like that?"

"Not if you don't want to..." Clari mumbled, relatively offended. "You're closer to Jaye's size anyway. Come on."

She led Konan upstairs and let her pick out a black tank top with white skulls on it and jeans. They left, Clari explaining how a car worked on their way out.

Jaye looked around her at the eight people left. They'd figured out how to change the channel and were now watching _Courage the Cowardly Dog_ on Cartoon Network. She couldn't help but smile. Clari hated this show; when they were little, she used to cry when she watched it. It was so bad that Jaye used to threaten her with it in order to get what she wanted. She had to admit the show was creepy, but still; it wasn't worth crying over.

After three episodes, another cartoon came on. Jaye was too bored to be bothered by it's title. _What is with these guys and cartoons?_ she wondered. _Are they drawn to them because they're from a cartoon, or because they're just _that _childish? _Whatever the reason, Jaye didn't want to watch cartoons all day, and she couldn't convince the remaining Akatsuki to change it. So, she whipped out her usual alternative: her iPod (which was now fully charged).

Hidan looked at her curiously. "What is that?"

"An iPod," Jaye said.

"Well, what the fuck does it do?" he asked impatiently.

"It plays music."

"Let me see." He grabbed for it.

She moved it out of his reach. "Ask nicely."

"Give me the fucking music-pod!"

"That wasn't nicely," Jaye taunted.

"Give it to me!"

"Say please."

"No! Give it to me or I will cut your fucking heart out and feed it to Kakuzu!"

Jaye gagged. "That's just wrong. Kakuzu, would you eat my heart?"

"No, I don't eat stone," Kakuzu answered.

"Hey!"

"AH HA!" Hidan exclaimed, snatching the iPod from her hands and ripping the headphones out of her ears. "I got the music-pod!"

"Hey!" Jaye said again, reaching for it. "Give it back you bastard!"

Hidan leaned away and put the headphones in his ears. "What the fuck is this?"

"Katy Perry," Jaye said, pouting.

" 'I kissed a girl and I liked it? The taste of her cherry chapstick?' " Hidan quoted, making each phrase sound like a question. "What the fuck?"

"She's weird," Jaye defended. "But she makes good music."

"Ugh," Hidan sneered, throwing the iPod back to her. "That's disgusting."

"I don't think so," Deidara commented.

"_You're _fucking disgusting," Hidan retorted.

"What, you don't like lesbians?" Jaye said, actually surprised.

"What? Fuck no! It's against my religion," he stated.

"Huh. Interesting."

"What the fuck do you mean by that?"

"Most guys like lesbians," Jaye said, smirking sadistically. "I just find it interesting that you don't."

"What the fuck are you implying?"

"She's implying that you're gay, stupid," Kisame put in.

"No one fucking asked you!"

"_It would explain why you go shirtless all the time_," Zetsu accused.

"What? That has nothing to do with being gay!" Hidan yelled.

"So you _are_ gay!" Jaye exclaimed.

"Fuck no! Gay people freak me out," he said.

"Homophobia is wrong, Hidan," Zetsu chastised.

"Fuck you!" Hidan shouted, standing up and walking away.

"Where are you going?" Jaye inquired.

"None of your fucking business!"

"Probably to go sharpen his scythe," Kakuzu suggested. "Apparently, it _soothes_ him."

"Or to go kill himself again," Kisame added.

"Well, there are no towels upstairs, so he better be sharpening his scythe," Jaye threatened.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you, un?" Deidara commented.

Jaye threw a pillow at his head.

oOoOoOoOo

"Shopping is boring," Konan decided as they slowly traveled up and down the isles, searching for anything they might need.

"Yeah, it is," Clari agreed, turning into the produce section. "But we need food and clothes, and this is the only way to get it."

"We could steal it," Konan suggested. "It's a lot more interesting."

"We _could_, but it's not legal."

"So?"

"So, I don't want to get arrested," Clari said with a note of finality. Konan shrugged and drifted over to the peaches, which were her favorite fruit. She called over to Clari. "Hey Clari? Can we get peaches?"

"Sure," Clari said, pushing the cart over to her. She stared at the two options for a second. "What's the difference between white and yellow peaches?"

"The inside of white peaches is white, and the inside of yellow peaches is orange-yellow," Konan explained.

"Do they taste any different?"

"I don't think so," Konan said.

Clari shrugged. "We'll get two of each."

That was how their whole shopping experience went. After several hours, they checked our with the four peaches and other various food items along with clothes for each of the guys and hair dye for Clari. She blanched when she saw the total, but she figured that this would last a while and swiped her credit card.

"Family in town?" the cashier laughed.

Clari sighed. "Something like that."

"Well, good luck," he said cheerfully as she walked out.

"Thaaanks."

She and Konan each pushed a full cart to the truck. The groceries filled the back.

"Wow," Clari commented, looking at the receipt. "I don't think I've ever spent this much money in my life."

"We could have gotten all of this for free," Konan said.

"I'll stick to cutting coupons," Clari remarked. "I don't think Lily would react well to me being in prison."

"Suit yourself," Konan said, biting into an apple that she produced from her pocket.

"Wha...how did you...?" Clari began, but she let it go._You can take the criminal out of the crime, but you can't take the crime out of the criminal...or something like that. _

When they walked through the doors with the first load of groceries, everyone was still glued to the TV, watching _iCarly_. _Well_, Clari thought. _It's a step up from _Scooby-Doo,_ I suppose_.

"Hey, you wanna help us with the groceries?" she asked.

"No," everyone said in unison.

Konan scowled. "I don't think it was a suggestion."

In the end, everyone helped. It took forever to unload the groceries and put them away, and they were left with a pile of plastic bags when they were done, but at least Clari had enough food to start dinner. Everyone else continued to watch TV in the living room. She felt a tradition in the making.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! And I know the prologue had a bit more information about the whole "Emi" situation, but I think this way's better. I'm going to give you the puzzle pieces little by little. I think my revising will make the story a lot better, so if you've already read it...well, you should read it again. If you liked it before, you'll really like it now. Just wait until the revising is done. :) **


	2. The Barbie Brigade and Bon Appetit

**Chapter Two: The Barbie Brigade and Bon Appetit**

* * *

The next morning, Clari made sure to wake up early so Deidara wouldn't do anything drastic again. At 7:00 a.m. she was making bacon and eggs for breakfast, humming to the music on her iPod. She didn't notice Zetsu until he tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to jump and get grease all over the counter. With a sad glance at the mess, she pulled the headphones out of her ears. "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"_Yes, with the snapping bacon and your obnoxious humming_," he complained.

"Sorry, I'll try to cook quieter food tomorrow," she promised. She said nothing about the humming, because she was fairly certain people found it obnoxious, but it was a bad habit that she had little to no control over.

"Thank you." He got himself a cup of coffee and went back into the living room. Clari heard the television a few minutes later. It wasn't until the breakfast was ready that everyone else came down to eat. It was almost like birds migrating south, the way they simultaneously gathered around table at the prospect of food. She counted heads in the room, frowning.

"Has anyone seen Jaye and Hidan?" she asked.

"Hidan was still sleeping when I left," Kakuzu said. "He stayed up late sacrificing himself last night."

"Yeah, Jaye's probably still sleeping, too. I imagine we'll know when they're up," Clari remarked, taking a sip of coffee.

Clari was right on one account. Jaye was sleeping. Hidan, on the other hand, was scheming. He tiptoed into her messy room, trying to be as quiet as possible. Then, when he was right beside her head, he kneeled down until his mouth was right beside her ear.

"MORNING BITCH!" he yelled at an impossible volume. Jaye started awake, shrieking. She scowled when she saw Hidan.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!" she screamed.

Instead, Hidan flopped on the bed, causing Jaye to scream hysterically. "OI! GET OFF YOU FUCKING PERVERT!"

Laughing, Hidan wriggled deeper into the blankets. "Your bed is comfortable."

She shoved him off with all her force. He fell to the floor with a thud. Unfortunately, they'd both been so wrapped up in the blanket that the sudden shift in weight pulled Jaye off the bed and on top of him. They took a moment to become less disoriented, then, realizing what had happened, they both screamed, trying desperately to get away from one another. Hidan was the first to untangle himself.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME, BITCH!" he shouted before bolting out of the room. Jaye went limp and just laid there for a minute, trying to get her breathing to slow and her heartbeat back to normal. If this was what it was going to be like when Hidan was here, she might develop high blood-pressure issues. _If I die of a heart attack, it's his fault_, she decided.

Several minutes later, she descended downstairs. The aroma of bacon and eggs was too irresistible to ignore.

"Good morning," Clari greeted from the couch.

"Only if that bastard fell downstairs and trampled by wild boars," Jaye growled.

Most of the room snickered.

Jaye gave Hidan the death glare when she walked in the kitchen. Hidan returned it masterfully. Kisame, looking back and forth between the two of them, slowly backed out of the room and out of the line of fire. Jaye angrily piled bacon and eggs onto her plate.

"Bastard," she muttered as she passed him.

"Bitch," he said, just as venomously. He then proceeded to throw a cooked egg at her. She wheeled around, livid.

"You did _not_ just throw food at me," she hissed.

"Maybe I did," Hidan said, smirking. "Maybe I didn't."

She chucked bacon at him. He glared and threw another egg, which Jaye dodged. She grabbed bacon off her plate.

"HEY!" Clari yelled, walking into the kitchen. Jaye jumped and dropped the bacon on the floor. "I am _not_ cleaning this up. _You_ are cleaning this up."

Jaye snorted. "Yeah, right."

"If you both don't grab a mop and start cleaning _right now_," Clari threatened, shooting a frosty glare at Hidan. "You'll be making your own breakfast tomorrow."

"You tell 'em, un!" Deidara cheered from the living room.

"Shut up!"

"Fine," Jaye grumbled, picking up the bacon. "But I'm only cleaning the bacon I threw. He has to clean up the eggs."

"I don't think so," Hidan said. "I'm not cleaning up anything."

Clari crossed her arms. "Then you're not getting breakfast tomorrow."

"Big deal," he said, waving a hand. "I can make my own breakfast. And it'll be so fucking good that you'll wanna cry."

"I doubt it," Clari said, raising an eyebrow. She walked over and grabbed the egg off the floor, wrinkling her nose. Hidan laughed at them and went to watch TV.

oOoOoOoOo

Through the duration of the rather slow day, it was evident that the Akatsuki was getting more and more restless. Tobi was the most aggravating, with his fidgeting and sighing. Everyone looked ready to slap him when he stood up, walked around the room, and sat down again...for the fifth time.

"TOBI!" Jaye said, exasperated. "Sit. Down."

"Tobi is a good boy! He's just bored!"

"Yes, girls," Pein said. "We're all in need of something to do and one can only watch so much television."

"Got any ideas?" Clari asked defiantly.

"Well, what do you do when you're bored?" Kisame asked.

"Computer," the girls said simultaneously.

"But we don't know how the computer works!"

"And we aren't going to show you," Jaye said. "Trust me, you guys don't want to see what's on there."

"Hey! I have an idea!" Clari said suddenly. "The weather's supposed to be nice this weekend, and Jaye and I have been talking about going camping."

"We have?"

"Yes, remember the other day?"

"No."

"Well, we talked about it. Anyway, we could go camping!"

"I dunno..." Jaye said apprehensively. "We've never gone camping with Mom before..."

"It can't be that hard. We go in the spring all the time, when it's not so rainy. It'll give us something to do," Clari said.

"Tobi wants to go camping!"

"Yeah, it doesn't sound that bad..."

"We could try it..."

"Gives us something to do..."

"Okay," Pein decided. "We'll go with you."

"Great! We'll need to get some stuff, but if I make a quick trip to the store we'll be able to go tonight," Clari said, getting up off the couch. "Anyone wanna come?"

Deidara, Tobi, and Kisame, being the only people who hadn't heard that shopping was incredibly boring from Konan, raised their hands.

"Um...Tobi, you can't come because of your mask and Kisame...well, you're blue."

"What about me, un?"

Clari sighed. "I guess if you cover up your hands you can come."

Deidara went to go change.

"Anyone else wanna come?" she begged after he'd left. No one raised their hands. "Please?"

"Sorry, Clari. You're on your own," Konan said.

Slouching, she went to go start the car.

oOoOoOoOo

Deidara changed the radio station...again. Clari glared at the rode. It was bad enough when Jaye did it, but at least she had good taste in music and normally stopped at a decent station. Deidara wasn't interested in the music so much as fiddling with the radio. That, or he just enjoyed torturing Clari.

"Deidara!" she said as he, once again, turned the radio station. "I swear, if you touch that radio again I will drop you off here and drive away."

"Fine," he said, slowly taking his hand from the radio. "I was just curious, un."

Clari said nothing, just glared at the rode. Suddenly, the next song came on...a chorus of repetitive "Like baby, baby, baby, ooooh! Like baby, baby, baby, noooo!" sung in high decibels that no teenage boy should be able to reach. It was, of course, none other than Justin Beiber. She groaned and flicked the radio off in agitation.

The store was busy today, and she was having trouble finding a parking spot. This had to be the third time she'd driven up and down the isles. She was ready to give up completely and just park across the street at the Chinese place, but she finally spotted a decent spot right near the front doors. Relaxing, she carefully drove forward to park there.

A cherry red convertible swerved in front of her and cut her off. She slammed on her brakes to avoid hitting it and watched as the driver eased into the parking space. Deidara rubbed his forehead where it had hit the dashboard. "Ow," he complained. "What did you do that for? This car could destroy that car, un."

"Yeah, but it's a lot of paperwork," Clari growled, reaching across him to stick her middle finger out the window. Not only was she pissed at the driver for cutting her off, but she knew this particular person and they weren't exactly friendly. "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, BITCH!"

The blonde girl stepped out of her car daintily, revealing the shortest shorts known to mankind and hot pink halter top. She popped her bubblegum at her rival. "Cuss all you want, Claribel, that doesn't change the simple fact that I won and you didn't. Why change things up now, hm?" With that said, she strutted towards the doors.

"God, I hope she chokes on that gum. Or she gets skin cancer from her tanning bed. Or her hairless cat bites her nose off," Clari rambled, driving forward to look for another parking spot.

"Who _is_ she, un?" Deidara said, sticking his head out the window to get a better look at her ass. Clari narrowed her eyes and slapped the back of his head. "Her name is Kathrine and she's an obnoxious whore who made my whole school career miserable. And still is. Needless to say, I hate her. With a passion," Clari said, sliding into the farthest parking space from the store.

"Why does she hate you?"

"Because Jaye and I didn't join her cult." They walked the long expanse of the parkinglot and finally made it into the air conditioned building. Deidara gaped at the store, much like Konan had. "We only need to get a few things," Clari continued. "Another tent, bug spray, marshmallows, chocolate, graham crackers..."

"Uh oh," Deidara said. Clari looked up just in time to see Kathrine and three of her zombie blondes marching towards them. She glared.

"What do you want, Mathews? I don't have time for your bullshit today."

"I just came over to say hello, Claribel. Can't you be civil?" Kathrine replied. "I see you haven't taken my hair advice."

"Sorry, I don't enjoy blinding people," Clari retorted, looking at her rival's beached-blonde curls.

"Too late. You haven't taken my skin advice either."

"Orange isn't my color."

Kathrine turned to Deidara. "Who's your friend?"

"Dei - "

"Dave," Clari interrupted. "His name is Dave."

"I think he's capable of saying his own name, Claribel." She smiled at him, revealing ultra-white teeth. "You're cute. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Yes, actually I do," Deidara said, before Clari could interrupt. She glanced at him, curious as to where this was going.

"Aww, really? Who?"

He smiled wickedly, putting an arm around Clari's waist and pulling her to him. "Clari, un."

Clari's whole face turned red. She was too shocked to say anything. Kathrine seemed even more flabbergast. "_Her_? You're kidding me, right?"

"Nope."

"Ugh," Kathrine said, shuddering. "I feel so bad for you. You could do sooo much better. Why don't you come with me and my friends?"

Deidara laughed. "I wouldn't do that even if I was single, un." He towed Clari away, leaving Kathrine and her friends to handle their rejection. Clari gaped at him.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

"I wanted to help you get back at them, un," he explained. "I knew that she would want me."

Clari rolled her eyes. "I have to say, I did enjoy the look on her face."

Deidara laughed again. "You should have seen yours, un."

"Um...Deidara? You can let me go now," she said, looking down at his arm, which was still around her waist.

"We have to make our act convincing," he said, pulling her closer instead. "And you owe me one, un. They were hot."

"Don't worry," Clari said. "That would have worn off after a few minutes. They're annoying as hell."

It didn't take them very long to get the stuff they needed. They had a lot of camping equipment in storage, since Lily liked to do things like that when she wasn't working. She considered it to be the best kind of quality time. They didn't meet Kathrine and her posse again until they were loading the bags in the car. The red convertible raced by, causing mud from the recent rain to splatter the inside of the car. Deidara grabbed Clari and pulled her out of range.

"Thanks," she said, scowling at the retreating convertible.

"No problem," he said, letting go of her waist and patting her on the head. "Now you owe me two, un."

"Yeah, whatever."

oOoOoOoOo

Jaye grinned when she saw what was in the plastic grocery bags. "Yes! You got stuff for s'mores!"

Clari laughed. "Well duh. No camping trip is complete without them."

They packed for the trip, Clari telling Jaye about her shopping experience with Deidara. Jaye thought that it was hilarious, especially the part about Deidara pretending to be Clari's boyfriend.

"Yeah, you should have seen her face," Clari chuckled.

"I would have liked to see _yours_!"

Clari stuck out her tongue.

Jaye was a little disappointed about the truck though. "I guess it'll get dirty when we drive to the camping site, but I was still gonna drive it to work on Monday...oh well, I'll just have to get it washed."

They packed two ten person tents, three bags and a cooler of food, a bunch of blankets and pillows, a lighter, an ax for cutting wood, and skewers for marshmallows. It was a slow process, especially considering that none of the Akatsuki bothered to help. Clari did announce that they were beginning to pack, but the only response she got was from Pein who asked, "Will we need to bring anything?"

She answered that they would simply need something to sleep in and started to bring stuff out to the truck, no longer expecting help from someone other than her cousin. When they were finished, Jaye regarded the stuff in the truck for quite some time before saying, "You do realize that some of the Akatsuki will have to sleep in our tent."

"Yeah," Clari said. "Konan and...um...oh."

"Yeah. Maybe Tobi..."

They looked at each other and shook their heads. "No, definitely not Tobi."

"Pein would be okay, I guess..."

"Itachi, maybe..."

They closed the door of the truck and went inside, where the Akatsuki had their things ready. After much discussion, they all decided to change in their pajamas beforehand, to save them from the sure-to-be-awkward act of changing in the woods. Clari and Jaye were actually surprised at how normal (excusing the blue skin and stitches and Venus Flytrap-like head, of course) the Akatsuki looked out of uniform. They mainly wore t-shirts and some kind of cotton-ish pants, with the exception of Konan, who wore a tank top and sweats. Clari was dressed similarly to Konan with the addition of her favorite black hoodie, and Jaye simply replaced her black jeans with shorts. They all stood outside for a moment, looking at the truck that seated five people.

"So...how are we gonna do this?" Clari asked.

"Well, I'll have to sit in the front seat...four other people can sit with me...Clari, we could probably fit you in the bump between the passenger seat and the driver's seat...the rest of you will have to sit in the trunk," Jaye said. Pein, Konan, Itachi, and Zetsu automatically got in the four free seats, leaving the other five Akatsuki members to fend for themselves. The girls managed to fit them in the trunk relatively well. Then Jaye took the drivers seat and Clari wedged herself between her cousin and Pein, and they were off.

The ride was excessively bumpy, since they weren't actually driving on asphalt. There was a path that ran through the woods, just large enough to be called a dirt rode, but even that was ridden with tree roots and branches. Clari was very uncomfortable on the bump. She could only imagine how the people in the back were feeling. Soon she found out.

"THIS SUCKS!" Kisame called.

"MY ASS IS GOING TO BRUISE!" Deidara complained.

"I'M FUCKING SORE!" Hidan shouted.

"TOBI IS IN PAIN!" Tobi whimpered.

"I'M RUNNING ON THE WAY BACK!" Kakuzu decided.

"SHUT UP!" Jaye yelled. "WE'RE ALMOST THERE!"

They did finally make it to their favorite clearing, just about five miles from their house. It was large enough to compensate for the two huge tents and a campfire, as well as the truck. Everyone was relieved when they got out, whether from the pain of being jostled around or from the complaining of those who were being jostled. All of them stood in the clearing for a second, taking in the beauty of the outdoors. Then Kisame said: "I have to take a piss."

Jaye sighed. "Well, go find a tree."

"Okay," he said shrugging.

As he walked away, Clari called, "Not to close to the campsite!"

The fish-man made a dismissive gesture.

"So...now what?" Konan asked.

"We pitch the tents," Clari answered.

Hidan smiled sadistically. "I bet Jaye and I can pitch a tent fast than you and Clari, Kakuzu."

"Okay," Kakuzu said, accepting the challenge before Clari could speak. "Loser has to..."

"Oh!" Jaye exclaimed. "Loser has to eat a s'more that the winner makes!"

"But wait," Clari said. "I don't want to - "

"Deal," Kakuzu interrupted, sticking out his hand.

"Deal," Hidan replied, shaking it.

Clari sighed, giving in and shaking Jaye's hand.

They grabbed the tent parts and marched to separate ends of the clearing. Itachi (being the only person that was sure to be impartial) stood between them. "Ready," he said in monotone, which was in strange contrast to the excited expressions of the competitors. "Go."

They dove for the tent materials. Jaye and Clari were experienced enough to not have to use the directions, but those were the first thing Hidan and Kakuzu looked for. Clari and Jaye were both working on the tents; Hidan and Kakuzu had the directions in front of their noses. Kakuzu glanced over his paper to look at Clari's work.

"No, Clari, you're doing it wrong. That piece is supposed to go over there."

"I know what I'm doing, Kakuzu."

"Obviously not."

Hidan and Jaye were having similar problems.

"BITCH! You're not supposed to put that fucking piece right there!"

Jaye took a long metal thing and whacked him on the head. "Shut up! You've got the directions backwards!"

"Give me that! I'll show you how to put it in right!" Hidan yelled, grabbing for the piece.

"Perv," Jaye accused, whisking it out of his grasp.

Clari and Kakuzu:

"Clari! That's. Not. Supposed. To. Go. There."

"Kakuzu! I. Don't. Give. A. Damn."

"Let me do it."

"Fine!" Clari said, throwing the intricate metal piece to the ground. "You do it."

"What? You can't quit!"

"Then let me do it my way."

"Your way is wrong."

Hidan and Jaye:

"See, bitch! It's supposed to look like that."

"Hello? Mine looks the same!"

"Whatever, just do the other one while I start this fucking thing."

Clari and Kakuzu:

"Would you stop yelling at me? I'm doing the best I can!" Clari screamed.

"Well, your best isn't good enough!" Kakuzu scowled.

"I don't see you taking over! So shut up!"

"Make me!"

They were about halfway done when Jaye and Hidan cheered, "YES! WE'RE DONE!"

Itachi inspected their tent. "Yes, Jaye and Hidan are the winners."

"This is all your fault, you know," he said to Clari crossly.

"My fault! Maybe if you'd actually helped instead of correcting me down to the last - hey! Where are you going? You still have to help me finish the tent!"

"I'll help you, Clari," Jaye said, glaring at the retreating Kakuzu. "I'll make his s'more so shitty that his stitches will burst."

"Thank you, Jaye, for that image."

The girls managed to pitch the second tent while Itachi got the campfire started. They set up the food and blankets and such things. Before they started roasting marshmallows, they decided where they were all sleeping.

"I want to sleep in the tent I pitched!" Hidan said.

"Uh, no. I always sleep in the tent I pitch," Jaye debated.

"Then I guess you're not sleeping in the tent you pitched this time," Hidan argued.

"Yeah, I am."

"There's only one fair way to settle this," Clari said. "You guys will just have to sleep in the same tent."

"Fuck no!"

"When pigs fly!"

Clari giggled. "Swine flu."

"That's not - "

"Look, just sleep in the same damn tent," Kisame said. "There will be other people in it with you, anyway. I want to try a s'more."

Jaye and Hidan glared at each other, neither willing to give in. "Fine."

"Okay, does anyone else have any tent preferences?" Clari asked.

"As long as I don't have to sleep in the same tent as him," Deidara said, pointing to Tobi, "then I'm fine, un."

Jaye and Hidan both wanted to sleep in their tent, Clari was angry with Kakuzu so refused to share a tent with him, but he wanted to sleep in the tent that he had "constructed," and Deidara, Jaye, Hidan, and Kisame all banned Tobi from their tent. As a result, Pein, Konan, Zetsu, Itachi, Kakuzu, and Tobi would sleep in one tent, and Jaye, Clari, Hidan, Kisame, and Deidara would sleep in the other. Everyone was relieved when the order was arranged, and stepped towards the fire.

"Wait!" Jaye said. "We have to make Clari and Kakuzu's marshmallows before I forget." She and Hidan each grabbed a stick and stuck a marshmallow on it. Jaye burnt hers to a crisp, then rubbed it in dirt, and put tree bark on the graham cracker instead of chocolate. Hidan stuck his marshmallow in ashes, put it on the graham cracker and chocolate, then poured water all over it. Jaye, surprisingly, handed hers to Kakuzu. "Bon appetit."

Grimacing, he popped the marshmallow in his mouth. Jaye observed as he chewed it and, after some time, swallowed it. Everyone laughed at his unfortunate misery, which he returned with the most vehement of glares.

Hidan gave his to Clari. She looked at the soggy s'more for a second, shrugged, and tossed it into the fire behind her. Hidan stared at his blackened marshmallow as everyone erupted into guffaws. "WHAT THE FUCK? YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Yeah, I can. You didn't seriously think that I was gonna _eat_ that?"

"EAT IT!"

"No."

"NOW!"

"I don't want to."

"I ate mine! You have to eat yours!" Kakuzu insisted.

"I'm not the one who made the bet," she said with dangerous calm. "And I don't _have_ to do anything."

"Just drop it," Deidara said. "I want a real s'more, un."

"Yay! S'mores!" Tobi applauded.

"NO! No one makes a fucking s'more until she eats that one!" Hidan said, pointing to the fire. They all ignored him and grabbed skewers, impatient for the best part of camping.

They all gathered around the fire, roasting marshmallows. Most of the Akatsuki ate ten or more s'mores. Jaye sighed when she went to get a marshmallow and the bag was empty. "That sucks."

Konan, who favored the chocolate, bit into a Hershey bar. "Yeah, the chocolate's gone, too."

"I wonder why," Jaye said sarcastically.

"Tobi likes camping," he decided.

"It's definitely not as bad as I thought it would be," Pein agreed. "Good idea, Clari."

"Thank you. I try."

Jaye yawned. "I'm tired." There were murmured agreements. It had to have been around twelve or one in the morning. They'd been around the fire for quite some time. Clari put out the fire with a water bottle. As everyone was climbing into their designated tents, Jaye whispered to Clari, "How did we get stuck with all the perverted people in our tent?"

Clari considered this for a moment. "I dunno. It sure says something about us though."

"Aren't you nervous about being in the same tent with all of them? I tried to convince Konan but..."

"Not really. I don't think they'll do anything," Clari said. "Come on, I'm tired."

When they climbed into the tent, Hidan was huddled in the corner, glaring at Jaye. "I sleep here. You sleep there," he said, pointing to the other end of the tent. Since it was a ten person tent, it was rather spacious so there was probably no need for his restriction. Either way, Jaye seemed just as happy with their separation as he was. There wasn't enough room for all five of them to lay side-by-side, so Hidan, Kisame, Clari, and Jaye slept in a line and Deidara slept lengthwise by everyone's heads. Curiously, Clari listened for noise from the other tent. All she heard was Deidara's breathing.

Quite content, she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**I like camping. It's fun, even though I've only been like, twice. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I didn't really do a lot of revising, so it's basically the same. A good chapter nonetheless, I think.**


	3. Toaster Mistakes and Carwash Battles

******Chapter Three: Toaster Mistakes and Carwash Battles**

* * *

When Jaye woke up, she was alone in the tent, surrounded by a mess of sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows. Yawning, she sat up on her elbows. She didn't hear any voices outside, so she climbed out to investigate. Everyone stood in the center of the campsite, staring at something on the ground. As she got closer, Jaye saw that the ground was scorched, as well as all the remaining food and part of the tent that Kakuzu and Clari had attempted to build.

"What the...?"

"The fire caught this morning and burned some stuff," Zetsu explained, giving Clari an accusing glance.

She shrank. "Sorry. I put it all out...the embers must have caught on to grass or something."

"This morning? That's kind of weird," Jaye said. "Wouldn't dew put the rest of the fire out?"

"Evidently not," Kisame said.

"Look, it's no big deal," Jaye defended. "We'll just eat breakfast at home."

"I'll make pancakes to make up for it," Clari piped up.

There were muttered agreements and they began packing up. Most of the food they would have to throw away, but the tent was barely burned, so they would salvage it. Instead of riding in the back of the truck again, some of the Akatsuki decided to run the way home. In fact, the only people who did ride in the truck were Pein, Konan, and Kisame (who was acting kind of weird). Clari seemed content, since she didn't have to ride on the bump. She yawned, running a hand through her brown/blue/black hair and causing some of the shorter pieces to stick up at odd angles.

"I think I'm gonna dye my hair today," she said randomly, taking a lock of blue hair in her fingers.

"What color this time?" Jaye asked.

"I'm in a purple mood, but I bought red hair dye, too. What do you think?"

"I say go with purple. It'll probably be red in a week anyway. What was your last color, green?"

"Orange, actually, but I'm thinking about green. I haven't done that color in a while."

"I take it your hair changes color often?" Konan asked.

"Yeah."

Jaye laughed. "Like bi-weekly."

When they pulled up to the driveway, the front door was already ajar. "I locked that," Jaye noted.

"You probably weren't robbed," Pein said simply.

When they walked up the steps, they saw that the door had been rammed open. Jaye sighed, looking at the splintered wood on the door frame. "Probably just had to go take a shit. Didn't even have the courtesy to pick the lock and leave us without any damage. Bastards."

They walked inside, closing the door behind them. Most of the Akatsuki were sitting on the couch watching cartoons, oblivious to the fact that they'd just broken into a house.

"You couldn't wait for us to get here? You had to break into our house?" Jaye interrogated, stepping in front of the TV screen.

"You took too fucking long," Hidan said. "Now move out of the way, bitch."

"Make me."

Hidan smirked. "Are you really challenging me?"

"Yep, I - hey! Put me down!" So fast that Jaye didn't even see him, Hidan had walked the expanse of the room and thrown her over his shoulder, despite her furious kicking and screaming. He walked into the kitchen, where Clari was beginning to make pancakes. The latter gave them a distinct _WTF? _look, but then shrugged and resumed with her task. Jaye was eerily still as Hidan placed her on the table.

"I really don't think that you should," he said, walking back into the living room. Jaye just laid on the table with a blank look. Clari began to become concerned.

"Jaye...?"

The person in question held up a hand. "Don't say anything. I'm still processing what just happened."

Clari tried not to smile and went back to her pancakes again. Jaye slowly sat up and hopped off the table. She then took a deep breath and shouted, "BASTARD! IF YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN, I'LL..." she let loose a string of profanities so colorful that they probably shouldn't be put into words. She heard her cousin chuckle.

After she was done with her graphic tirade about what she would do to him if he touched her again, Hidan began a rampage of his own. Soon they were just screaming profanities at each other. Everyone else migrated into the kitchen, making the room feel rather claustrophobic. Better claustrophobic than having to listen to Hidan and Jaye scream at each other, though. Once Clari got pancakes set on the table, things started to feel a bit less crowded since they went to devour the pancakes instead of watch her make them.

Jaye walked in, angrily piling pancakes on her plate and drowning them in syrup. Hidan came in soon afterwards. He looked around the room for a moment (pausing to scowl at Jaye, who opened her chewed-up-pancake-filled mouth in return) and then turned to Clari. "Where the fuck are my pancakes?"

"I didn't make you any," Clari said, putting aside her empty plate.

"Why?"

"You didn't clean up the mess you made yesterday, and I told you that I wouldn't make you any breakfast. Remember?"

"You're not fucking serious!"

"Yes, actually, I am."

"Fine," Hidan retorted, walking towards the pantry. "I'll make my own fucking breakfast." He stood at the pantry with a blank stare on his face until the majority of the room had gotten bored and went to watch TV. He finally picked up a box of strawberry Pop-Tarts. "I'll make this."

"Toaster's up there," Clari said, pointing the top of the fridge.

"I know where the fucking toaster is!"

"Sorry, just trying to help," she said, hopping off the counter. "I'll just leave you to your gourmet breakfast."

Hidan grabbed the toaster off the top of the fridge and stared at it for a moment. _How the fuck does it work...? _He noticed the little pluggy thingy that the girls told him used electricity. He spotted an outlet and put the pluggy thingy in. There, that's not so hard. There were two slots in the toaster. Hidan looked at the Pop-Tarts, shrugged, and put them in. There was a little dial. He turned it to one, since he was cooking one package of Pop-Tarts. He pushed the button and the wires began heating. He'd never had Pop-Tarts, but the girls loved them. Rather proud, he walked out of the kitchen.

"You gave up already?" Jaye asked, eyebrows raised.

"No! My Pop-Tarts are cooking in the toaster."

"Pop-Tarts huh? That's the breakfast that's going to reduce us to tears?"

"I don't like your fucking sarcasm!"

Clari's forehead creased. She sniffed. "Hidan...?"

"What?"

"Did you take the Pop-Tarts out of the plastic package?"

"No...was I supposed to?"

"YES!" Clari said, bolting off the couch and running into the kitchen. A whitish smoke had begun to blossom from the toaster, along with the acrid smell of melting plastic. She ran over to it and pressed the cancel button. The Pop-Tarts sprang up in their melted package. Clari opened the windows, hoping to let all the smoke out before the fire alarm went off. Hidan looked sadly at his Pop-Tarts.

Clari's efforts were in vain. The fire alarm let out it's shrill whistles. The laughing audience who'd come to investigate covered their ears.

"What the fuck? Is that the toaster?" Hidan said, giving the appliance a cautious glance.

"No, it's the fire alarm!" Clari said, grabbing a rag and whipping it in front of the alarm. It's shrieking did not decrease. Finally, the phone rang. Clari answered it.

"No, everything's fine. There was just a little toaster mistake, that's all."

She gave her name, address, and code to the fireman and hung up. The fire alarm quit screaming.

"Will you make me breakfast now?" Hidan asked.

"No! You are going without breakfast today!"

"But - "

"No. Breakfast."

The phone rang again. Clari answered it. "Hello?...No, Lily we're fine...Jaye just doesn't know how to cook...Pop-Tarts. Yeah, I know. Only she could mess up Pop-Tarts. You wanna talk to her? Okay, I'll get her real quick." She handed the phone to Jaye, whispering, "You burned the Pop-Tarts, not Hidan."

Jaye nodded. "Hello?"

Clari glared at Hidan and threw away the Pop-Tarts.

oOoOoOoOo

After Jaye finally got off the phone with her mother, she went to find Clari.

"Clari! I have news," she said.

"Good or bad?"

"Umm...both, I think."

"What?"

"Mom's coming back in a week," Jaye said.

"That's good news!" Clari replied, smiling. "We haven't seen her in a month."

"Yeah, but...what about the Akatsuki?" Jaye muttered, stealing a glance towards the living room.

"The Akatsuki will probably be gone by then. Pein said that last time they only stayed for two weeks, and it's been three days already."

"Oh..." Jaye said. Had it been three days? It didn't seem like that long. In reality, Jaye had been so thrilled that the Akatsuki were living here that she hadn't even considered the fact that they would leave. "Clari? They said that time moves differently in their world. Does that mean that we'll be old when they come again? Or even...dead?"

"I don't know," Clari said, her forehead creasing with worry. "I guess it doesn't really matter, right? I mean, it's not like any of us are..._together_ or anything."

"Right..." Jaye said. "But we're still friends with them."

"I consider them friends. I don't know how they think of us though, Jaye. They obviously weren't friends with my mom. Or at least not good friends. This might just be part of the job to them."

Jaye nodded. "Anyway, about Mom...what if they Akatsuki are still here when she comes?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Clari said, glad for the topic change. "I'm almost positive that they'll be gone by then though."

Kisame came in, scratching his forearm. "Guys, I need to talk to you."

"What?"

"I think I got sick when we went camping," he said, showing them his arm. He had a nasty purple rash running from his wrist to his elbow, and past that underneath the black cloth of his robe. The girls mused over it for a moment.

"You know, it'd look like poison ivy if it wasn't purple," Jaye said.

"But his skin's blue," Clari pointed out. "And red and blue make purple, so it probably is poison ivy."

"Poison?" Kisame asked nervously.

"Don't worry, Kisame, you're not going to die," Clari reassured.

"Well, maybe."

"Jaye!" Clari scolded. "You are _not_ going to die. Poison ivy is just a plant that gives some people a rash. There wasn't any at the campsite, so you probably walked into some when you were going to the bathroom."

"Yeah, that would explain a lot," Kisame commented.

Jaye giggled.

"Just put some of this on it," Clari continued, grabbing one of Lily's home remedies from the pharmacy she had in her kitchen. "It should only last three or four days, depending on how bad you got it."

Kisame looked at the cream cautiously. "I can put this everywhere, right?"

Jaye giggled again.

Clari sighed. "Yes."

"Cool," Kisame said, going to the bathroom to apply the cream. Clari shook her head as Jaye shook with silent laughter.

"You should really be more considerate," she chastised.

"Aw, come on! That's hilarious!"

Clari smiled and rolled her eyes. "I'm going to dye my hair now."

"Have fun!"

oOoOoOoOo

While Clari was upstairs changing hair colors and Jaye left to go to work, Tobi got off the couch to get a drink. As he was pouring lemonade into a glass, he noticed that the toaster was still on the counter. Curiously, he peeked inside. The right grate was crusted with the Pop-Tart wrapper. _Hmmm... _he thought. _Tobi'll wash it and do Clari-chan a favor! Tobi is a good boy!_ He took the toaster and put it in the sink, moving the cord out of the way. He grabbed a sponge and turned the water on.

He felt a sharp electrical pain throughout his body and saw lights.

Suddenly he was on a beach. It was a sunny day out, and he was sitting in a chair sipping a cool drink. The water was an impossible blue, and the sand was a clean white. Seagulls chirped above. Tobi was the only person on the beach. He sat back and relaxed, feeling the sunlight through his mask.

Out of nowhere, there was a clap of thunder. Tobi looked up at the sky and saw ominous black clouds rolling towards his beach. The waves crashed against the shore angrily. It began to rain.

He saw something rising out of the restless water. It seemed to be square. With a start, Tobi realized that it was a giant toaster. It gradually grew from the surface, dripping water and seaweed. Tobi could do nothing but watch in awe as it hobbled onto the shore. Fire came from the slots, making the toaster look like an angry beast. Was he going insane, or was the toaster growling? A plug on a cord whipped out from behind the toaster like a tail. The plug was sparking with electricity. It shot towards him, the two prongs heading straight for his face. He screamed.

"TOBI!"

He opened his eyes to see Clari's worried face. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel and one wet brown strand stuck to her face. Beside her was Pein. After a moment of focus, he saw that everyone was crowded in the kitchen, looking down at him.

"Oooowww," he groaned. "What happened?"

"You put the toaster under the sink and electrocuted yourself," Clari said.

"Tobi just wanted to wash the toaster for Clari-chan."

She blinked. "Er, thanks, Tobi. But you can't wash a toaster, especially not when it's still plugged into the wall."

"Is Tobi still a good boy?"

"Yes, Tobi is still a good boy."

"Yay!"

"Are you okay, Tobi?" Pein asked.

"Yes," he replied, sitting up and rubbing his head. "Tobi just has a headache."

"See, un?" Deidara said. "I told you he was fine. He's like a cockroach."

"Thank you, Deidara-senpai!"

"Uh, it wasn't exactly a compliment," Kisame said.

They helped Tobi stand up. There was a lump of black in the sink. "What is that?"

"That would be my toaster," Clari sighed.

"Tobi is so sorry, Clari-chan! He will buy you a new toaster!"

"Don't worry about it," she dismissed. "I'm just glad you're not dead."

"Thank you!"

"Um...you're welcome?"

They got Tobi to sit down on the couch. Deidara, Hidan, and Kisame made several jokes about Tobi's near-death experience, all of which were rewarded with a scowl from Clari. Trusting Pein to make sure Tobi didn't almost kill himself again, Clari went upstairs to finish her hair.

oOoOoOoOo

When Jaye got home from work, everyone was sitting on the couch watching TV. She sniffed. "Clari, are you making chicken?"

"No, Tobi electrocuted himself with the toaster."

Jaye started laughing. "He what?"

"Jaye! He almost killed himself, no matter how ridiculous the circumstances," Clari scolded.

"Whatever. Sorry Tobi," Jaye said, still snickering.

"S'okay, Jaye-chan."

"By the way, I like your hair," Jaye said, gesturing to Clari's purple tresses.

"Thanks," Clari said, getting off the couch. "I've gotta go to the store. I was waiting for you to get home."

"Again? Didn't you go yesterday...and the day before that?"

"Yeah, but now we need a new toaster and ramen and I wanna get stuff to make brownies," Clari said.

"Whatever," Jaye said again, flopping down on the sofa.

"Can I come?" Deidara asked.

"Didn't you go last time?"

"Yeah, and it was fun. Please, un?"

Clari sighed. "Go get dressed."

"Oh, would you mind washing the car while you're out?" Jaye asked.

"I thought you were going to wash the car on your way to work?" Clari remarked.

Jaye shrugged. "I'm lazy."

Deidara spared Clari from replying by coming downstairs. "Ready, un."

"Cool. Let's go."

When Clari and Deidara left, Jaye stood up and stretched. "I'm tired and I'm going to go take a nap. Someone wake me up in an hour. Tobi, stay away from the toaster."

She went upstairs and closed her door, hoping to shut out the noise from the snickering Akatsuki and the TV.

oOoOoOoOo

Clari and Deidara didn't spend long at the store. They didn't run into anyone (luckily) and made it to the crusty car without being splattered with mud.

"Shopping wasn't as fun this time," Deidara noted. "I guess Konan was right."

"You didn't have to come," Clari pointed out, easing into the small parking space for the manual car wash.

"What are we doing now, un?"

"Washing the car real quick. It should only take a second."

"Can I help?" he asked.

Clari shrugged, digging around in her messenger bag for money. "You can if you want." Clutching the change in her hand, she got out of the car and put the money in the machine. It was rejected. She tried again. Rejected. Scowling, she carefully slipped the dollar bill into the slot. After a pause, it popped out. She groaned, running a hand through her hair.

"The sign says 'Out of Order,' " Deidara suggested. Clari brought her attention to the makeshift sign that, indeed, read 'Out of Order.'

"You couldn't have mentioned that _before_?" she growled irritably, moving to the next machine. Deidara shrugged. This one accepted her money without incident and the carwash became functional. She handed Deidara the hose. "You wanna spray down the car?"

"Sure, un." He took the hose and rinsed the car. Clari went to get what she called 'the soap thing,' since she wasn't aware of the technical term. Suddenly she was hit with a blast of cold water from behind her. She wheeled around to gape at Deidara, who was smiling devilishly, innocently turning the hose back to the car.

"You did _not_ just spray me," Clari said, suddenly very aware of her white t-shirt.

"Clari, I'm hurt that you would assume such a thing," Deidara mocked. She grabbed the soap thing and pointed it at him. He glared. "You wouldn't, un."

"Oh, I would." She pulled the trigger, spraying Deidara with white foam. He deflected it with the water hose and retorted. She turned her head away to keep water out of her eyes, trying to keep the soap thing aimed at him. She screamed as the cold water hit her full blast.

Soon the whole cubicle was a frenzy of water and foam. Whenever Clari got a glimpse of Deidara she aimed the soap thing at him. He did the same with his hose. Though she was soaking wet and her eyes burned from the soap, Clari discovered that she was having fun. A lot of fun.

"HEY! TEENAGERS!" someone yelled. The teenagers in question lowered their weapons, wiping cleaning substances out of their eyes to look for the voice. Clari saw a short, chubby man striding towards them, his face red. "What are you doing?"

"Um" was the only answer they could give

The man stopped at their cubicle and scowled. "This facility is not for games. You pay your money, you wash your car, you get out. Simple concept. You see that plaque?" He pointed to a sign beside the machine. "That sign says 'Any persons using this carwash for anything other than it's intended function will be restricted.' You know what that means?"

"No," Clari said honestly.

"It means that I'm going to write down your license plate number and your name down on this little clipboard here," he said, holding up said clipboard. "And if I see your car or any of you here again, you will be fined."

"But we - "

"No ifs, ands, or buts," he said, scribbling down their license plate. "Your name?"

"Claribel Sazume."

"And yours?"

"Dave."

"Dave what?"

"Just Dave."

"Just Dave?"

"Yes, un. Just Dave."

The man shook his head, writing down Deidara's fake name. "Crazy kids. Now get in your car and drive away. I better not see you here again."

As the man left, Clari slumped. "This is the only carwash in town..."

"You have to admit; it was worth it," Deidara said, flashing a smile.

"Yeah, it was pretty awesome," Clari said, returning the smile and getting in the car. The upholstery made an icky squishing sound as she sat.

As she was pulling out of the carwash, Deidara smirked again. "Nice shirt, by the way."

Clari punched his arm.

oOoOoOoOo

Hidan, of course, volunteered to wake up Jaye when it came time.

He snuck into her bedroom. She was splayed across the mattress, dead to the world, much like last time. For fear of being repetitive, he idly thought of another way to wake her up. An idea came to him in a streak of brilliance. He grabbed the edge of her top mattress and, upon counting to three, he tipped it over.

With a squeal of drowsy protest, Jaye crashed to the floor, the mattress landing on top of her. Hidan doubled over because he was laughing so hard. The mattress began to wiggle around as she struggled to get out from under it. Two hands, then a nest of black hair popped out from the side. She glared at him, blowing a black strand out of her eyes. This only led Hidan into another fit of giggles.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

"Whatever, bitch," he breathed. "You asked for it. Literally."

"I asked for you to wake me up, not tip me onto the fucking floor!"

He waved away her anger, heading out the door. "Same thing."

"WAIT! HELP ME OUT FROM UNDER THIS! HIDAN!"

His only response was a distant boom of laughter.

Cussing in her head, she grabbed the fibers of the carpet and tried to pull herself out from under the mattress. Eventually she was successful. Glancing at the mess of blankets and mattress, she thought,_ I _really _need a security system_.

The doorbell rang. Jaye shot up and sprinted downstairs. "DON'T ANSWER THAT!"

Kisame stopped in his tracks. "Wha - oh, okay." He sat back down as Jaye opened the door, revealing a dripping wet Clari and Deidara.

She laughed. "What the hell happened?"

"We're banned from the carwash," Clari muttered, looking down at the concrete and handing Jaye a damp slip of paper that explain most of what happened. Jaye chuckled, reading the paper. "You got banned from the carwash because you got in a water fight?"

They nodded simultaneously.

Jaye put her hands on her hips, frowning in mock disappointment. "Who started it?"

Clari pointed to Deidara shamelessly.

"Deidara, that's not acceptable behavior," Jaye chastised. "Though it is funny as hell. Is the car clean?"

"Ummm...sort of," Clari answered vaguely. Jaye peeked around her, glancing at the half-clean, half-muddy car.

"Eh, it was better than what it was," she decided. "And it's not a big deal. We can wash the car here whenever we want. It's not like we used the carwash that much anyway."

"True," Clari agreed.

"So...why'd you ring the doorbell?" Jaye inquired.

"We're wet. Can you get us some towels?"

"Haha, no." Jaye closed the door in their faces.

"JAYE!" Clari protested, banging on the door. Jaye locked it, relishing the prompt _click!_ as she did. Clari tried the doorknob from the other side. "JAYE! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

"Nope, I'm good," she called. "Just think of it as punishment."

"Ugh! Jaye, come on! It's cold out here!"

Jaye rolled her eyes. "It's summer vacation. I'm not that stupid."

" 'That' being the key word," Hidan put in.

"Shut the hell up!"

Deidara walked in from the back door, dripping water onto the carpet. Jaye looked at him in confusion. "Where's Clari?"

"I told her that she should stay there and make noise so you wouldn't be suspicious and lock this door and that I would let her in," he said, shutting the patio door behind him and locking it. Jaye raised her eyebrows. He shrugged. "She pointed at me, un. I, frankly, think that's an act of betrayal to be accounted for."

Jaye shook her head. "That's just messed up."

"SOMEONE LET ME IN!"

"NO!" Everyone said in synchronization.

"AW, COME ON! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?"

"Nothing," Pein shouted. "I'm just bored, and this is entertaining."

"Now _that's_ messed up," Jaye said.

"YOU GUYS SUCK!" Clari declared. Her banging and constant doorbell ringing stopped, however, as she realized that they were serious and that she wasn't getting back inside; for a while, at least.

* * *

**Another chapter complete! Bwahaha. This one came to an abrupt ending, but at least it wasn't a cliffhanger. There will _plenty_ of those, trust me. *insert evil face here***

**Again, I really didn't do a lot of revising. Just some Grammar Control.**


	4. Idioms and Allergies

**Chapter Four: Idioms and Allergies**

* * *

Clari was let inside...eventually. Jaye had to admit that they'd let her suffer unnecessarily, but it wasn't her fault. _Transformers _had come on and she'd wanted to watch it. Alien robots who morphed into cars; it was one of her favorite movies. Clari was a good sport though. She said she'd make them breakfast this morning.

Right now she was rigging her new security system. It consisted of fishing line that stretched across the door frame, connected to a pulley and therefore causing a bucket of baseballs to fall on her intruder's head. This both rendered the intruder defenseless and woke her up in time to take action. All she needed was someone to test it on. And Jaye knew the perfect guinea pig.

She quietly slipped back into bed. As she had woken up super early to construct the security system (Clari wasn't even awake yet), she soon began to dose off.

Jaye was awakened by twelve baseballs being dumped on her head.

She shot up, causing the baseballs to roll off her head and onto her lap. The silver-haired perpetrator boomed with laughter.

"HIDAN!"

"Was that the best you could do? A fucking eight-year-old wouldn't even fall for that!"

"Shut up! Bastard!"

Hidan wiped a tear from his eye, gasping for breath. "Just remember, bitch: I'm a ninja."

"Oh yeah? Let me see your ninja glare!" Jaye ordered.

"My what?"

"Your ninja glare. You're not a ninja unless you have a ninja glare."

"You're making that up!" Hidan accused. "There's no such thing as a fucking ninja glare."

"Yes there is. Watch." Jaye demonstrated the ninja glare, overlapping her hands in front of her face vertically, pulling them apart until only the thumbs were touching, twisting them around until they were diagonal with the thumbs still touching, bringing the thumbs together, then pulling them apart to form a square with her hands, which she then proceeded to put in front of her face so that only her eyes showed through the square, vaguely resembling the masks that ninjas were said to wear.

"What the fuck was that?"

"My ninja glare. Show me yours," Jaye said, putting down her hands.

"I don't have a fucking ninja glare!"

"Then you're not a ninja."

"Wha - I am a fucking ninja! Watch." Hidan proceeded to show her a series of flips and cartwheels that were, indeed, quite ninja-ish. Jaye tried to look unimpressed.

"That's _okay_, I guess," she decided. "But if you don't have a ninja glare than you're just not a ninja. Sorry."

"You're not a ninja!" Hidan pointed out.

"Yes I am."

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am."

"Yes I am."

"No I'm - hey! That's cheating!" Jaye said, crossing her arms and glaring.

" 'All's fair in love and war,' " Hidan quoted, quickly darting out of the room.

Jaye blanched. After a moment of silence, she frantically scrambled out of bed and went to find her cousin.

oOoOoOoOo

"CLAAAARIIII!"

Jaye's hectic scream was soon followed by Clari being forcefully pulled out of the kitchen, dragged upstairs, and locked into Jaye's bedroom all in the course of about twelve seconds. It was so fast, in fact, that Clari still had a spatula in her hand and was in the position to flip an egg when Jaye shoved her into her room. Blinking, she looked around until she located her cousin.

"Jaye? What are you doing?"

"HIDAN SAID HE LOVED ME!"

Again, Clari blinked. The absurdity of such a thing happening was so outrageous that she didn't even bother to comprehend it. Instead, she felt Jaye's forehead. "Are you alright? Feeling sick?"

"No, I'm fine!" Jaye protested, moving away from Clari's hand. "Hidan's the one who's sick!"

"Why...?"

"He said he loved me!"

"Okay," Clari said calmly. "He didn't just walk up to you and say that. Tell me exactly what happened. Quietly, please."

Jaye explained what happened at a lower volume. After she was done, Clari stared at her with an expression that was quite Itachi-like; no expression at all, really. Her words, however, were at odds with it.

"Jaye, you are an idiot."

"I am not!" Jaye said, aghast. "He said - "

"He said 'All's fair in love and war' not 'I love you.' It's a quote, stupid, meaning that if you are in love or waging war, it's okay to break the rules to get what you want. He obviously meant the war half. Or perhaps he misquoted; they were watching Disney Channel yesterday, so there's no telling," Clari determined. "Hidan did not tell you he loved you. You freaked out because you heard the word 'love' come out of his mouth."

"Oh," Jaye said thoughtfully. "Okay. Thanks, Clari."

"No problem," Clari said, picking up the bucket and looking at the baseballs scattered about the room. "Why do you need a security system again?"

"Because Hidan keeps breaking in and waking me up," Jaye said crossly, thinking of the earlier unpleasant mornings.

"Why don't you just lock your door?"

"He's a _ninja_, Clari," Jaye said, as if this explained everything. "A locked door isn't going to stop him."

"No, not under normal circumstances, but I highly doubt he's actually interested enough in you to go through the trouble of breaking down your door," Clari said bluntly.

"Well, I refuse to let this happen again," Jaye announced, looking around the room and ignoring Clari's comment.

"Good luck with that." Clari went back downstairs. When she was at about the middle of said stairs, she called up to Jaye, "You've gotta go to work too!"

She got a loud groan in return.

oOoOoOoOo

"What was that all about?" Zetsu asked as they ate breakfast.

Clari shrugged. "You know Jaye. Always freaking out about something."

"She did seem rather upset this morning," Itachi noted, a bit delayed.

"Yeah...like I said, it's normal for her to overreact like that."

"What was she overreacting to, un?" Deidara inquired.

"She's tired of Hidan waking her up in the mornings," she lied.

"Whatever, it relieves my boredom," Hidan replied.

"I don't care what you do," Clari said, shrugging again. "It's not bothering me. And it is kind of funny."

"IS NOT!" Jaye exclaimed, barging into the kitchen. "I see how it is...conspiring against me with the enemy. Traitor."

"I'm neutral," Clari retorted.

"What? You're my cousin!"

"Yes, but he has a scythe."

"So?"

"I don't want to get chopped to bits. It's a rather simple concept," Clari clarified.

"Whatever," Jaye said, grabbing Pop-Tarts out of the pantry. "I'm going to work."

"Bye."

"Clari-chan," Tobi said. "Where does Jaye-chan work at?"

"It's a store called _Hot Topic_."

"Can we go there sometime?"

Clari began to nod, but then thought it through. _Hot Topic_ was bound to have _Naruto_ merchandise, not to mention _Naruto_ fangirls. Shuddering at the thought, she shook her head.

"Aw," Tobi whined. "Tobi is bored!"

"You guys get bored easily," Clari observed.

"We're normally on a mission or training all the time," Kisame explained.

"Perhaps if we find a place to train..." Pein suggested.

"I think I could do that," Clari said thoughtfully. "Find a place for you guy to train, I mean."

"That'd be great!" Konan applauded.

"But where?" Itachi asked.

"Well," she began. "There's a spot in the woods that's pretty secluded, but close to the house. I could take you guys down there and see if you like it."

"Do we have to ride in the truck?" Zetsu wondered.

"Yeah. You guys run faster than the truck and I have to give you directions," Clari said apologetically.

The group looked uneasy. Obviously none of them liked the idea of riding in the back of the truck...at all. Personally, Clari didn't really like the idea either. She wasn't a good driver in the first place, so she normally left driving around in the woods to Jaye. She would suggest walking there, but it was too far away. It would take forever. That, and she was lazy.

"I have an idea, un!" Deidara said. "What if I carried Clari and she could give directions and we wouldn't have to ride in the truck?"

There were nods of approval from the Akatsuki, but Clari shook her head. "No, I refuse to - "

"Let's take a vote," Pein said slyly. "All in favor of Deidara's plan, raise their hand."

Everyone but Clari raised their hand. Deidara put both in the air.

"All in favor of Clari's plan?"

Clari crossed her arms and huffed. "Fine. We'll leave at noon."

oOoOoOoOo

Work went by monotonously. Today seemed like an unusually slow day. Jaye would've normally bailed by now, but she'd already skipped work twice this week and she honestly couldn't afford to loose her job. At least not now, with the Akatsuki staying. Her mother had mentioned their excessive spending when Jaye last talked to her over the phone, but she'd dodged the question as best she could. She could only hope that her mother would come up with her own explanation, like they were throwing her a surprise party or something. Lily wasn't a suspicious person; in fact, she pretty much let Jaye and Clari do whatever the wanted as long as it didn't involve drugs, liquor, or sex. But she was still a parent, and she had limits.

Jaye's co-worker, Ryan, didn't have this dilemma. She'd only missed work once this month, so she was basically free to do as she pleased. And she was, of course, choosing today to use that privilege. She grabbed her bag and announced that she was leaving.

"You suck, Ry," Jaye said grumpily.

"You snooze you loose, Jaye," Ryan replied cheerfully, waving a piece of short pink hair out of her face. "See ya."

"Whatever."

As Ryan left, Jaye glanced at the clock. Noon. _I get off in one hour,_ she told herself. _I can do this._

She turned back to the door, resting her chin on her fist with a look of utter boredom plastered to her face.

oOoOoOoOo

Things were anything _but _boring back at the house. As soon as the clock struck twelve, the Akatsuki were ready to run. Clari, on the other hand, died a little bit inside when noon came. The indignity of being carried by anyone in general was tremendous, but being carried by Deidara was particularly embarrassing to her. He, however, seemed almost giddy when they walked into the back yard, facing the woods.

"So," he said, smirking. "Do you want to ride on my back, or would you rather me carry you?"

"Neither option is appealing," Clari retorted crossly.

"Fine, un. Carry you it is."

"But wait I didn't - ah! Deidara, put me down!" she commanded loudly. He'd scooped her up into a princess hold (which she thought indignant by itself) and was now waiting for orders from Pein. With a nod from their leader, the whole Akatsuki burst into a run.

Despite her initial embarrassment, Deidara took off so suddenly that she burrowed closer to him, squeezing her eyes shut. She felt his laugh reverberate through his chest. How he could even laugh was beyond her. They were going so fast...shouldn't he be gasping for breath? Her scalp hurt because the wind was making her hair fly back so forcefully. Strangely enough, she wasn't being jostled around like she should be. The ride was rather smooth actually; more like a boat than a rollercoaster.

Tentatively, Clari opened one eye. She blinked away tears but refused to close it. The trees were zipping by quickly, but she could still see where they were going. She saw a familiar boulder rising to meet them. "Turn left at that rock," she yelled. Deidara nodded and did so. Looking behind them, she could see the rest of the Akatsuki following.

She settled back to enjoy the rest of the ride, calling out directions when needed. The journey definitely wasn't relaxing due to the speed at which they were going, but it was fun.

They arrived at the clearing too soon. Deidara set her down and caught her when her knees gave out. "You okay, un?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little disoriented," Clari said, sitting down on the mat of pinestraw and moss that covered the ground. She blinked, trying to get the trees to stop spinning. _I guess this is where the motion sickness sets in..._

"You sure, un?"

"Yup," Clari said, shakily standing up. "This is it. What do you guys think?"

The clearing was fairly large, surrounded by a thick circle of different sized trees and underbrush. They looked around appreciatively, knocking on the wood of the trees and testing places in the ground. Clari patiently waited for them to make a decision.

"It's...suitable," Pein declared.

"Cool," Clari said. "Just a few things though..."

"What?" Hidan said irritably, obviously ready to start training.

"You guys can come out here whenever you want, but when you do make sure that you try and keep it down. If people hear loud noises in the woods they will get suspicious and call the police. Also, if you hear someone coming you need to hide. It's kind of out of the way, so that shouldn't happen often, but if it does...well, yeah," she concluded lamely.

Pein nodded. "We can do that."

"Great," Clari said. "Now, um...do whatever you guys do. I'll go sit over there..."

They ignored her and began with their training.

Clari could do nothing but watch in awe as the Akatsuki trained. She never thought anyone could be so graceful, so powerful. Every one of them were incredible. Each strike was accurate to the millimeter, each blow frighteningly strong. Yet everything they did held some kind of crude beauty, like a ballerina squishing a spider...repeatedly. Clari decided that she would rather not be the spider in her lame analogy. _People have reason to fear them..._ she thought. It wasn't until now that she realized how catastrophic their meeting could have been. What if her mother _hadn't _been a friend of the Akatsuki? Yet somehow, even with the Akatsuki showing off their deadly skills, she couldn't see them hurting her or Jaye. Watching them now, in combat mode, she realized that they'd been gentle with her and Jaye. Tender, even. It made her smile, just a little bit.

Her smile quickly faded as a little clay bird landed on a tree root beside her.

With a shriek she shot up and ran behind the tree, waiting for the explosion that would follow. Instead, she heard Deidara's booming laughter. Angrily, she poked her head out from behind the tree. "Deidara! That's not funny!"

"Yes it is, un," he chuckled, walking over to her. From a combination of the hot summer afternoon, his heavy black robe, and physical exertion, he was glittering with a fine sheen of sweat. It stuck to his long hair and the long sleeves of his clothes. Clari wrinkled her nose as he approached.

"You stink...literally," she added.

His expression was something between a scowl and a smirk. "You would too."

"True."

"So," he continued, leaning against the tree trunk. "What do you think?"

She looked at the movement of black and red robes. "You guys are...impressive."

"Just impressive, un?" Deidara said, raising an eyebrow contradictorily.

"Okay, you guys are amazing. I'd totally believe you were ninjas," Clari admitted.

He rolled his eyes. "That's 'cause we are, un."

"Deidara!" Pein called, pausing in the midst of the action, equally sweaty and stinky as Deidara. "Hurry up!"

With a wink at Clari, Deidara went back to training. Clari resumed her post, settling in the small nook between two large tree roots. She tore her eyes away from the Akatsuki to tentatively observe the bird that perched on a twig beside her. It was fantastically detailed for such a small piece, so realistic that if it was bigger she probably would have mistaken it for an actual bird. Cautiously, she stroked it. It wasn't slimy, like she'd expect. It was smooth and slightly warm to the touch, as if someone had sanded it and then clutched it in their fist.

She pulled her finger away, wiping it on a tree root just in case there was some kind of explosive residue on it. Then, with one last nervous look at the hazardous sculpture, she turned her attention back to the Akatsuki.

oOoOoOoOo

Jaye was relieved beyond belief when her shift was over. Only three customers had ventured inside, and of those one had bought something. It was a very, very slow day. And, of course, she chose to go to work on the slow day. Just her luck.

Seth, the person who took over after her shift was done, walked inside the empty store. "Hey, Jaye."

"Hey, Seth," she greeted, glad to see him so she could leave. She paused, looking at the dark shadows under his eyes. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, just tired," he said, pulling a Monster energy drink from his bag. "You know Barb, my dog?"

"That the...german shepard, right?" Jaye asked. Seth had two dogs; Barb the german shepard and Sax the rottweiler.

"Yeah, that's her. She had puppies a while ago and we can't seem to sell any of them. They're starting to get out of hand."

"Wait," Jaye demanded. "Your _german shepard_ had puppies with your _rottweiler_?"

"Yup," Seth said. "I know. We've got three of these soon-to-be huge puppies, and we don't know what to do with them. If we can't find them a home in two or three weeks...Mom's starting to look at good pounds."

"Oh, that's too bad," Jaye agreed. German shepard and rottweiler mix...bound to be a protective dog...fierce and protective. Big. Scary. Perfect. "You know, Seth, I've been wanting to get a dog..."

His face lit up. "Really? You should go by my house on your way home. My mom will give you one."

"Perfect," Jaye said, smiling. "I might just do that. Surprise Clari. Anyway, I'll see you later, Seth."

"Bye."

On her way to Seth's house, Jaye bought dog food, dog bowls, and other things she might need for a dog. She made an appointment for the vet for tomorrow. She really had been looking at dogs, and Lily had said it was okay. Having a big, protective dog was even better.

She rang the doorbell, waving a hand in front of her face in an attempt to ease the sticky summer heat. The door opened, revealing Seth's mom. She was tall, though not quite as tall as Jaye, with black hair in a pixie cut and a face nearly identical to Seth's. She blinked in surprise.

"Jaye! How nice to see you," she greeted. "Seth's not here...in fact, he just left for work."

"I know, ma'am," Jaye said politely. "He told me that Barb had just had puppies and I was wondering if - "

"YES!" Seth's mom exclaimed. "Yes! Please, take one! They're potty trained and they have shots and everything, I swear. Just. Take. One."

She opened the door wide, inviting Jaye inside. As soon as she stepped inside, three puppies charged at her. 'Puppies' used loosely. They were very large for their age, their heads already mid-thigh. The biggest one took after it's mother; it looked like it had hardly any rottweiler in it. On the other hand, the middle one was all rottweiler. The runt was an even mixture of the two breeds, which was rather strange to see. It had pointy ears like a shepard, but it's snout was too short. It was too broad to be a shepard, but too lean to be a rottie. The coloring was off; it was pitch black, but instead of brown accents it had brownish-black accents; like a shepard.

"These two are girls," Seth's mom said, patting the two bigger ones on the head. "The runt is a boy. They're all fixed."

"Do they have names?" Jaye asked, petting the dogs as they jumped at her.

"Yes, but you can change them if you don't like them," Seth's mom continued. "The biggest is Bella, the middle is Blythe, and the last one is Bear."

Jaye laughed as one licked her face. "They're adorable."

"Yes, they are. But five dogs is just too many."

Jaye stood, assessing the three puppies. Bella would probably be the best choice for a guard dog, since she was the biggest, but Jaye'd always had a soft spot for runts...and besides, who could resist that cute little shepard-and-rottie face, even if it was a bit weird? Jaye fell in love with him. "I'll take Bear."

"Really?" Seth's mom said, sounding shocked. "Huh...I thought Bella and Blythe would go before him...he's a little...well, ugly."

"No, he's not," Jaye said, petting Bear behind the ears and using her coddling voice. "He's adorable. And unique. I'll take him. Do you want me to pay or...?"

"No, no, just getting one off my hands is enough," Seth's mom said, handing Jaye a leash.

Jaye said goodbye and left with Bear. He hopped right in the front seat and wagged his stubby little tail. Jaye started the car and rolled down the windows just a litte, hoping that he would stick his head out like dogs did in the movies. He didn't disappoint. Jaye laughed, watching as he long, slimy tongue rolled out of his smiling mouth. "Hidan's going to be terrified of you, you little monster."

He barked in response.

oOoOoOoOo

The Akatsuki was done training after an hour or so. Everyone was sweaty and gross. Clari's stomach sank as she thought of all the laundry she'd have to do later._ I wonder what would happen if I took their robes to dry cleaning_...

Everyone else didn't have to wait for Deidara and Clari this time, since they new the way. While they raced ahead, Deidara asked her, "Do you want me to carry you again?"

Clari debated this for a moment. "I'll piggy-back this time, and see which is better."

Deidara shrugged. "Okay." In one fluid motion, he'd knocked her legs out from under her and somehow caught her on his back, so that he held her knees at about his hips. Clari wrapped her arms around his neck before she fell backwards. He made a sound. "Don't choke me, un."

"Sorry," Clari said, loosening her grip. He chose that moment to take off. Clari screamed and tightened her arms around his neck again. He laughed sadistically.

"That's not nice!" she accused, waving blonde hair out of her face.

"I never said I was nice, un."

"Hmph," she said. She focused on the ride. The ridiculous speed was thrilling and the harsh wind cooled her off. Watching all the trees whiz by was nauseating, so she rested her chin on Deidara's shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Starting to get comfortable, un?" Deidara questioned. Clari could hear the arrogant smile in his words.

"No. Motion sickness," she muttered.

"Liar."

She opened one eye and was preparing a response when the trees broke and the house came into view. The car wasn't there.

"Huh," she commented as Deidara set her down. "Jaye's not back from work yet...she's normally home by now."

They walked inside. Clari had made sure the door was unlocked so Hidan wouldn't feel the need to break it down again. The neighborhood wasn't a bad one anyway. She looked around curiously, searching for Jaye despite the evidence that she wasn't home yet. "Has anyone seen Jaye?"

"No," Konan replied. "Is she not home from work yet?"

"I guess not...I'd better call her," Clari said nervously. "Maybe she took an extra shift or something..."

Just as she had said that, headlights beamed through the windows. Moments later, Jaye burst through the door. "I'M HOOOOME!"

"Yes, we can all see that," Zetsu remarked.

"And guess what?" Jaye continued, ignoring Zetsu. "I got a surprise!"

"Oh! What kind of surprise!" Tobi squeaked.

"Everybody...meet Bear!" she exclaimed. A blur of blackish-brown fur shot from the door, sprinting around the room in chaotic circles, knocking things over and effectively awakening the tired Akatsuki. Clari caught the trailing leash. The dog came to a sudden stop, his feet sliding out from under him. He quickly hopped up and galloped over to her, licking her face.

"Aww!" Clari said, rubbing Bear's ears. "How cute! Who's is he?"

"Ours!" said Jaye, smiling. "I got him from Seth. We've been talking about getting a dog, so..."

Clari considered Bear for a moment. "I can't resist that face. What kind of dog is he?"

"German shepard and rottweiler mix," Jaye explained.

"Interesting."

"So...you're keeping that thing as a pet?" Kisame asked with distaste.

"Yes," Clari and Jaye said in unison.

"Should we be concerned...?" Konan whispered to Pein. Everyone turned to him, awaiting an answer.

He shrugged. "If the girls see no harm in him, I don't see any reason why we should. He's just a dog."

As in response to that, Bear leapt out of Clari's arms and onto Pein's lap. The leader was in too much shock to do anything. No one approached the Akatsuki leader like that. No. One. Bear only made it worse by unrolling his excessively long, slobbery tongue and dragging it across Pein's face. There was absolute silence.

Then Itachi sneezed.

Everyone's attention was whipped away from Bear and Pein and drawn to Itachi. This sound was so unfamiliar and unexpected (especially from him) that it was even more astounding than the dog. Itachi himself even seemed startled, his eyebrows raised the slightest fraction. He sneezed again.

"Itachi...I think you might be allergic to Bear," Clari said with a chuckle. Hearing his name, the puppy raced towards Clari, hopping into her arms once more.

"No," Itachi said, his eyebrows coming back down just enough to look mildly irritated. "I'm not allergic to anything."

"Whatever floats your boat," Jaye said tauntingly.

"What? I have no boat. Even if I did, I don't understand how that would help me float it," Itachi replied.

"It's a saying, just...nevermind."

Pein was looking concerned. "If Itachi is allergic to Bear...is that a problem?"

"Does it matter?" Jaye defended. "We're keeping Bear either way. Itachi'll just have to deal with it."

"I'm not allergic to the dog," Itachi put in.

"The Akatsuki can't get sick," Pein argued.

"I'm not allergic to the dog," Itachi said.

"Allergies aren't that big of a deal in most cases," Clari explained. "Itachi will sneeze when Bear's around, but I don't think he'll become seriously ill."

"I'm not allergic to the dog," Itachi reminded.

"Still..." Pein said reluctantly. "If the puppy makes him unhealthy..."

"I'm. Not. Allergic. To. The. Dog."

"Itachi obviously doesn't believe he's allergic to Bear," Jaye said. "So who cares? If he wants to sneeze all the time, let him."

"Fine," Pein surrendered. The girls grinned.

"Welcome home, Bear!" Jaye said. She couldn't wait for tomorrow morning.

* * *

**"The rules of fair play do not apply in love and war." - John Lyly, _Euphues _**

**If you're wondering what a ninja glare is, go to Youtube and simply type 'How to be ninja' into the search box. There you will find your answer. **

**Now, I have a question: has anyone actually _seen_ a rottweiler/german shepard mix? Rottweilers are my favorite dog, but my friend really likes german shepards, and so Bear was born. I did the best I could with the description, but I've never actually met a mix of that kind (it would be a rather odd dog if you think about it; between the coloring, ears, nose, even the tail is different!) so I couldn't really describe it with 200% accuracy. If anyone knows of any rottweiler/german shepards and thinks my description is completely off, don't be afraid to put it in your reviews.**


	5. Spastic Secrets and Pleasantly Warm

******Chapter Five: Spastic Secrets and Pleasantly Warm**

* * *

Jaye slept well into the morning, not worried about Hidan now. Bear was dutifully stationed at her feet, his head resting on his paws. He jerked awake when Clari got up to make breakfast, but then went back to sleep. Jaye was in some state between sleep and consciousness. She could hear voices from downstairs, but she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes. She was just too tired.

She heard her door open. It registered somewhere in her brain that Hidan was coming into her bedroom, but she didn't do anything about it. Bear hadn't moved from his spot on the bed. Jaye still didn't open her eyes.

She did open her eyes, however, when Hidan stuck his saliva-covered finger into her exposed ear. She shrieked and rolled over, her hand leading the way. It hit him square in the face.

"Ow! Bitch!"

"Bastard!"

Bear barked.

"Why did you put your disgusting, slobbery finger in my ear?" Jaye demanded, sticking her own, dry finger in her ear in an attempt to discard Hidan's spit.

"Why did you hit my fucking face?" he exclaimed, poking his tender nose. "That fucking hurt!"

Bear growled.

Hidan turned to face the dog. "Shut up!"

Bear growled, following it with a bark.

"Don't yell at him!" Jaye said, hopping out of bed and scowling at Hidan.

"You're defending a dog?"

"Yes, yes I am. You got a problem with it?"

Hidan poked her shoulder. "Actually, I do."

Bear growled again, much fiercely. Hidan smirked. "What, you don't like it when I do this?" Hidan jabbed Jaye's shoulder again. She leered at the Hidan-infected spot incredulously, thinking about burning the shirt later. Bear let loose a series of barks.

"Shut up, stupid fucking dog!" Hidan cried. Bear barked and leapt for him. Hidan yelled and hopped out of the way. Bear landed on the floor and restarted his pursuit, chasing the fleeing Hidan into the hallway and down the stairs. Jaye listened with a smile as her dog tore at Hidan's robe. She had a feeling that he wouldn't be bothering her ever again.

oOoOoOoOo

Hidan came tripping downstairs followed by a furious Bear. The dog tackled Hidan and sent him to the ground, much to the other Akatsuki members' amusement. He took a bite into Hidan's robe, shaking his head side to side in a ferocious attempt to rip it off and dig into the bare back that lay beneath. Clari grabbed the treats from the top of the fridge and dug one out, waving it in Bear's vision. "Bear...look what I got."

The vicious guard dog was suddenly a little puppy again. He hopped off Hidan's back and took the treat from Clari's hands, gnawing on it gratefully. Hidan was still laying face down on the living room carpet, surrounded by the guffawing Akatsuki. Jaye came downstairs to see what the commotion was about. She, too, started laughing. She even dared to step on Hidan's back in her journey to the kitchen.

That was a mistake. In a quick move, Hidan knocked Jaye's feet out from under her, sending her toppling to the floor beside him. Much like Hidan, she laid face down on the carpet. Then she slowly turned her head to glare at him. "You. Bastard."

"Bitch."

Bear was too involved in his treat to do anything.

They laid on the carpet there for a while, glaring at each other, both afraid to get up and let the other trip them. They laid there for so long that the Akatsuki and Clari actually got bored watching them and went back to their separate tasks. They were laying there when Bear finished his treat. They were laying there when Clari was done making breakfast. And they were laying there until Pein finally grabbed a broom and hit Hidan on the head with it. "Get up." He hit Jaye too, though a bit softer. "You too."

"Over my dead body," Jaye protested, her gaze flickering away from Hidan to spare Pein a scowl. Hidan chose that time to use his ninja-speed and hop up without her noticing.

"Don't give me any ideas, bitch," he said, walking past her. Pein followed and handed Clari the broom.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

oOoOoOoOo

The day was rather slow for the girls. The Akatsuki went to train after they'd eaten lunch. Clari and Jaye took advantage of this time to relieve their computer-deprived brains. They hadn't turned it on since the Akatsuki had first came, not wanting to take the risk. Clari remembered Pein saying that they (accidentally) burned down Emi's house when they discovered that they were the evil villains in an anime. She didn't want to think about what they'd do if they saw the many disturbing pictures the internet had to offer.

When Clari was taking her turn on the computer, Jaye watched TV. "There's a big storm coming," she remarked, watching the radar on the screen.

"So?"

"Just saying..."

"As long as I have my iPod I'll be fine," Clari retorted. She did not like storms, especially big ones. Thunder scared her. She knew it wasn't a logical fear, like spiders or snakes, but she just hated it. She couldn't sleep during a thunderstorm if she didn't have her iPod cranked up to top volume. Why, she had no idea. Lily said that she'd never had any bad experiences with thunder or storms, but ever since she'd come to live with them she'd been scared of it. Then again, Lily had really only known Clari since she moved in with her mom. Something could have happened before then, but Emi was not here to ask.

"Okay." Jaye turned her attention back to the television screen, changing the channels so quickly that she couldn't possibly see what shows were on. Finally, she sighed, turning off the TV. "I'm going to take a nap before work."

"Just don't wake up late. I'm not going to be the one to wake you up if you do, not after last time."

"What did I do last time?" Jaye asked, struggling to remember.

"You broke my ass."

Jaye was thoughtful for a moment. "That was the night they got here."

"Yup," Clari said.

"It's been..." Jaye counted on her fingers. "Seven days, almost."

"Yup," Clari said again. "Lily called. I'm picking her up from the airport in two days."

"The Akatsuki..."

"Will probably be gone by then."

"If they aren't?"

Clari paused. "I dunno. I guess...we introduce them to Lily?"

"I guess...how do you think Mom will take us housing nine criminals?"

"Badly," she said truthfully.

"What about the fact that eight of them are older guys?" Jaye asked with a sly smile. "One of which you have a major crush on."

"Very ba - wait! I don't like Deidara like that!"

"I never said you did."

"It was implied," Clari said, her face crimson. "And what about you and Hidan?"

"What about us?" Jaye responded coolly.

"You know..."

"No, I don't know. Care to elaborate?"

Clari scowled, wishing she could mimic her cousin's composed expression. "You're no fun."

"I know," Jaye said, grinning. She got up. "Now for my nap!"

Clari spared her a glare as she left, closing the laptop and making sure it was shut down.

oOoOoOoOo

Hidan was glad to finally be doing _something_. His only amusement over the past week had been Jaye, and now that she got the fucking dog...what was wrong with her? Who would want that thing as a pet?

_I'm fucking immortal and I still don't fully understand women_, he thought. _At least not _her.

"HIDAN!" Pein called from across the large clearing. "Focus!"

Hidan muttered to himself. He had to admit, he wasn't trying his hardest. Pein had been urging them to do just that. Hidan didn't understand why he wasn't doing his best. He wasn't tired; in fact, he was anything but. All his bottled up energy had been doing nothing for seven days. _I just need to focus. _Training was supposed to clear his head of all thought. Instead, he was constructing an internal monologue.

They didn't stay at the training sight as long as they did yesterday, when Clari was with them, mainly because of the huge purple thunderheads blooming in the distance. By the time they'd ran all the way through the woods and made it to the front porch of the girls' house, it was beginning to drizzle.

Warm, greasy smells came from the kitchen, where Clari was making dinner. Kakuzu peered into the pan. "What're you making?"

"Chicken stir fry," she answered. Hidan didn't want to stick around for the boring conversation, but he didn't see Jaye in the living room.

"Where the fuck is Jaye?" he demanded.

Clari smiled to herself. "Upstairs in her room, sleeping."

Hidan glanced at Bear, who was at Clari's feet hoping for food, then grinned. He ran upstairs where Jaye was, indeed, sleeping. Her door was unlocked. Hidan looked around her messy room; she hadn't even bothered to pick up the baseballs. At some degree, deep down inside, Hidan envied her. Pein never allowed them to get this sloppy. _If I lived in this world..._

Hidan dismissed that thought as quickly as it had come. Quiting the Akatsuki was unthinkable. He turned his attention back to the sleeping girl and bent down to picked up a baseball, testing it in his hand. Then he chucked it at her pillow-covered head.

Her reaction was immediate. She popped up, knocking the pillow into her lap and revealing her puff of black hair. She probably only had hair as long as Hidan's, only she didn't slick it back so it hung in her face untidily. She glared at him, wrinkling her nose in that familiar way.

"HIDAN!" she shouted, slamming both fists onto her bed. He just laughed. Scowling, she grabbed the baseball and threw it back at him. He dodged it, and it hit a picture in the hallway. The glass broke and the frame fell to the ground. Hidan heard Clari's voice from downstairs.

"What was that?" she called.

"NOTHING!" Jaye yelled back. She turned back to Hidan. "Get the hell out of my room!"

"Nope, I'm good," he said, taking a step forward. The things that happened next were like a slide show, each movement frozen for a second before continuing to the next one.

Hidan stepped on a baseball.

He lost his balance.

He fell on top of Jaye, pinning her to the bed.

He kissed her.

He hadn't meant to. It just happened that way, stars aligning and planets crossing and whatnot. Fate, one might say. It was a really crappy fate, though, because the last person he wanted to be kissing was Jayden Itishi, and he was sure the feeling was mutual. Maybe. Because the way her lips were reflexively moving with his in that moment, it didn't seem like she had any problems with it at all.

Then Jaye brought her hands to his shoulders and pushed him just far enough that his lips were removed from hers. She couldn't even scowl, she was so surprised. Her next words were slow and deliberate, as if she was having trouble speaking. "Get. Off. Me."

Hidan obeyed, not sure what else to do. If he disobeyed, it would look like he'd kissed her on purpose, which was definitely _not_ the case...though he couldn't say he regretted it. Yet.

When she sat up on her elbows, her face was scarlet, her mouth gaping. Hidan knew that he looked the exact opposite, his face white as a sheet and his lips pressed together in a tight line. The only thing their expressions had in common were their widened eyes. Jaye took a deep breath.

"We won't ever speak of this. Ever. This never even happened. Got it?"

Hidan nodded.

"Good. Now get out."

Again, he obeyed. Not trusting his confused emotions, he went up to his bedroom and locked the door.

oOoOoOoOo

Jaye left for work right after Hidan woke her up, though she wouldn't have to be there for another half hour. Her excuse was that she was meeting Ryan and Seth at the food court before work, but she was stiff and quiet as she said it. Very un-Jaye-like. Clari asked what was wrong, but Jaye dodged the question skillfully and practically sprinted out the door. Hidan didn't come down until Jaye had left.

"Hey, do you know what's wrong with Jaye?" Clari asked.

"No," Hidan said hastily. "Why the fuck would I know what was wrong with Jaye? It's not like we're married or anything. Why the fuck do you care anyway? I think you should just stay out of our business. Not that we have any business. Together. We have business separately but we don't have any business together."

"Ummm..."

"STOP INTERROGATING ME!" he screamed before running back upstairs. Clari heard his door slam.

"What the hell...?" Deidara remarked.

"That was spastic," Clari agreed.

"Spastic?" Itachi inquired.

"Yeah. Means...prone to overreact."

"So basically the opposite of you, Itachi," Kisame put in.

"Yes...that was very 'spastic' of Hidan," Pein said. "I wonder what happened..."

"Probably had something to do with Jaye," Clari sighed. "They broke the picture frame upstairs."

"Do you think that Hidan enjoys sneaking into Jaye's bedroom a little too much?" Zetsu pondered. "_It's kind of creepy_."

"Deidara-senpai, I said the same thing when - " Tobi began, but Deidara put a hand over his masked mouth to stop him from saying anything.

Suddenly, the quiet mist outside got louder. Konan peered between the blinds. "It's raining harder."

Clari frowned, setting food down on the table. "I'm going to go get my iPod real quick."

She went upstairs. Ten seconds later, they heard her scream loudly. "BEAR! NO! SPIT THAT OUT _RIGHT NOW_!" She came sprinting downstairs, holding the remains of a mangled electronic device in her hands. She put it on the counter and stared at it.

"Clari-chan...?" Tobi said, worried. She slowly reached out and grabbed a headphone, putting it in her ear. She pushed a button, then blanched.

"It's broken," she whispered. "Oh my God. It's actually broken. What am I going to do?"

"Clari, why does it matter if your iPod is broken?" Konan asked.

"_Because_..." Clari didn't want to tell the Akatsuki about her fear. She didn't want to reveal her silly weakness to them. It was just thunder. She hadn't spent a stormy night without her iPod or some other kind of blocking out noise since she was five...maybe she was over her fear. As if to contradict that thought, the pitter-patter of rain outside got even louder. "Nothing. It's nothing. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Clari said tightly, obviously not fooling anyone but unwilling to pursue the topic further. Jaye chose that moment to burst into the house, causing Clari to jump violently. She closed the door with a slam, shaking out her wet hair.

"It's pouring outside," she said, swiftly checking the attendance in the room. Seeming pleased, she strode in boisterously. She caught Clari's expression. "Clari? What's up?"

"My iPod is broken," she explained. "Your dog chewed it up."

Understanding dawned on Jaye's face. "You can borrow mine," she said, digging around in her purse. She brought up the iPod and frowned. "Huh. It's not charged. Just go up to my room and - "

The lights flickered out.

Clari tossed her head back and groaned. "REALLY?"

Jaye sighed. "I'll go get the flashlights and candles."

oOoOoOoOo

Later, when they were all gathered in the living room surrounded with candles (unscented, as Clari had thought to pick some up at the store) and flashlights, the rain fell harder and harder. It was only a matter of time before the thunder started. Her stomach was a huge knot. She didn't contribute to the scary stories that Jaye convinced everyone to tell, though she had plenty of her own.

The slam of a door erupted from somewhere in the house.

Clari jumped at least ten feet in the air and bolted upstairs. The shocked audience downstairs heard Hidan say, "What the fuck?" which was soon followed by a shout of protest and heavy thumping sounds. Hidan rolled to the foot of the stairs, glaring.

"She pushed me down the fucking stairs," Hidan stated, answering the questioning glances he was receiving. The group snickered.

"Come join us!" Tobi said. "We are telling scary stories!"

Hidan glanced at Jaye. "Fuck no."

"Why do you always say that word?" Jaye suddenly asked.

"What word?"

"Fuck."

"Because..."

"Is it the only cuss word you know or something?" Jaye interrogated.

"What? Fu - hell no! I just choose to say it," he defended.

"Riiight."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Do you have a hearing problem?" Jaye growled. "Yes, I said nothing. Now get over here and tell us a scary story, or I'll send Bear after you."

Hesitantly, Hidan approached the circle.

Jaye rolled her eyes. "Sit _down_," she demanded, tugging on the hem of his robe. He complied.

"Tell a scary story!" Tobi quipped.

"Fuck no!" Hidan shouted.

"You listen to Jaye-chan..." Tobi sniffed.

"I do not!"

"You sure about that?" Jaye asked dangerously.

"Yes! I don't listen to anyone, bitch!"

Jaye smiled a little before continuing with their argument, glad to have things back to normal. Well, what was considered normal since the Akatsuki came. But strangely enough, the thought of them _not_ being there didn't seem normal at all anymore. Jaye pushed that thought out of her mind, for it was not a good one to have.

oOoOoOoOo

Deidara started awake at the boom of thunder.

Groggily, he sat up on his elbows. Rain was still falling heavily outside. He looked at the clock, which said it was just a little past midnight. He'd only slept for an hour. Everyone had gone to bed after Hidan and Jaye's bickering became intolerably annoying.

Running his parched tongue over his teeth, he got up to get some water, carefully dodging the edge of the top bunk. He'd hit his head on that enough for it to be routine now.

He took the stairs two at a time, not worried about tripping even in the dark. He did, however, flick on the light in the kitchen, hoping that the electricity was back on. He was disappointed. _I guess I'll have to get my drink in the dark._

Deidara opened the fridge and felt around until he found the pitcher of lemonade.

"Deidara?"

He nearly dropped the pitcher of lemonade, wheeling around. No one was there. "Hello?"

"Under here." Someone popped their head out from under the table. Deidara squinted.

"Clari? Is that you, un?"

"Yeah..."

"Why are you under the table?"

"I'm scared." He saw her face darken.

"...So you're hiding under the table?"

"Yes."

The room was illuminated with a harsh white light, revealing her too-bright eyes. The lightning was followed by thunder that made Clari squeeze her eyes shut and tense into the already tiny ball she was curled into.

"Are you crying?" Deidara asked, surprised.

"No," she scowled.

"Come on," Deidara said, rolling his eyes and holding out a hand. She looked confused.

"What?"

"I'm going to help you, un."

She took his hand. "How?"

He smirked and helped her out from under the table. "You'll see."

oOoOoOoOo

Clari laid on the extreme edge of the bed.

Deidara sighed. "Clari, I'm not going to do anything, un. If you're all the way over there I can't help you."

She said nothing. She was ashamed that he felt obligated to be here "helping" her in the first place. After all this time, she was still scared of thunder. Hiding under the table had helped when she was little and Lily had gone on business trips, leaving her niece and daughter with a trusted babysitter, but it didn't help much anymore. Deidara had decided to help by escorting her to her room...or so she thought. When he followed her inside and flopped on the bed, patting the side next to him, she was more than a little embarrassed.

A bright light flashed across the room. Clari shut her eyes against the horrible sound that followed. She was never going to get any sleep.

She felt his hand grab the back of her shirt and pull her to the center of the bed. His arm wrapped around her waist. She was tense and blushing. This was not helping. At all.

Several minutes passed. Deidara seemed perfectly at ease, almost to the point of sleep. Clari was uncomfortable and her arm was falling asleep. Thinking that Deidara was unconscious, she rolled over.

"Warming up to me, hmm?"

"Shut up. My arm fell asleep."

"Which one?"

"Does it matter?"

"Not really, un."

She focused on the wrinkles in his shirt, picking out the light and dark values like she would if she were to draw it. This calmed her down a little. Shyly, she glanced up at his face. His eyes (at least the one she could see) were closed. He could have been asleep, but something told her he wasn't.

"Deidara?"

"Mmm?"

"Umm...nothing. Just wondering if you were awake."

He opened one blue eye, a slight hint of annoyance (probably because of Tobi doing this exact same thing) shadowing his features. "Did you consider the fact that I might be sleeping, un?"

"No, I didn't. Sorry."

He chuckled before closing his eye again and settling into the covers. Clari yawned. Lightning flashed again. She tried to focus on the soapy smell that clung to his clothes, on the way the harsh light turned his hair from yellow to silver, but she still flinched when the thunder sounded. Deidara's brow creased and he pulled her closer. He was pleasantly warm, the kind of warm that made you never want to get out of bed in the morning. She relaxed almost immediately.

Clari's eyelids began to grow heavy. She finally closed them and sighed contently. Maybe she would get some sleep after all...

* * *

**A short but important chapter. Lots of fluffy stuff.**


	6. Missing Members and Tortured Eyes

**Chapter Six: Missing Members and Tortured Eyes**

* * *

When Tobi awoke the next morning, he knew something was amiss. There was no sense of another person in the room; Deidara certainly wouldn't be up yet. It was his strict policy to never wake before nine in the morning. However, it was seven-thirty and Deidara was nowhere to be found. Well, he wasn't in his bunk at least. But this was reason enough for Tobi to freak out...him, being Tobi.

He banged on Pein's door.

"Deidara-senpai is not sleeping!" Tobi exclaimed. He peaked out of his eye-hole only to find that it was not Pein but Konan who'd opened the door. "Konan-sama? What are you doing in Pein-sama's room?"

Pein came up behind a very confused Konan, leaning against the door frame. "Tobi? It's seven-thirty in the morning."

"Yes, and Deidara-senpai is not sleeping!" Tobi explained once more, deciding to save the Konan-obviously-sleeping-in-Pein's-bedroom discussion for a later time.

"So?"

"So Deidara-senpai is not in his bunk! Tobi is concerned."

"I'm sure that Deidara is fine, Tobi," Konan assured, running her fingers though sleep-snarled hair.

"But what if he was kidnapped!"

"By whom?"

"Umm...well, Tobi doesn't know."

"There's no reason to worry. We came here because we don't have any enemies," Pein said logically. "Go back to bed."

"But Pein-sama - "

Pein had already closed the door.

oOoOoOoOo

Clari yawned and stretched. She wasn't quite awake yet, but she was getting there. _Need to get up...make breakfast...so tired...warm...Deidara's warm_. Her eyelids were heavy with sleep. She snuggled closer to the warm Deidara, burying her face in his shirt. _Sleep for a little longer_.

TWO HOURS LATER...

Now, Pein was beginning to worry.

Tobi was practically having a panic attack. They knocked on the rest of the Akatsuki's door to get them to help in the search for Deidara. When his absence continued, they woke up Jaye. They were going to wake up Clari too, but...

"She probably didn't get to sleep until it stopped raining last night," Jaye said, grabbing Pein's wrist before his knuckles hit the door.

"So?"

"So, if you wake her up I will dismember you with Hidan's scythe and soak your remains in acid."

"Point taken. But if we don't find him soon I will wake her up. She might have a clue where he is, if she was up so late last night."

"Fine," Jaye agreed. "But only if I say it's okay."

They searched the rest of the house. The kitchen, the living room, the garage, the bathrooms, all the closets, the attic, the basement, and the yard. Kakuzu and Hidan even went to check the training area. They came up with nothing.

"Okay, Jaye," Pein said, marching to Clari's door. "This has gone far enough. I'm waking her up."

"Yeah...okay. But I'll do it," she said, slipping past the Akatsuki leader and gently knocked on the door, opening it a crack and peeking inside. "Clari...?"

She straightened her spine and threw the door open, allowing the Akatsuki to process the sight in front of them. There was one too many people in Clari's bed; the Akatsuki had found their missing member. The person in question had his arms wrapped around Clari protectively, his face burrowed in her hair. Clari's torso was splayed on top of Deidara's chest, her head tucked under his chin and her fingers twined in his long blond hair.

And how did Jaye handle the sight of her cousin snuggling with an otherworldly S-ranked criminal capable of the destruction of entire villages?

"Pfffftthahahahahahahahahahaha!" Jaye was shaken with so much laughter that it hurt her sides. Everyone behind her began laughing just as boisterously, with the exception of Itachi and Pein. Both Clari and Deidara were startled awake. They were both rather disoriented and both screamed and scurried apart when they saw each other. Unfortunately (for them) Clari's fingers were still tangled in Deidara's hair, causing him to cuss loudly.

"Dammit, Clari! You're pulling my hair!"

"Sorry!" Deidara was still as Clari removed her fingers from the knots in his blonde tresses, blushing vividly as she did so. "There."

"Deidara...she's only...sixteen! Have some...patience!" Kisame managed to wheeze between fits of laughter.

Deidara glared, actually blushing in the slightest. Clari, on the other hand, was red up to her hairline.

"Clari...Mom taught you...better!" Jaye guffawed.

Clari's embarrassment was slowly dwindling down to irritation. She waited for them to stop laughing. They didn't. She slipped off the bed and squeezed between the accumulating bodies in her doorway. "Yeah, yeah, you've had your laugh. Move so I can get a shower and make breakfast."

"_Do you want Deidara to go with you_?" Zetsu asked with a perfectly straight face. This brought on another round of laughter and another scarlet blush from Clari. She pushed past them to get to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Truthfully, she was mortified. She shouldn't have let Deidara in her room in the first place, even if he did help her sleep. She should have just toughed it out. It would have saved her the humiliation.

Outside, she heard a loud, fiery noise and protest from Zetsu.

She smiled. _Well, at least I'm not alone._

oOoOoOoOo

When she came downstairs, Clari was greeted with giggles. She spared the gigglers a scowl before retreating to the kitchen to make biscuits and gravy.

As she was putting the biscuits in the oven, Kisame walked in. She gave him a pre-glare before turning back to the stove and stirring the sausage for the gravy. He watched her for a minute before saying anything.

"So...is what Deidara said true?"

Clari sighed. _Just when you think you can trust a guy, he goes around falsely telling everyone you slept with him. _To Kisame she said: "It's Deidara. Are you honestly going to believe anything he says?"

"Well, I didn't peg him for the kind of guy who actually _did _get some and lying about it..." Kisame said, turning and walking out of the room.

"Wait!" Clari demanded, grabbing his arm. "What exactly did he say?"

"He said that you guys didn't do anything," Kisame said, shrugging. "I believed him but..."

"We didn't do anything!" Clari dismissed, blushing at the absurdity of such a thing.

"But you said - "

"Forget what I said. We didn't do anything. Why are you so concerned about it anyway?" she inquired.

Again, Kisame shrugged. "I'm not. Pein said to come in and ask you about it."

"Huh? Why would he do that?"

"I dunno," he said. "I'm just following orders."

"Oh." Clari set the food on the table. "Can you go tell everyone that breakfast is ready?"

"Yep," Kisame smiled, taking a biscuit before leaving.

oOoOoOoOo

"Pein, what's wrong?" Konan asked as he sat on the bed, thoughtful and silent. He'd been distant since Deidara had gone missing. Konan had originally thought that it was because Tobi had found out that they shared a room (which should be that big of a deal; Pein would handle it well, she was sure), but after they found their missing member his quiet became even more pronounced.

"We need to leave soon," he said, almost to himself.

"Why?"

"They're getting too attached to the girls," he said, turning to look at her. "It's only a matter of time before one of them refuses to come back with us."

"That's ridiculous," Konan said. "They aren't going to leave the Akatsuki."

"How can we be sure? Hidan and Jaye act like a married couple, and Deidara and Clari...well, we found them in the same bed! The others are starting to get attached as well."

"Yes, Hidan and Jaye bicker a lot, but that doesn't mean anything. And Deidara said that he was simply trying to help Clari with her fear of thunder."

"It _does _mean something. He actually called her 'Jaye' instead of 'bitch' when we were searching for Deidara. As for Deidara, helping Clari is even worse. It means he was genuinely concerned about her." Pein stood and began pacing. "We are the Akatsuki! These tender feelings they have for the girls aren't acceptable. They could be a potential weakness. And sooner or later one of them is going to realize that by the time we need an emergancy hideout again, the girls will be old and have families and maybe even be dead. If they care about them enough, they'll want to stay. We can't have that."

"So what do you propose we do, Pein?" Konan asked, frightened by the icy tone in his words. "Go back? It's too early to go back to our world. Isolate them from the girls? That is near impossible. Kill the girls? If we need a hideout again, who will provide us with one?" She didn't add that it would be extremely difficult to do such a thing, even for Itachi. Pein was right; they'd all grown attached to the girls.

"We don't have to isolate all of them from the girls. Only the ones who seem to favor them the most. Only for a couple more days, then it will be safe to leave."

Konan nodded, though the prospect of leaving was both exciting and saddening. She would miss the girls too.

Kisame called and alerted them that breakfast was ready. Clari had made biscuits and gravy, something new. They sat and ate appreciatively for some moments before Clari hopped off the counter and cleared her throat.

"Umm...everyone? I have an announcement to make..."

They all waited in silence, expecting some speech about this morning's events. They were surprised as she continued.

"I'm picking up Lily at the airport tomorrow."

"So?" Pein asked.

"Well...um she doesn't know who you are..."

"I thought you said she wasn't going to be a problem?"

"She won't be, I'm sure," Clari said hastily. "I'll explain on the way home, but it will still be a shock for her to find out. She'll need time to process."

"We give you permission to tell her," Pein said, though she hadn't asked for permission. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. Jaye will be at work tomorrow, so you'll have the house to yourselves for an hour or two."

"No big deal." Pein raised at eyebrow. "Is that all?"

"No. I don't think Lily will fully believe me about you guys unless I give her proof...I need someone to go with me to the airport so I can give it to her."

Deidara immediately volunteered. "I'll go, un."

Clari nodded.

"No, you won't," Pein said. Konan glanced his way, realizing that this was the "isolating" thing taking action. "Kakuzu will go with you."

"But I - "

Pein raised both of his eyebrows this time. "Are you _arguing _with me, Deidara?"

"No."

"Good."

"Actually, Deidara would be better than Kakuzu," Clari put in. "It would be hard to cover up his stitches."

"Then bring Itachi," Pein suggested frigidly.

Jaye frowned. "I don't get the big deal. Deidara actually wants to go. Why can't he?"

"He's been slacking off in training," Pein lied.

"So? You guys are on vacation."

"We aren't on _vacation_. We're in hiding."

"Same difference," Jaye argued. Pein's attitude was bugging her tremendously. "Just let him go with her."

Pein stood up. "I shouldn't have to explain myself to you. Deidara is staying here tomorrow. That's final."

He left.

"Why's he so cranky?" Clari muttered to Konan.

"I have no idea," she fibbed.

"I guess I can bring Itachi...if you don't mind?"

Itachi shrugged.

"Do you mind?" Clari asked, turning to Deidara.

"It doesn't matter if I mind or not," he said bitterly. "Leader has obviously made up his mind, un."

He hopped off the counter and left.

"I'm going to take that as a yes, he does mind," Jaye remarked.

"Aw, he wants to meet the rest of your family," Kakuzu chuckled.

Clari ignored him. "I wonder why Pein is so upset. Do you think it has something to do with this morning?"

"Probably," Hidan decided.

"Kisame, you _did_ tell him that nothing happened, right?" Clari asked.

"Yup."

"Why does he care anyway?" Jaye pondered.

"Maybe he is in love with Clari-chan!" Tobi suggested.

"He is _not _in love with Clari, Tobi," Konan said.

"Clari...didn't Pein say that Emi was pregnant before she came here?" Jaye questioned.

"Yes."

"OH. MY. GOD!" she exclaimed, popping out of her seat and grabbing Clari by the shoulders. "What if Pein is your father?"

"Pein isn't my -"

"But it makes sense!" Jaye continued. "It would explain why he's so mad at Deidara for sleeping with you!"

"Deidara and I didn't - "

"I meant literally sleeping with you, not sex. But it fits! It explains why Pein sent Emi here in the first place, and it explains why Pein doesn't like Deidara and you...well, you know."

Konan was gaping at Jaye. "That is _not _why Pein is upset! Pein is _not_ Clari's father!"

"How do you know? Were you there the night Clari was conceived?"

"Wha - no! Of course not! That's - "

"Then you don't know for a fact," Jaye said smugly.

"I'm almost certain that Pein isn't Clari's father," Konan said.

"Then can you explain why he's suddenly so interested in Clari's love life?"

"I don't have a love life - "

"Yes, actually, I can," Konan interrupted, thoroughly peeved for some reason. "Pein is mad because he thinks that we are getting to attached to you. He's afraid that you are weakening us, and that one of us will decide to stay here with you."

"_WHAT_?" Everyone exclaimed simultaneously.

Konan blanched. _Oh, shit._

"That's ridiculous!"

"Stupid!"

"We wouldn't stay here!"

"I'm sooo flattered," Jaye said. "And I like my theory better."

"Of course you do," Clari said. "But Konan's theory makes more sense, and I'm sure that Pein told her this himself."

"So is he going to fucking act like this until we leave?" Hidan pestered.

"I - I don't know..." Konan sputtered.

"I don't think he will," Zetsu said thoughtfully. "Deidara was pushed even farther away when he restrained him. The only reason he would keep acting this way is if he really is Clari's father. In which case, he'll only punish Deidara. If Konan's theory is correct, he'll restrain Hidan as well."

"That was very insightful, Zetsu," Clari said, relatively surprised.

"_I have my moments_."

"Wait, why the fuck would he restrain me?" Hidan asked.

"Because you're in love with Jaye," Zetsu answered.

"What the fuck? I am not!"

"He better not be!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Am I not fucking good enough for you or something?"

"It shouldn't matter if you're not in love with me," Jaye dodged.

"I'm not!"

"Good!"

Clari sighed. "I'm going upstairs."

"I'm going to go watch TV," Zetsu said, standing up. The rest of the Akatsuki (minus Hidan) mumbled agreements and left the "married couple" arguing in the kitchen.

oOoOoOoOo

Clari raised her hand to knock on Deidara's door...again.

She lowered it...again.

She walked away.

Then came back.

Biting her lip, she raised her fist...

...and lowered it.

The door opened. Deidara leaned against the door frame, his shirt and jeans (the Akatsuki had taken to wearing modern clothes so Clari didn't have to take their robes to the dry cleaners all the time) splattered with ink and whitish dust. He waited for her to speak.

"Wha...how did you know I was at the door?"

"I heard you on the other side. You've been standing here for at least five minutes. I decided to grant you mercy, un."

"Oh..."

"What did you want? I'm kind of busy."

"I just wanted to say thank you...for not telling everyone that we...did stuff," Clari said awkwardly.

"We didn't 'do stuff.' "

"I know. But thanks for not telling everybody that we did."

"Why would I do that, un?"

"I dunno..."

"I'm not _that _big of an asshole."

"I didn't say that you were."

They stood there in awkward silence for a moment.

"Sooo...what are you busy with?" Clari asked, eying the ink blots on his jeans.

"A new design. Wanna look?" He moved aside so she could step in.

She did. The room was pretty much as Jaye and Clari left it, except for the fact that there was a long scroll of wafer-thin paper stretching across the floor. Around it was different colored bottles of ink, and a writing utensil. How Deidara had managed to fit all of this in his robe (the Akatsuki hadn't brought bags with them) was beyond Clari. She didn't ponder it for too long, however. Her attention was absorbed by the beautiful picture diligently sketched onto the paper. It was a bird. Several of the same bird, actually, sketched from different angles. The wings were all different shades of bright blues and vibrant reds, each feather a slightly different color than the last. Unlike the ragged, ribbon-like feathers on it's wings, the bird's body was sleek and slender, it's dominant color being an interesting shade of blue; the kind of blue that it hurt your eyes to look at, but it was so mystifying that you couldn't look away. The talons were long and impossibly sharp. It was a fierce predator, a bird created for the kill.

As gorgeous as the bird was, it wasn't complete. The places where it's beak and tail should have been were blank on all birds.

"It's..." Clari began, at a loss for words.

"Amazing? Fantastic? The best piece of artwork you've ever seen?" Deidara suggested.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"It's not done," he pointed out, frowning. "And it won't be in color when I sculpt it, un."

"Having trouble with the beak?"

"And tail. I feel like I've been repeating them lately."

"Hmmm..." Clari thought. "Maybe I can help?"

"Sure, un. If you want."

They spent most of the morning working on it together. Clari wasn't as experienced with drawing animals as Deidara was, but she was talented enough and creative enough that she helped him come up with a good idea for the missing body parts. As he drew the curve of the beak with smooth, long strokes, Clari glanced down at her fingers and wiggled them. They were tie-dyed blue, red, and black.

"This is messy business," she remarked.

"Mmhmm," Deidara replied distractedly. Clari noticed that he tended to be less conversational when he was working, mainly answering her questions and comments with diverted head movements and sounds. She didn't mind. It was a companionable silence. Besides, she liked watching him work. He sat on the floor, slumped over the paper, while she laid across the bottom bunk, her head and feet hanging off the sides, watching him and occasionally giving a suggestion or two. It made her feel kind of creepy staring at him while he worked, but when she voiced this he said he didn't care.

"Deidara?"

"Mmm?"

"Have you ever tried to make out with your hands?" Clari asked. Jaye and Clari were constantly debating if this were the case, so Clari figured she might as well ask while she could get an answer.

He turned, raising an eyebrow. "You wanna find out, un?"

"No! Not like that at least," she said, blushing. "Jaye has this theory..."

"No, Clari, I don't make out with my hand."

"Okay. Just wondering."

They lapsed back into silence. After a few minutes of this, Clari came up with another question to ask.

"Deidara?"

"Yes?"

"Did Pein and Emi ever have a...thing?"

Again, he turned to look at her. "Another one of Jaye's theories, un?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think so. Emi was pregnant before she ever met us," he added.

"How _did _she meet you guys? Without being killed, I mean?" Clari blurted out. She had the feeling she was annoying Deidara.

"We needed someone on the outside for a mission and she just happened to be the person Pein picked," Deidara explained. "We didn't kill her afterwards because we figured we might need her again."

"Oh. Well, I'm glad you didn't kill her," she said.

"Me too, un." For the third time, he turned to glance at her. But this time it was different. It was a meaningful look. She couldn't place how, exactly, but Clari automatically ducked her head from his intense gaze. He went back to his work.

"Deidara?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I getting on your nerves?"

"A little bit, un."

"Oh. Sorry," Clari said, getting off the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I was gonna leave..."

"No," Deidara demanded, grabbing her wrist. "I still need help with this."

"You sure?"

"Yes, un."

"Okay..."

She sat back down.

oOoOoOoOo

"Where's Deidara?" Pein asked abruptly. The Akatsuki were all lined up, ready to go to the training place. The only person missing, of course, was Deidara.

"I think he said something about going upstairs..." Itachi said.

"I haven't seen Clari around either," Jaye said thoughtfully.

"Tobi, go upstairs and find Deidara," Pein ordered.

"Okay!"

Tobi skipped up the stairs and banged on the artist's closed bedroom door. "Deidara-senpai! Open up!"

"Go away, Tobi!"

"But it's time to train! Leader needs you!"

"Tell him I'm working!"

"Yes!" Tobi said, and hopped down the stairs.

"Well?" Pein said.

"Deidara-senpai is working," Tobi relayed.

"I don't care. Go get him."

"Okay!" Once more, Tobi went upstairs and knocked on the door.

"TOBI!"

"Tobi is a good boy! Leader wants you to come down right now!"

There was silence on the other side. Then Deidara opened the door. "Fine, un."

Clari popped her head out from behind Deidara. "Hi, Tobi."

"Clari-chan! What are you doing in there?" Tobi asked with an edge of mischievousness.

"Helping Deidara with his art," she explained.

"Deidara-senpai!" Tobi gasped. "You never let _me_ help you with your art!"

"I don't like you," Deidara said.

"Tobi is a good boy!"

"Whatever."

All three of them walked downstairs. The Akatsuki left soon afterwards to go train. Jaye and Clari lazed around on the couch, once again relishing in their computer time.

"Sooo..." Jaye said casually as she scrolled down the long length of emails on the monitor. "What exactly happened up there with Deidara?"

Clari scowled. "Nothing like what's going to happen if you don't shut up about it."

"So he doesn't like it rou - hey! Give me the computer back!"

"No, you're being vulgar."

" 'Vulgar'? Who says that anymore?"

"Coming from the girl who says 'cahoots'?"

"Fuck you," Jaye muttered, sinking back into the couch cushions.

"I see Hidan's language is rubbing off on you," Clari noted.

"Is not! I cussed way before I ever met Hidan."

"True, but you never really said 'fuck.' "

"What is with the vocabulary lesson?"

"You're the one who started it."

Jaye stuck out her tongue. Rolling her eyes, Clari handed her back the computer.

"Why are you all...inky?" Jaye inquired, inspecting her cousin's hands and jeans.

"I was helping Deidara with his artwork."

"Riiight."

It was Clari's turn to stick out her tongue. "By the way, I don't want you to mention any of this to Lily."

"Why? You said you didn't do anything."

"Still, I don't think she'll like it...it's bad enough that we have to introduce them. I don't want her to be too overwhelmed when she gets here."

"Overwhelmed?"

"Yeah. I mean, think about it. We have nine criminals living with us, plus Bear. That's a lot to take in."

"That's true..."

"Speaking of Lily," Clari began. "Didn't you tell her you were going to stop cussing before she got home?"

"Yes..." Jaye said grudgingly.

"When exactly does that go into effect?"

Jaye just glared. "She's not home yet, is she?"

"Nope. Not yet."

"So shut the fuck up."

"There you go, saying that nasty word again. Hey!" Clari suddenly exclaimed. "Did I tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I asked Deidara about your theory!"

"The Pein-being-your-father one?"

"No - well, yeah, but that's not the one I'm talking about."

"Well is Pein your dad?"

"Of course not! Emi was pregnant with me before she ever met the Akatsuki!"

"Damn!"

"Anyway," Clari said. "No, I'm talking about the Deidara-making out-with-his-own-hands theory."

"Psh," Jaye dismissed. "He said he didn't. Duh."

"Well how did you - ?"

"Would _you_ tell someone that you swap spit with your hand?" Jaye asked.

"No, but - "

"Exactly." Jaye snapped the laptop closed and put it on the side table.

Clari sighed. "I'm gonna go start dinner."

"I'm gonna sit here and be lazy."

"Have fun with that."

"You too."

oOoOoOoOo

Later that night, after the Akatsuki had gotten back from training and everyone was getting ready for bed, Konan asked Pein the question that had been bugging her all day.

See, it was Pein who selected Emi. It was Pein who insisted that they not kill her after they were done with her. It was Pein who lied to the others and told them that Emi was pregnant before they met her. And it was Pein who agreed to help her, even though it served little benefit to them.

"Pein?" she asked quietly. He was sitting on the bed like this morning, thoughtful and silent.

"What?"

"Can I ask you something important?"

He looked at her, suspicious. "I suppose. If it's important."

She sat down beside him. "I know you told everyone that Emi was pregnant before we chose her, but we both know that's not the case. You told me it was to avoid scandal among the Akatsuki. But I need to know the truth."

Pein was still as a statue.

"Pein. Are you Clari's father?"

"Konan..." he said after a long pause, gazing at her with tortured eyes. "I don't know."

* * *

**Did you luuurrrve it? You know you luuurrved it! **

**Just wait until next chapter! Bwahaha! XP**


	7. UltraSuper Bonus Chapter: Dry Cleaner's

**READ THIS! This chapter is not, in any way, connected with future events in the story. It's what you call a bonus chapter. I thought I'd take a break from the tension in the plot right now and let you enjoy some full-out humor. Enjoy... :)**

* * *

**Ultra-Super Bonus Chapter (of Awesomeness): Dry Cleaner's**

* * *

Clari sighed at the heap of dirty, smelly, yucky pile of black robes that were piled by the laundry room door. She would have to drag these nine dirty, smelly, yucky robes to the dry cleaner's, since her washing machine and dryer were no match for the load. If she were to wash the robes here, it'd take hours. Only two of them fit at a time, and they still had a rancid stench afterwards.

So you see, Clari had good reason to sigh.

Jaye walked in the laundry room, plugging her nose. "Are you taking those to the cleaner's or what? I gag every time I walk by here."

"Do _you_ want to take these to the cleaners?" Clari asked.

"No, that's your job."

"Who says?"

"I do."

"Come on!" Clari pleaded. "You don't even have work today!"

"Exactly. I shouldn't have to do anything on my day off," Jaye said.

"Ugh! It's not like you do anything at work anyway!"

Jaye gasped, feigning hurt. "Clari! I can't believe you would say such a thing! I am so offended."

"Tough shit."

"Just take the fucking robes to the cleaner's," Jaye insisted. "If you don't, Pein's gonna be pissed anyway."

"Fine," Clari agreed reluctantly. Jaye wandered back into the living room for some TV, while Clari grabbed garbage bags and stuffed the robes into them. It took two and a half (yes, a half) garbage bags, but she finally made all of them fit. By the time she was tying the last one closed, some of the curious Akatsuki members were sticking their noses in the laundry room to investigate.

"What're you doing, Clari-chan?" Tobi asked.

"I'm getting ready to take your friggin' robes to the dry cleaner's," she explained grumpily, breathing through her mouth. The robes smelled like rotten banana peels covered in sour milk.

"Do you need help?"

"Sure, Tobi. Would you mind taking these to the car?"

"Tobi is a good boy!" the enthusiastic masked man said, before grabbing all three garbage bags (a feat in which Clari was incapable) and happily carrying them to the truck. Clari grabbed her keys and followed him.

"I'm going to the dry cleaner's! Be back in a few!" she called, partially to Jaye and partially to Pein.

"Okay!" her cousin yelled back.

Pein, of course, did not reply.

Tobi skipped back inside. "All set, Clari-chan! I even started the car for you!"

"Umm...how did you do that, Tobi?" she inquired, looking at the keys in her hand.

"Jaye-chan taught us how to jump-start a car."

Clari glowered, deciding to save that conversation with her cousin until after she got back. The Akatsuki's criminal abilities didn't need to be improved. "Thanks, Tobi, but don't ever do that again. Okay?"

"Umm...yes?"

"Good. I'll see you later then."

"Bye-bye!"

oOoOoOoOo

The dry cleaners was almost empty, except for an elderly woman who left with a floral dress soon after Clari arrived. She dragged two of the garbage bags inside, leaving the third in the car since it was impossible for her to haul so much weight. How the Akatsuki's wore these things all the time, Clari had no idea. Why Pein would make them wear these all the time was an even bigger mystery. Couldn't he have chosen a uniform that wasn't quite so...bulky?

"Hello, my name is Rebecca. How may I help you?" a middle-aged woman said from behind the sleek glass counter. As an answer, Clari set the bags in front of her.

"I have a third one in the car," she added.

"Holy cow," Rebecca exclaimed, feeling the weight of the bag. "I'm guessing you've got a wedding soon and all the bridal gowns need dry cleaning?"

"Ummm...not exactly..."

Rebecca opened the bag and pulled out an Akatsuki robe. "Well, that was unexpected."

Just then a teenage girl with vivid red hair came around the corner. Clari almost swore. That was none other than Alexis Halloway, a huge _Naruto_ fangirl who went to the high school. Or more like an Itachi fangirl. When she saw what Rebecca was lifting in the air, she squealed at an obnoxious volume.

"Omigosh! Is that an Akatsuki robe? Who brought it in? What - ?" It was then that Alexis noticed Clari. "CLARI! How did you get your hands on these?" She dove into the bag and pulled out another one, wrinkling her nose. "Ugh, they're filthy. What did you do to them?"

"Lexi!" Rebecca chastised, using Alexis's nick name.

"No, it's okay. We're..." Clari trailed off, not entirely sure what her and Lexi were. They knew each other, but she found Lexi to be incredibly irritating. There were times when she wanted to whack that fiery head of hair with a frying pan. This was one of those times.

"...Best buddies!" Lexi finished, reaching across the counter to give Clari an awkward hug. "Omigosh you _have_ to let me borrow these sometime!"

_No, I don't_, Clari thought. She replied with: "Oh, well, they're not mine..."

"Whose are they? You have to give me their number, or address, or - "

"Alexis, that's enough," Rebecca put in. "Go take these behind back, okay?"

Lexi obeyed, nearly tripping over her own feet under the weight of the robes. Clari grabbed the last bag from the truck and handed it to Rebecca.

"Come back in one hour, and we'll have them ready for you," Rebecca instructed.

"Wow, that's fast," Clari said, impressed.

"Yeah, we'll make yours a rush order. Wouldn't want to tempt Lexi into doing something she'll regret," Rebecca explained.

Clari laughed as if it was a big joke, but she had a feeling that Rebecca wasn't kidding.

oOoOoOoOo

One hour later, Clari drove up to the doors of the dry cleaner's. She walked in and Rebecca handed her one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight Akatsuki robes. Rebecca wished her a good day, clearly signifying that she should leave.

"Ummm...Rebecca?"

"Is something wrong?"

"I brought nine robes in. You handed me eight."

Understanding dawned on Rebecca's face. "ALEXIS!"

The redhead poked her head out from behind. "Yes?"

"Did you take a robe?"

Lexi was silent. Finally, she sighed and retreated back into the back. Clari and Rebecca patiently waited for her to bring the robe back.

Instead, they heard a car engine start.

"Shit!" Rebecca swore. They both bolted outside in time to see the disappearing tail lights of Lexi's car. "Sorry...you won't have to pay for this."

"That's the least of my problems," Clari said. "These aren't mine."

"If Lexi comes in tomorrow I'll try and get it, but..."

Clari gaped at her. "You mean you can't do anything?"

"What do you want me to do?" Rebecca countered, just as flustered.

"Well, I don't know, _get my robe back?" _

"Look, I'll do my best, but I can't give any guarantees. Lexi's unpredictable."

_Pein is unpredictable too_, Clari thought. _Maybe he'll let me off the hook._

Pein most certainly did not let her off the hook. In fact, he was furious that she'd lost a robe. Not only _a_ robe, but _his _robe. And it was obvious that he would continue to be furious with her until she somehow got his robe back. Clari visited the dry cleaner's the next morning to see if Lexi had come in, but Rebecca said she was a no-show. Eventually, Clari decided to drive by Lexi's house and get the robe back that way. She rang the doorbell repeatedly until a very annoyed Lexi came to the door.

"That's rude, you know," she grumbled.

"Not as rude as stealing!" Clari accused. "Give me back my robe!"

"You have eight more!"

"That doesn't matter! They aren't mine!"

"Then why are you taking them to get dry cleaned?" Lexi inquired nosily.

"Because...because I borrowed them from someone and I was returning them!" Clari lied.

"Ugh, Clari, you've always been a terrible liar."

"I'm not lying!"

"You are too," Lexi said. "Until you tell me the truth, I'm not giving it back."

"Then I'll call the police!"

"Over a robe? That's ridiculous."

"No, it's not. Give it back or - "

"Or what?" Lexi challenged. "You'll yell at me? Get me fired? Hmm?"

Clari scowled. She wished she had Jaye's talent for initiating creative threats in a on the spot, but she was at a loss of what to do.

"That's what I thought. Now, when you have a real reason for me to give you back the robe, I'll give it to you. Until then, you'll just have to settle for the eight that you already have," Lexi said, shutting the door in Clari's face.

_Fine_, Clari thought. _You think you can out-bitch me? Think again._

oOoOoOoOo

Later that night, when Lexi was curled up next to her new Akatsuki robe, she smelled smoke. Suddenly alert, she went down the hall to investigate. Her whole living room was flooded with curling pillars of white smoke and a dancing inferno engulfed everything. Strangely, it wasn't setting off the fire alarms.

As she began to frantically attempt to put out the fire, Lexi began to feel lightheaded. Slowly, she sank to her knees and fell unconscious to the floor. When she woke up the next morning, her whole entire house had been robbed. Horrified, she ran outside and discovered that every single possession she owned was laying in her front yard. Everything, except the Akatsuki robe.


	8. Blueberry Muffins and A Traveling Circus

******Now, back to the actual story...**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Blueberry Muffins and A Traveling Circus**

* * *

When Jaye left for work the next morning, Clari had already made the Akatsuki's breakfast (though none of them had bothered to wake up early, except Itachi) and was getting ready to leave herself. The airport was a two hour drive, but picking up Lily was worth it. Clari had dyed her previously purple streaks red just for the occasion.

Unfortunately, Jaye had to get up kind of early so Ryan could pick her up and bring her to work, since her shift started only a little before Jaye's. The girls only had the truck, and it was obvious that Clari needed it more right now. The only bonus to getting up early was that Hidan didn't intrude into her room and sexually harass her again. Jaye sometimes still thought about the kiss, wondered if it was an accident, wondered if it changed anything. She decided that it was an genuine mistake, and that it would only change something it she wanted it to. Which, she did not. So she left the whole ordeal alone, the only evidence being her memory...and Hidan's memory, but Jaye didn't believe he thought of it often. At least not as often as she did. Because, even when taken by surprise, Hidan was a great kisser. Phenomenal, even. Not that she would ever admit that...EVER.

A honk from outside popped her figurative bubble. She wished the best of luck to Clari (a two hour car ride with Itachi was bound to be torture) and headed out the door to work.

Clari looked at the time, slipping on her shoes. "Ready to go, Itachi?"

Itachi shrugged and stood. Clari left Zetsu instructions to tell Pein where they'd all gone when he woke up (just in the slim chance he might have forgotten) and then they, too, left. Zetsu sighed contently, glad to have some peace and quiet for once. After about four seconds of this, he heard a yell from upstairs.

"_TOOOOOBII!_" The shout shook the house almost as much as the small explosions that took place afterwards. Zetsu did not envy Tobi, as he had experienced the power of such a small bomb firsthand, after ridiculing Clari. Idly, he wondered what would have caused Deidara to yell so angrily. The artist was fairly short-tempered around Tobi, but this particular outburst was a bit extreme, even for him. Hearing thumps from upstairs, Zetsu had a feeling he would soon find out.

Tobi came down first, practically falling down the stairs. Deidara was at his heels, though he somehow retained his balance. Tobi ran in circles around the room until he spotted Zetsu and hid behind him, using him as a human-body shield. Deidara was feral, though he came to a halt as Tobi peeked over Zetsu's shoulder.

"Zetsu-senpai! Tell Deidara-senpai to calm down!" the masked man pleaded.

Zetsu, seeing no reason to destroy the girls' house this early in the morning, decided to oblige to Tobi's request. Sort of.

"What did he do this time?" he asked Deidara.

"He was in my bunk!" Deidara growled, teeth bared.

"Tobi is a good boy! He wanted to make sure Deidara-senpai did not sneak into Clari-chan's room again and get in trouble with Pein-sama!"

"And then he stepped on my art!" Deidara accused. "He smeared the whole thing!"

"It was on the floor!" Tobi cried. "Deidara-senpai is so talented, he can make a new one."

"That's not the point! I wasn't the only person who worked on that!"

"Deidara-senpai, you said yourself that good art only lasts a second," Tobi quipped.

"That's a different kind of art!" Deidara said, stepping forward. "A kind you're getting ready to see!"

"Okay, Deidara, calm down," Pein said, sluggishly shuffling down the stairs. Deidara glared at his leader, but he didn't say anything more. Pein continued. "Tobi, you shouldn't have been in Deidara's bunk or ruined his art. As punishment you will clean the whole house before the girls get home."

"Yes!" Tobi said, stepping out behind Zetsu, glad for an excuse to leave. Deidara made a grab for him, but was caught by Pein. Tobi squealed and bolted upstairs.

"That little - " Deidara began.

"Enough," Pein said, holding up a hand. "I've punished him and he's learned his lesson."

"But he - "

"You and Clari can make another bird some other time."

"Jaye left for work and Clari left for the airport," Zetsu dutifully reported.

Pein turned to him. "She took Itachi?"

"Yes. And there's donuts in the microwave."

"Donuts. Good. I think I'll go eat some," Pein said thoughtfully. He turned to Deidara. "You are forbidden to harm Tobi."

"Fine, un," Deidara mumbled crossly.

"Good," Pein said again. "I'm glad we understand each other."

oOoOoOoOo

The ride to the airport was spent in silence, though Clari tried several times to get some kind of conversation going. This was hard to do since Itachi did little more than nod and shrug. After a while, Clari simply turned the radio to her favorite station. After two straight hours of silence, Clari was in desperate need of some company. Itachi's indifferent silence wasn't the same as Deidara's companionable quiet. Not for the first time on this trip, Clari cursed Pein's odd mood swing.

They walked into the vast airport. Clari tracked down the place where Lily was supposed to arrive and they sat down in the canvas chairs along with others. They idly watched people pass, some with suitcases hugging family members, others with brief cases and cell phones plastered to their ears. At ten o'clock (the time Lily was supposed to be there) Clari checked the screen with all the flights listed. She found the one she was looking for and groaned. Lily's flight had been delayed thirty minutes due to headwind. She glanced at Itachi, who was still sitting. It looked like he was meditating.

"Itachi?" she said. He opened one eye.

"Shouldn't your aunt be here by now?" he asked in monotone.

"Yeah, her flight was delayed. I'm gonna go get something to eat...want anything?"

"No."

"Okay." Clari walked over to the food court which had a Starbucks. There she got an insanely good (and insanely overpriced) coffee and a blueberry muffin. She lingered as long as she could at the counter, talking to the worker, but eventually went to go sit back down. Itachi looked at her food.

"What is that?" he asked, pointing to the muffin. As this was the first time all day he'd attempted any conversation, Clari replied eagerly.

"A blueberry muffin. Want a piece?" She pinched off a sliver of the top and handed it to him. He took it and cautiously stuck it in his mouth.

His nose wrinkled. "You like this?"

"Yes. You don't?"

"No. It's...not good."

"Oh, sorry. Do you want me to get you something else to eat?"

"No."

"Oh," Clari said again. She nibbled on her muffin and sipped her coffee. Finally, the speakers announced the arrival of Lily's plane. Clari stood and searched for her aunt in the crowd that burst through the doors. She broke into a grin when she saw the familiar head of thick black hair.

Jaye got her looks from Lily. Or most of them anyway. Same black hair, though Lily's was styled in a bob. Same gray eyes, sort of almond shaped because they were part Japanese. Same olive skin. Same sharp, narrow features. They were even the same tall height. When the three of them were together, Clari often looked out of place with her light brown hair, ivory skin, and big blue eyes, but she never mentioned it and neither did Lily or Jaye.

"Lily!" Clari called, waving a hand in the air. Lily flashed a smile when she saw her niece and broke off from the crowd.

"Clari!" she said, enveloping her in a hug. She stepped back, examining her. "Your hair is red."

"Yeah."

"I like it."

"Thanks."

Lily noticed Itachi. "Who's this?"

"This is Itachi," Clari introduced. "Itachi, this is Lily."

"Is this your boyfriend?" Lily asked, eyebrows raised.

"No, Lily, he's not my boyfriend," Clari said, not even amused or embarrassed by the idea. She wasn't even sure that Itachi was capable of affection.

"Oh, good. He's kind of old for you, dear."

"I missed you sooo much," Clari sighed sarcastically, even though it was true.

Lily laughed. "Well, you can show me how much you missed me by cooking me an amazing dinner. Let's go."

Clari gave a shaky laugh, not at all prepared for the car ride home.

oOoOoOoOo

Back at the house, Tobi had finished cleaning and was now sitting on the couch farthest from Deidara, watching TV. It was Kisame who noticed it first, because the blinking light was getting on his nerves. Only when he turned to scowl at it did he realize what it was.

The computer.

Curiously, he picked it up and set it on his lap. The others regarded him just as curiously. He opened it and the screen popped to life. Evidently, Jaye had forgotten to shut it down. Kisame moved his finger across the little pad and watched the arrow move along with it. He pressed the lettered buttons. He clicked random things. With the limited shortcuts on the desktop, he was bound to click it

The Internet.

As soon as it came up, Kisame knew it was exactly what the girls didn't want him to see. Which made it all the more tempting. Youtube came up as the home page. He typed his name into the little box, letter by letter. He pressed enter.

oOoOoOoOo

Lily didn't believe Clari at first. She even called the hospital. But when Itachi stuck his flaming hand in her face without expression, she snapped her cell phone shut and was forced to listen. She was silent while Clari told whole story, omitting things like the shopping trip and the thunderstorm. Namely, things that Lily didn't need to know. Finally, Lily said, "Well, I guess I can't really kick them out of my house, can I?"

"That wouldn't be advisable," Itachi said.

"Well, okay then," Lily said. "I can't wait to meet these...a-cot-ski?"

"Really?" Clari said, surprised.

"Yes. They definitely seem like...interesting characters."

"Interesting. Not exactly the word I'd use, but good enough."

Lily cleared her throat. "So, this 'Hidan' boy..."

oOoOoOoOo

Jaye was the first to get home. And she walked into total chaos.

The Akatsuki were arguing loudly. The TV was off, for once, but the computer was thrown carelessly against the arm of the couch. She caught bits of the argument as she walked in. From what she could understand, someone had looked up the word "Akatsuki" on Youtube. Crap.

"HEY!" she yelled. All eyes turned to her, seething. "What's going on?"

"What's going on?" Hidan shouted. "What the fuck is that? Who the fuck watches that? Do you?"

"Watch what?" Jaye asked.

"A video of...we...er..." Hidan trailed off, at a loss of words. Another first. But by the way his gaze flickered towards Kakuzu, Jaye had a good idea what they'd watched. Deidara, Kisame, and Tobi all seemed pretty disturbed too.

"That's why Clari and I didn't want you on the computer in the first place," Jaye explained, closing out of Youtube and shutting down the computer. "Some of these people's minds are scary."

"Have you guys ever...watched...?"

"Not really," Jaye said. It was like the air had been let out of a balloon. The whole room seemed to relax. "Where's Pein? Or Konan?"

"Upstairs. I haven't seen Konan all day, now that I think about it, un," Deidara said.

"Hmm. I'm gonna go see what they're up to."

She walked upstairs and knocked on their door. It was Konan who answered. "What?" she said harshly.

"Um...do you know where Pein is?" Jaye asked, taken back by Konan's cruel tone.

"How the hell should I know?"

"Um...you _are_ second in command...is everything okay?"

Konan blinked, coming to her senses. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I don't know where Pein is. I haven't seen him since this morning."

"Oh." Jaye stood there awkwardly for a moment. "Konan, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Konan snapped. "Here, I'll help you look for him."

They found him sleeping in the attic. As soon as they did, Konan veered out the door and downstairs. Jaye caught her arm.

"You can't just leave me here! I need you to wake him up!"

"Why can't you do it?"

"Because...I don't want to be impaled by the bedpost or something," Jaye said.

Konan sighed. "Fine." She left for a moment. Jaye heard the faucet turn on. Then, before she could do anything, Konan dumped a bowl of cold water onto Pein's head. He was up in a flash. Konan easily dodged his blow, but Jaye barely managed to escape it. He blinked, letting the room come into focus. He turned to Konan angrily.

"What was that for?"

"Jaye needed you awake. Apparently there has been some kind of predicament involving the computer," Konan said stiffly, stepping aside so Jaye could speak.

"Yeah...they got a hold of the computer and looked up some stuff...anyway, they're pretty pissed. I need you to come down and calm them down before Lily gets home."

"Lily?"

"You know...my mother...?"

"Oh, right. Your mother. Clari's aunt. Got it." Pein drifted out of the room, still in somewhat of a daze.

"Okay, seriously, what is your guys' problem?" Jaye demanded. "You can't act like this when Lily and Clari get home."

Konan glanced at the door, and in two seconds had it closed and had Jaye seated on the bed. "Okay, I've been needing to talk about this for a while but there's been no one I can talk to...I can't tell anyone in the Akatsuki, but I think I can tell you," Konan said in a rush, nervously wringing her hands as she sat next to Jaye.

"Tell me what?"

"You can't share this with anyone, especially Clari. Or Deidara. I think you know what will happen to you if you do." Konan was starting to scare her a little now. Jaye didn't honestly believe that Konan would kill her, but to be on the safe side, she had a feeling she would keep her mouth shut. Besides, anything with Clari and Deidara involved she wanted to know about.

"Okay..."

"Pein might be Clari's father," Konan breathed after a long pause.

"WHAT?"

"I know, it was a shock to me too. He told the others that Emi was pregnant before she came to us to avoid scandal, and I didn't believe that Pein could be the father at first, but he did seem kind of attached to her. And now he's acting so weird with Clari and Deidara...I mean, I can think of a thousand reasons why Pein wouldn't want Deidara with someone he cared about, but why would he care about Clari? She's obviously too young for him to be jealous. And then you brought it up yesterday and I asked him later and...he said he wasn't sure. If he was Clari's father or not. He said that he Emi they...well, you know. He loved her for a time. But after a while, they got over each other. He didn't even know about Clari until the first time we came here. That's when Emi told him. She said that she was pregnant before she met Jacob, and that the only person she ever..." Konan trailed off. It was obvious what she was trying to say.

"So...you're telling me that Pein got Emi knocked up, and didn't even know about it? That_ Clari _could be his daughter?" Jaye asked in disbelief.

Konan nodded.

"Well, shit! That bitch gets luckier and luckier every day!" Jaye exclaimed.

"You can't tell her!" Konan said frantically.

"Don't worry, I won't. She wouldn't believe me anyway. So what's this got to do with Deidara?"

"Well, he's been increasingly...interested in Clari ever since we got here. Any father is protective of his daughter, but...well, if you had a child, would you want her dating a mass-murderer?"

"I guess not," Jaye said thoughtfully. "Poor, tragic Clari and Deidara. It doesn't matter anyway. They wouldn't have been able to be anything because time moves faster in our world. By the time you guys visit again, Clari is gonna be way to old for him."

"Itachi is working on a way to fix that," Konan said.

"Huh?"

"Well, at Pein's request of course, he's been working on a way to send us back without the difference in the way time moves."

"How is that possible?" Jaye said in awe.

"We travel inter-dimensionally by riding on different threads that tie our worlds together. If we can find one that doesn't require so much effort to use, and that doesn't have the time difference, we may be able to use your house as a hideout more often," Konan explained.

"That's great!" Jaye could help saying. "You guys could visit all the time and - "

She was cut off by the sound of the front door opening. She heard Clari's voice. "JAAAYE! WE'RE HOME!"

Jaye raced downstairs and tackled her mother. They introduced her to all the Akatsuki, starting with Pein, then Konan, Zetsu, and so forth. Her mother was a bit taken back by some of the stranger characters, like Zetsu and Kisame, but she seemed to accept them. She really hit it off with Konan, and when she wasn't talking to her daughter and niece, she chatted with the female Akatsuki member.

"So, Clari," Jaye whispered to her cousin as she fixed dinner. "Did you tell Mom about you and Deidara yet?"

"No," Clari said evenly. "But I did have a lot to say about you and Hidan."

"Bitch."

"Yup."

Because of Clari, Hidan was mercilessly teased by Lily. But Deidara did get his far share of humiliation when the door bell rang and Clari answered it, revealing none other than Kathrine Mathews.

"Ugh, what do you want?"

"Don't worry, I'm not exactly thrilled about this visit either," Kathrine grumbled. "My dad wanted me to drop off something for Ms. Itishi."

_That's right,_ Clari thought. _Mr. Mathews is Lily's boss._ "I'll go get her then."

"Aren't you going to invite me inside?" Kathrine sneered.

Clari gave her most winning smile. "Nope!"

Rolling her eyes, Kathrine shoved Clari aside and walked straight into her home. Clari glowered and slammed the door, following her into the kitchen. Kathrine stopped at the entrance. "What the - ?"

"Miss Mathews?" Lily asked. "What are you doing here?"

"My dad asked me to drop this off..." Kathrine murmured, dropping an envelope on the table. "Who are - ?"

That's when Clari realized how freakish most of the Akatsuki would look to Kathrine. She cleared her throat. "Um, thanks for dropping that off but I think you should - "

"Dave!" Kathrine squealed, beaming at Deidara. He looked confused for a moment, then understanding dawned on his face.

"Right, un. That's me. Dave."

"Kathrine? Would you like to stay for dinner?" Lily asked politely, though Clari was shaking her head behind Kathrine's back and choking motions with her hands.

"Sure!" she chirped, planting herself between Deidara and Kisame. "And you can just call me Kat. Everyone does."

"No they don't..." Jaye muttered under her breath. Lily kicked her under the table.

Kathrine didn't touch any of the spaghetti Clari made, eating only a slice of crusty garlic bread. "So, Dave, I assume you're still going out with Claribel?"

Lily raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Deidara - or Dave, at this point - nodded.

"Really? I didn't think it'd last that long. Good for you, Claribel." Kathrine didn't sound like she thought that this was good news at all. "This must be Dave's family. Right?"

"Yeah, he works at a traveling circus," Jaye said. She didn't feel like making up names so she just used their regular ones.

"So, Pain...are you a stripper?" Kathrine asked cocking her head to the side. "Pain seems like a stripper name."

"No, it's P-e-i-n," Clari explained, suppressing giggles. "It's Japanese. He's the ring master."

"Oh...so Dave, what do you do?" Kathrine inquired.

"I make bombs," he said. There was a silence at the table.

"He's kidding!" Clari jumped in, straining a laugh. "He's a fire juggler...eater...person."

"Uh-huh...and what about you...Zeta?"

"_Zetsu _is a clown," Jaye said. Zetsu glared at her.

Kathrine giggled. "Well, you're a cute clown."

Zetsu did not seem flattered by this statement.

Kathrine moved on. "And you...Konan...what do you do?"

"I'm...um...an artist?" Konan said, taking hints from Jaye and Clari at the other end of the table.

"Ooooh, that's cool! Do you paint and stuff?"

"Sure?"

"Okay, Kat, I think you'd better go," Lily stepped in. "We've got an early start tomorrow."

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Kathrine asked as she was ushered towards the door.

"Circus practice," Clari said, cheerfully shoving her out the door. "Don't get yourself killed on the drive home!" She slammed the door in Kathrine's shocked face.

"Mother!" Jaye hissed. "Why did you invite her in!"

"She's the boss's daughter, I have to be nice to her if I want to keep my job," Lily sighed. "Trust me, it's not easy."

"No, no it is not," Clari agreed.

"So..." Lily said, turning to her niece with a mischievous glint in her eye. "You and Deidara huh?"

Clari dragged her hand across her face, reciting the shopping trip story. "...so we're not really dating," she concluded.

"But, Clari-chan, what about - ?" began Tobi, but a smiling Clari and Deidara simultaneously smacked the back of his head. "Ow..."

Lily smirked. "Riiight. Well, it was a long flight, so I'm going to bed."

"Night!" the girls said. Clari spared Tobi a glare before Deidara got her attention.

"Tobi messed up our art, un," he said, giving Tobi an accusing scowl. "He smeared the whole thing."

"Tobi is a good boy!"

Clari frowned. "I guess we can go take a look at it. Maybe we can fix it. If not, we can always make another one."

They headed upstairs.

"I don't like your mother," Hidan grumbled, rubbing the ear that Lily had flicked on several occasions that evening.

"Tough shit."

oOoOoOoOo

When Clari saw the ink drawing of the bird, she burst out laughing. Deidara looked at her in confusion. The so-called "smearing" Tobi had done was a minuscule smudge on a side view of the bird, about the size of a pinkie nail.

"Deidara, this isn't anything worth blowing up Tobi over," Clari chuckled. She grabbed the brush and covered up the smudge with a blue feather, adjusting the other birds accordingly. "There. If you ask me, it looks even better. No big deal."

"Huh," Deidara said. "I guess you're right."

"I normally am," Clari agreed with a teasing smile. She turned. "I'm going to bed. Night."

"Night..." Deidara said, distracted by the bird. This somewhat stray feather had given him another idea. He scribbled more feathers and other alterations on the bird until Tobi banged on the door. He moved the paper so Tobi wouldn't step on it again and let the masked man in.

"Stay in your own bunk tonight, or I will kill you, un," he threatened.

"Yes..." Tobi agreed, climbing into the top bunk. Deidara burrowed under the blanket. He didn't go to sleep though. He gazed up at the bottom of the top bunk, thinking. Mainly about Pein's issue. Wondering why he was suddenly being so strict. He also wondered when they were going home. This made him sad for some reason, so he quickly adjusted his thoughts. Deidara wasn't too terribly sure how Itachi moved them between worlds, but he hoped that they found this new "thread" so they could visit more often.

He was definitely enjoying his time here.

* * *

**Hmmm, what fun awaits them tomorrow, you think? :D**


	9. Yet Another Near Death Experience

**Chapter Eight: Yet Another Near Death Experience**

* * *

Even though Lily was home, Clari still got up to make breakfast in the early hours of the morning. Everyone, soon woken up by the smell of bacon coming from the kitchen, came down to eat. Everyone except...

"Where's Itachi?" Clari asked.

"Dunno," Kisame answered. "He wasn't in the basement when I got up. I figured he was up here. Why? Did you guys bond at the airport?"

Clari snorted. "Hardly. I couldn't even get a conversation started. I don't know how you stand it."

"Years and years of practice, my friend." They didn't bother looking for Itachi, assuming that he went to training early or something.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" Jaye asked her mother.

"Well, since you guys already went camping, I figured we could do something else. Bowling maybe?"

"NO," Jaye and Clari said in unison. The idea of the Akatsuki members throwing heavy bowling balls around was enough to terrify both of them.

"Okaaay...how about roller skating?" Lily suggested.

"Hmmm...that sounds safe - I mean, okay."

"Ha ha, very funny," Pein said, though his tone suggested that he didn't believe it to be funny at all. "We aren't going to endanger your lives in public."

"In public?"

"Roller skating sounds fun," Clari quickly distracted.

"Clari-chan?"

"Yes, Tobi?"

"What is roller skating?"

"It's fun, you'll like it," she answered vaguely. Frankly, she was just too lazy to bother describing it to them right now.

"SHIT!" Jaye suddenly exclaimed, startling them all, especially Lily. "I can't go roller skating today."

"Why?"

"Ryan's birthday party? She invited us."

"Oh, right I forgot about that," Clari said. "It's a pool party right?"

"Yeah, she booked the pool at the Rec Center."

"Maybe she'll allow a few extra people," Clari offered.

"Maybe...I'll call her."

Jaye left and came back in a few minutes later. "She said that's fine, no one RSVPed anyway. Ry's mom said hi."

"This is great. I haven't seen Rhonda in a while," Lily agreed. "We can always go roller skating tomorrow."

"What about you guys?" Jaye asked, looking at Pein. "I told her you'd come, but..."

"I wouldn't mind going," Pein said. "Anyone disagree?"

"Tobi doesn't know how to swim!" Tobi whined.

"No big deal, I don't know how to swim either," Jaye said. "Clari will save you if you drown. She's a certified lifeguard, you know."

"Really?" Tobi said in admiration.

"Yeah...but lifeguards don't really guard lives. We just kinda sit there and watch people swim around. Boring job, but it pays okay."

"Clari-chan, have you ever had to give anyone mouth-to-mouth? Like on TV?" Tobi gasped.

"No, Tobi."

"Would you give Tobi mouth-to-mouth if he needs it?"

"There are other people for that..."

"But Tobi wants Clari-chan to! Only if he drowns, of course. Tobi doesn't want to make Deidara-senpai mad."

"Too late, un."

"Tobi is a good boy!" There was a crash and a small shriek from Tobi. "Ah, Deidara-senpai! It's not nice to throw plates at people!"

So, it was settled. At noon they packed up their things and drove to the address of Ryan's neighborhood pool, directions helpfully given by Ryan over the phone when they got lost. Since most of the Akatsuki didn't have bathing suits, they had to make do with shorts. In fact, the only person who wore a visible bathing suit was Lily. Clari and Jaye had covered themselves with t-shirts and shorts. Jaye didn't even plan on getting in the water, but Clari normally convinced her every single time they went swimming, so she figured her plans would be ignored whether she wore a bathing suit or not.

When they got there, no one except for Ryan, Ryan's mother, Ryan's little brat of a brother, and Seth was at the pool. Ryan waved them over enthusiastically when they got entered, oblivious to the odd appearance of the Akatsuki. In fact, the girls didn't even have to make up an excuse for their crazy features. Ryan would accept just about anyone without hesitation.

"I'm glad you're here!" she squealed. "And you brought people! No one RSVPed, and no one showed up."

"Except me!" Seth called.

"Except Seth," Ryan agreed. "The point is, we've got all this food and no one to eat it."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Clari said. "They'll eat just about anything."

"Cool! I'm Ryan," Ryan said, sticking out a hand to Zetsu.

Zetsu carefully shook the outstretched hand, as if it might detonate at any moment. "Zetsu."

"Zetsu. Cool name. Sounds familiar..." Ryan dismissed this thought with a shake of her head. "And you? What's your name?"

The girls introduced each of the Akatsuki members to Ryan. For once they were glad they had never convinced her to read _Naruto_. Ryan soon convinced the stiff and formal Akatsuki members to relax using her Ryan-like charm. She was so bubbly and eccentric that soon Lily and Konan were conversing with Ryan's mom, Seth and Kisame were flipping off the diving board, Hidan and Kakuzu were seeing who could do the biggest cannonball, Pein was floating on a raft, Itachi was sitting under an umbrella sipping lemonade, Zetsu was tanning, Tobi was being pestered by Ryan's little brother, and Deidara, Clari, and Jaye were sitting on the edge of the pool, dipping their feet in the water. Clari in particular was watching Tobi and Josh (Ryan's brat of a brother, if you haven't caught on to that by now).

"Josh-chan! It's not nice to spit water in Tobi's face!"

Josh stared at Tobi disturbingly for a moment. Then he got out of the pool, pulled down his swim trunks, and proceeded to piss in the water. Or, more specifically, on Tobi in the water.

"JOSH-CHAN! JOSH-CHAN! TOBI DOES NOT LIKE THIS!" Tobi shrieked, trying to get away from the constant flow of urine. Josh just adjusted his aim.

"JOSHUA!" Ryan's mother called. She jogged over to her reckless son, scooped him up, and rushed him away from the guffawing party people.

"Is it wrong that I was enjoying that?" Deidara asked.

"Depends on what part of it you were enjoying," Clari said.

Deidara looked at her for a moment, assessing her words, then pushed her into the pool. A glaring Clari popped up a second later, cheeks puffed up. She spit water at Deidara. He shrunk away from it, laughing. "You do realize that that little shit just peed in there, right un?"

Clari ran to the table and rinsed out her mouth with non-pool water. Deidara stared at her and the white t-shirt that stuck to her skin, revealing the black bikini residing underneath. He tilted his head to the side, completely distracted. Jaye raised an eyebrow, following his gaze and scoffing. "I know you weren't just checking Clari out," she warned, jabbing him in the arm to get his attention.

"No, un. I would never do that," Deidara said, peeling his eyes off Clari to grin at her cousin. His defense was somehow lacking in sincerity. "Besides, it's not my fault she has a tendency to wear white t-shirts. I think she does it on purpose, un."

"Bastard," Jaye said, pushing him away from her.

"Now don't go around calling everybody that, un," Deidara said. "We wouldn't want Hidan getting the wrong idea."

Deidara was the next person to get pushed in the water.

Jaye sat, alone and dry, on her little corner of sun-warm concrete. That is, until Hidan erupted with the word "Cannonball!" and jumped in right next to her.

"AGH! HIDAN!" she cried, trying to get the droplets of water off of her. "Great, now I'm soaked."

"Are you fucking calling me fat?" Hidan yelled, his silver head appearing to the surface in time to hear her comment.

"And if I am?"

Hidan did as Clari had done, dipping his mouth in the water and squirting Jaye with the contents of his mouth.

"You do realize that Josh just took a piss in that water, right?" Jaye repeated.

After considering this for a moment, Hidan shrugged. "I've had worse in my mouth."

"That's...disturbing."

"It comes with being immortal. You need ways to occupy your time."

"That's just plain sick."

Again, Hidan shrugged, folding his arms behind his head and floating on his back.

Jaye couldn't resist.

She jumped off the edge of the pool, landing square on Hidan's stomach, sending them both into the water. When they popped back up to the surface, Jaye grasping the edge of the pool, Hidan shouted at the top of his lungs, "SEXUAL HARASSMENT!"

The whole pool was silent, every eye on them.

"Really, Hidan? Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Bastard."

"Bitch."

oOoOoOoOo

At that point, Josh had returned. He was forced to give Tobi a public apology, which Tobi gracefully accepted. But as soon as Rhonda's back was turned, Josh kicked Tobi in the shin. Ryan saw it though, and she put Josh in time-out again and promised to give Tobi an extra large slice of cake. That seemed to cheer him up considerably.

Since she was already wet, Clari just decided to shed her over clothes and hop back in the pool. This was an unfortunate mistake on her part, because Deidara was still in the water and her getting in seemed to encourage him to terrorize her in a number of ways, from sneaking up behind her and dunking her to (when she tried to escape) simply picking her up and throwing her back in the pool. Jaye had been lucky enough to escape Hidan's wrath, however, and she was sun drying next to Zetsu while Clari pleaded for help.

Finally, Ryan called for cake.

"You're as big of a bully as Josh," Clari muttered to Deidara as they got out, dripping water onto the already soaked concrete. Hidan and Kakuzu had drained the pool at least half way with their cannonballs.

"Aw, you're just saying that," Deidara dismissed, throwing an arm over Clari's shoulders. "You know you love me, un."

Clari punched him in the ribs.

"Tough love," he decided, patting Clari's head. He was suddenly yanked back by some force.

"Hands off, Deidara," Pein warned, walking past them to the cake. Clari watched as he accepted a slice from Rhonda.

"What did you do?" Clari asked.

"I honestly don't know," Deidara said. He rubbed the place where she punched him. "That hurt, un."

"Did not, you big baby," Clari said, grabbing a piece of cake and a fork.

They were interrupted by Josh and Jaye, who had a long and bitter rivalry. They were screaming insults at each other, some of Josh's language as colorful as Jaye's. Suddenly, Josh shoved her and Jaye fell into the pool. Jaye didn't know how to swim, so of course, this was a big deal for her. Not so much for the others, as they'd just seen her get overpowered by a four-year-old. Still, she was struggling through the water and making these weird gurgling noises, so Clari got up to help her.

"I'll get her," Hidan said, waving Clari back down. Shrugging, Clari sat down to enjoy her cake and the show.

Hidan jumped into the water to get the struggling Jaye. He wrapped his arm around her and hoisted her up so that her head was above water. She coughed and hacked. Hidan patiently waited for her to finish. Then he said, "You do realize we're in the shallow end, right?"

Jaye, obviously processing this information, stood and began shouting very insulting things at Hidan. He dunked her repeatedly until she stopped screaming; at him, at least. Afterwards her profanities were directed at the snickering snot who had pushed her in the pool in the first place. Josh responded to this by opening his cake-filled mouth, letting out a fierce battle cry, and belly-flopping into the pool. Rhonda dragged him inside, where he stayed for the rest of the party.

"I'm really sorry, Jaye," Ryan apologized.

"S'okay, Ryan." Jaye snatched Hidan's towel away from him and began mopping her face.

"Hey! Give me my towel back, bitch!"

"I almost drowned!" Jaye retorted. When Hidan stretched his hand out, she threw it over his head and it landed in the pool with a flop. Hidan pouted.

"That's my only fucking towel!"

"Tough shit."

"That's the last time I save _your_ life," he remarked.

"Don't go rubbing that in my face," Jaye warned.

"Okay, I'll do this instead." Hidan took his paper plate and squished it, and his slice of cake, in her face, rubbing the contents around for good measure. He let the mess fall into her lap.

Jaye was perfectly still. Finally, with jerky movements, she wiped the frosting from her eyes and scowled behind the crumbs of cake. "Oh, that was a huge mistake." She grabbed her cake in her hand and chucked it at him, hitting his slick silver hair. He picked it off the ground and attempted to throw it back at her, but she dodge it and it hit Kisame instead.

That's when all hell broke loose. Cake was flying everywhere, people were screaming, Josh came back outside and tackled Tobi, hanging on to the back of his neck. Lily and Rhonda made an attempt to stop it, but Lily couldn't resist flicking frosting in her friend's face, so they were soon enjoying the food fight as well. Clari was smart enough to grab one of the huge umbrellas and use it as a shield as people threw cake at her. Seth and Ryan filled water guns and attacked from the safety of the pool. Until Kisame and Kakuzu snuck up behind them and threw cake at the back of their heads.

"HEY!" This announcement was said over a megaphone, so of course everyone whipped around to see the manager of the pool. Ryan was still spraying her water gun, and sprayed the man in the face. He was still as she quietly apologized and lowered the water gun.

"Everyone," the manager said carefully. "This party is now banned from the pool. I will give you five minutes to pack up your belongings and leave."

"But what about the cake?" Ryan asked.

"The staff will handle the cake," the manager said. "Just. Go."

oOoOoOoOo

Five minutes later, everyone was in the parking lot of the pool.

"I'm really sorry, Ryan," Jaye apologized for the hundredth time. "I really didn't mean to get you banned from the pool."

Ryan just laughed. "Are you kidding? It was totally worth it. I'm glad you brought your friends and we had a good time. Besides, this isn't the first time we've been banned from the pool. It's kind of hard when you have a little brother like Josh."

As in response to this, Josh took off running into the parking lot.

"You know, I think this is Clari and Deidara's fault too," Jaye said. "They did the same thing at the car wash."

"Hey! First of all, Deidara started it. And secondly, it's your fault this time, not mine," Clari denied.

"Actually, I'd say it was Hidan's fault. He's the one who covered Jaye's face in cake," Lily said, flicking Hidan in the ear.

"It was not my fucking fault!" Hidan growled, rubbing said ear. "She threw my towel in the pool!"

"After you dunked me!"

"After I saved your life!"

"Psh, I don't need you. Clari would have saved me, right Clari?"

"Um...when did I become part of this conversation...?"

"Who's ever fault it was," Ryan interrupted. "I'm glad you did it. That was the best birthday EVER!"

"How old are you anyway?" Kisame asked.

Ryan was silent and just stared at him disturbingly much like her brother had before he pissed in the pool. Instead of removing her pants and urinating, however, she slapped Kisame in the arm. "Don't you know you're never supposed to ask a woman her age? It's just plain rude!"

"So how old _are_ you?" Seth inquired.

"Seventeen," Ryan quipped, flashing him a smile.

Kisame rubbed his arm. "That hurt..."

"Where exactly did you find them?" Clari asked Pein in a loud whisper.

"Here and there," Pein answered.

"You might want to think about reassessing your choices. You hired a bunch of wimps."

"Yes, perhaps I did. But they take orders well," Pein said.

Jaye watched the two as they talked. For one second, nothing longer than a blink of an eye, she saw something; a similarity, something that tied the two together. Something that screamed "related!" It was gone before she could fully observe what it was. Perhaps a movement, or a feature they both acquired. She shook her head, as if to clear it. Maybe it was just Konan's news getting to her brain. Even if Pein had done anything with Emi, it was quite a stretch from lover to father. Or from Akatsuki leader to father.

Jaye wasn't even sure it'd make a difference to Clari if she knew. She'd never needed anyone but Lily and Jaye since Emi died. Suddenly having a father now, when she was almost an adult, wouldn't matter to her. Jaye knew exactly what she would say: 'If he knew, and he didn't come find me, then he must not care. Why should I?' Jaye wasn't sure if this was fair to the mysterious father, even if it was Pein. Could Clari say those words to Pein? That was one thing Jaye wasn't sure about.

"We are not wimps, un."

"Whatever you say..."

oOoOoOoOo

The rest of the evening was spent in peace...well, as much peace as was possible for the Akatsuki. Lily was excited to meet Bear (he had been at the vet's for some shots) and found him extremely interesting and cute. Clari and Jaye were certain that Bear would stay now.

"So, how about rollerskating tomorrow?" Lily suggested.

"Okay," Clari and Jaye agreed.

"We need to get some training in tomorrow," Pein said. "But if we finish in time, we'll go with you."

"Oh, you're going with us," Jaye threatened. "Don't think that Clari and I are leaving you in the house alone again."

"What happened last time?" Clari asked. Jaye slapped her forehead. She'd forgotten to tell Clari about the computer incident.

"They got a hold of the computer and managed to look up some...things," Jaye explained.

"Ah, I see."

"That won't happen again under my supervision," Pein snapped.

"Weren't they 'under your supervision' last time?" Jaye challenged.

"I was sleeping, so no."

"Uh-huh. And what if you decide that your tired after training? Then what?"

"Okay, how about this: we'll wait for you to be done with training so we can all go?" Clari said.

With the plans for tomorrow settled, they all retired to their rooms for a good nights rest. All but one.

Itachi worked in the basement as Kisame snored noisily on the other side of the room. Itachi had never told his partner that he snored, although it annoyed him to a great extent. He didn't care right now, however. He was too busy. If he kept working at this rate, the Akatsuki would be home by tomorrow.

* * *

**Hehe, I love this chapter, even if it's kinda short. Cake and pools; the ultimate combination. Right next to pancakes and peanut butter. :)**


	10. Roller Rink Hostages and De Ja Vu

**Chapter Nine: Roller Rink Hostages and De Ja Vu**

* * *

As it turned out, Itachi wasn't ready to leave the next day. Though he'd worked almost the entire night, he lost the thread that would bring them to their world. Not just any thread, but the thread that Pein requested he'd try and find. The thread that didn't have a time difference. Itachi could easily locate the thread that would automatically take them to their world, but Pein didn't want to use that thread anymore. He said it was because someone might be able to track it since it was so easy to find, and because it used a lot of chakra. Itachi knew this wasn't the real reason. He wasn't stupid. Pein wanted this particular thread because of the girls. Truthfully, though he would never admit it, Itachi was growing fond of the girls himself. Everyone was.

And he was so frustrated that he lost it! He was so close, he'd almost had it and then it was gone! He was back to square one.

Kisame sat up and yawned just as Itachi was laying down to rest. "I slept great last night. How about you?"

Itachi just groaned and buried his face in the pillow as a response.

"I'll take that as a no."

"You snore," Itachi suddenly said.

"What?"

"I said, 'You snore.' In your sleep, you snore."

"Oh...sorry."

"You should be."

oOoOoOoOo

"So," Lily began. "How long do you think you'll be training?"

"I don't know," Konan said thoughtfully. "Perhaps until one or two. Then we can go rollerskating if you wish."

"Fantastic!"

"Why?"

"I have to go to the office for a little while," Lily replied. "I didn't want to hold up anyone's plans."

"You have to go to work already? You just got back!" Jaye complained.

"Only for an hour or two. Then we can all go out and have fun. How does that sound?"

"Uh, we might wanna hold up on the rollerskating today," Kakuzu said, turning up the volume of the TV. It was the local news. A reporter stood in front of Spinwheels, the small roller rink on the north side of town. Police cars and ambulances flocked the front parkinglot. Curiously, they listened to what the reporter had to say.

"According to the update given by Sheriff Malrey," she began. "The suspect is armed and has three hostages inside the building. As far as we know, they are all employees. The police are negotiating their release as we speak, but the suspect seems to be deranged. Needless to say, the Spinwheels will be closed until further notice. Back to you, Kassy."

"Thank you, Miranda," Kassy said with a grave expression. "Now, in other news..."

"Fuck!" Jaye said. "There went our plans for today."

"Jaye! There is an armed deranged person with three hostages in Spinwheels and you're upset because it ruins our plans?" Clari said, aghast.

"Clari, they said that they were negotiating their release," Jaye pointed out.

"Still!"

"So what are we gonna do if we can't go rollerskating?" Zetsu asked. "_Sit around all day and watch TV_?"

"No," Lily said. She thought for a moment. "I know you guys already went camping, but the weather's supposed to be nice tonight and we could all use something to do. How does camping sound?"

There were nods of agreement. The only exception was:

"Will you show me what poison ivy looks like so I don't piss in it again?" Kisame asked. This brought on a chuckle from everyone.

"Sure, Kisame. I will," Lily promised.

As the Akatsuki got ready to leave, the girls made plans for camping.

"We should take a hike this time," Lily suggested. "And we should sleep outside instead of in tents."

"Why?" Jaye asked.

"Don't you want to enjoy the wilderness the way God intended?" Lily asked.

"If you mean in a nice, bug-free tent, then yes."

"We'll wear bug spray. Trust me, there's nothing better than sleeping under the stars."

"Ugh, fine."

"Clari!" Deidara exclaimed, barging into the room. "You need to come to training with us, un."

"Why - ?"

"Because!"

"But I - Ah! Deidara!" He'd grabbed her wrist and was literally dragging her from the room.

"Does he do that often?" Lily inquired.

"Yes," Jaye said. "Have fun, Clari!"

She got a faint, "Shut the hell up!" in return.

oOoOoOoOo

"Deidara, why do you need me to come with you?" Clari asked as they walked outside where the rest of the Akatsuki were waiting (she managed to retrieve her hand before they hit the stairs).

"I can't tell you," he taunted. "It's a surprise, un."

Clari stopped walking and crossed her arms. "I'm not moving until you tell me."

Deidara just raised an eyebrow. "You wanna bet?"

Clari gulped, but stood her ground.

Shrugging, Deiara walked over to her, knocked her knees out from under her, somehow catching her on his back, and then started to run, forcing her to grab his neck or else fall backwards.

"Stop _doing_ that!"

"Aw, but it's fun."

"For you!"

He just chuckled as a response.

By the time they got to the clearing, the rest of the Akatsuki were already training. Deidara set her down.

"Okay, so what's my surprise?" she inquired.

"Be patient," Deidara said. "Pein said I had to train for a little before I could show you, un."

"Then why did you bring me?" Clari asked, exasperated.

"So you could see, un! Like I said, just be patient." With that said, he ran off to train. She considered walking away, but she was almost sure that Deidara would notice her absence and bring her back. Sighing, she submissively flopped down next to her tree.

oOoOoOoOo

Lily left soon after Clari had been dragged off. As Jaye waved goodbye, she realized something. _Those bitches left me alone to pack for the camping trip!_ Well, okay, Clari was taken against her will and yeah, sure, Lily was required by law to go to work...but still! How rude.

She began packing either way. Food, water, charcoal, a lighter, sleeping bags, pillows, blankets...anything they might need on a camping trip. Except tents, apparently. After about an hour or so of this, she plopped down on the couch to watch some TV and go on the computer.

Suddenly, she heard something that sounded like thunder. She ran to the window, expecting purple clouds and heavy downpour. But the sky was a cloudless blue. Idly, she wondered if it had anything to do with Deidara...

_Nah_, Jaye decided. _Impossible...right?_

oOoOoOoOo

As a matter of fact, it was not impossible. Pein determined that Deidara had trained hard enough to show Clari her surprise. He led her to the edge of the clearing and put clay in one of his hand-mouths. Out came their bird. It was in perfect detail, and looked even more incredible in 3-D. The only thing that was missing was color, but it didn't really matter. It was still beautiful.

"Deidara...it's amazing," Clari breathed. The bird fluttered past them and circled over their heads. It swirled higher and higher into the sky until...

"KATSU!" The bomb was so loud that Clari had to put her hands over her ears.

"Deidara!" she yelled, hitting him on the arm. But she was laughing.

Until she heard the hikers.

"Did you see that?" one said in awe.

"What was that?"

"Terrorists?"

"I've got a rifle! Let's go check it out!"

"Shit!" Clari said. "Everybody hide!"

The Akatsuki all disappeared so quickly that she was the only one standing in the clearing. Deidara pulled her up in the tree.

"Deidara?"

"Yes?"

"Why am I in your lap?"

"Shh. The hikers might hear us, un."

"Put me down."

"Okay," Deidara said, letting her go. She almost fell out of the tree; fifteen feet to the ground.

"Okay, okay! Pull me back up!"

"That's what I thought, un."

The hikers entered the clearing. There were four of them, two girls and two guys. They looked around for a while, and, finding nothing suspicious, they began to move on.

That was, until Clari's shoe fell off.

And landed on a hiker's head.

"What the hell...?" the woman said, rubbing the top of her blond head and picking up the shoe. She inspected it for a moment before calling the others over.

"Is that...a high-top?" the other woman asked.

"Looks like it," the blond said.

"Where'd you get it?" one guy questioned.

As a response, the blond looked up.

Before anyone could process anything, Deidara was gone from Clari's side, all four hikers were unconscious on the ground, and Clari was falling out of the tree. Deidara caught her.

The other Akatsuki members came to investigate. Clari stared at the four hikers. Deidara set her down and handed Clari her shoe.

"Wha - did you - how - ?" she stuttered.

"They aren't dead," Deidara said. "I just knocked them out."

"Where should we stash the bodies?" Kisame inquired.

"Stash the - ?"

"We're already in the woods," Pein said, shrugging. "I don't see why we shouldn't just hide them here."

"Woah, hang on a second," Clari said. "Non-ninja person still processing here."

"I think we should just take them out a couple miles and stick them there," Konan said.

"I think we should just fucking kill them," Hidan said.

That got Clari's attention. "Okay, hold on. We are not killing them or sacrificing them or whatever. And we aren't going to take them out further into the woods. What if they wake up late at night and get lost or something?"

"So what do you propose we do?" Pein demanded.

"How about we drag them over to the freeway so they're close enough that they don't get lost when they wake up," Clari suggested. " We should find you a new place to train, just in case they get suspicious and come back."

"That sounds good," Pein agreed.

"I still think we should kill them," Hidan muttered.

"_I agree_," Zetsu said. "_Hidan can have two and I can have two_. Even though killing is wrong. _Most of the time_."

"We aren't killing _anybody_," Clari said firmly. "At all. Here, killing is wrong 99.9 percent of the time."

"What about the other .01 percent?" Konan asked.

"Some people deserve it. But this isn't one of those times," Clari added, silencing Hidan's complaints.

Four of the Akatsuki members took the hikers to the woods by the road. After they got Clari's seal of approval, and they all went home to prepare for the camping trip.

oOoOoOoOo

"You _what_?" Jaye exclaimed after Clari relayed the story.

"I couldn't think of anything else to do! It's not big deal. No one was hurt, not really," Clari said.

"I wouldn't tell Mom any of this," Jaye suggested.

"Wasn't planning to."

Everything was set up for the camping trip. Now they were all just waiting on Lily to get back from work.

"How long did she say she'd be gone?" Konan asked.

"Two or three hours," Jaye said. "I better call her."

There was no need. Lily came through the door at that moment, greeting a very excited Bear. "Sorry I'm so late," she said.

"S'okay. Just hurry up and get changed so we can leave," Jaye said.

When Lily was finally ready, she and the girls hopped in the car with the stuff while the Akatsuki ran. They decided to use the same campsite as last time so the Akatsuki would know where to go. They got there and set up a campfire, food, blankets and things. Afterwards they all sat around the campfire roasting marshmallows and hotdogs, listening to the quiet chirping of the crickets.

"This is nice," Lily remarked. "We should go hiking when we get up tomorrow."

"Sounds good to me," Clari said.

They told funny stories around the campfire (at Tobi's request, since last time they told scary stories he had nightmares). Surprisingly, most of the Akatsuki's stories happened at the girls house. Deidara talked about the carwash fiasco. Hidan talked about his many rude awakenings of Jaye (omitting the one where they'd kissed, of course). Jaye talked about how she got Bear. Kisame told the one about Tobi getting electrocuted by the toaster. Clari was sitting around the campfire, enjoying the memories and eating a s'more, until Tobi started his story.

"Oh! Do you guys remember the one when we found Clari-chan and Deidara-senpai in bed together?" he said.

All conversation stopped.

Clari turned beet-red and Deidara smacked his forehead. Leave it to Tobi to spill the beans.

Lily raised both eyebrows. "_What_?"

"Okay, it's not what it sounds like," Clari explained. "There was a thunderstorm and Bear chewed up my iPod. Jaye couldn't charge her's because the power went out. Later in the night I got scared and hid under the table like I did when I was little. Deidara came downstairs to get a drink, found me, and stayed in my room so I wouldn't be scared. _Nothing. Happened_."

"That was very...kind of you, Deidara," Lily said, smiling at the blonde artist.

"It was funny as hell," Jaye said, trying to ease the tension a bit. "We all started looking for him the next morning. Clari's room was the last place we checked."

"Yeah, and they were all cuddled together and stuff," Tobi cooed. Clari hung her head and Deidara dragged the hand across his face.

"Oh really, Tobi?" Lily encouraged him.

"Mhm. It was very funny," Tobi said. "We were all laughing so hard that it woke them up and Clari-chan's hands were all tangled in Deidara-senpai's hair so when they tried to get away from each other she ended up pulling his hair. And then - "

"Hey, Tobi?" Clari cut in. "Yeah, _shut up_."

"No, no. Go on, Tobi."

"Well, then we all started making funny jokes and Clari-chan tried to walk past to get a shower and Zetsu-senpai said something and Deidara-senpai got really mad and threw a bomb at his head."

"What did you say, Zetsu?" Lily inquired innocently.

"Oh, um, I can't even remember now. It was so long ago..." Zetsu said.

"Oh! Tobi remembers! I think he said something like, 'Do you want - ' "

"TOBI!" Clari said, grabbing the back of his shirt. "Do you wanna, um, come help me with something real quick?"

"But Tobi is in the middle of telling a story," he whined.

"Oh, it'll only take a second," Clari smiled, pulling him up and dragging him away.

"I'll go help too, un!" Deidara said, chasing after them.

As their shadows shrunk in the darkness of the woods, Jaye said, "Mom, it really wasn't that big of a deal."

"Oh, I'm sure," Lily said, chuckling. "That doesn't mean I shouldn't have fun with it though."

"Now I see where you get your wonderfully sadistic charm from," Hidan mumbled to Jaye.

She snickered. "Tell me about it."

A few minutes later, Deidara and Clari came back to the campsite.

"Where's Tobi?" Lily asked.

"He got...caught up in something. I'm sure he'll be back soon," Clari assured.

"Aw, but he didn't finish telling me the story," Lily complained. "I still want to know what Zetsu said."

"Oh, well," Clari said. "I guess you'll have to hear about it another time."

oOoOoOoOo

Tobi wiggled and squirmed, but he couldn't unhook his underpants from the tree branch. "Deidara-senpai! Clari-chan! Tobi is sorry!" he called. "He won't say anything else! Pinkie swear! Tobi is a good boy!"

He did not like being this high off the ground. He kicked the air, but it sent searing pain down his nether regions. Trying to unhook himself was no use; it was too painful. "Please! Tobi is sorry!" he called.

But there was no one to hear him.

oOoOoOoOo

Chatter went on for a while, though no one told anymore funny stories. Tobi came back a little before midnight, though he was walking in an awkward way. He sat as far as possible from Clari and Deidara. Lily didn't say anything else about them, fearing for Tobi's safety.

Jaye yawned. "I'm tired."

There were murmured agreements. They began packing up the food, dragging the sleeping bags out into the clearing. Zetsu put out the fire this time, sparing Clari a glare as he did so. Along with the food and the tent, he'd gotten a tad burnt in the fire. Unlike last time, there was no battle over spaces. Everyone had become too comfortable with each other to care anymore. Clari found herself wedged between Deidara and Pein, with Lily above her. _Well, this is going to be awkward, _she thought. Things were equally awkward for Jaye, who was squished between Lily and Hidan.

Everyone was beginning to doze off when Deidara released the first bomb.

It was small, smaller than the one he'd used to wake up Clari so many mornings ago. But it was also right in front of their faces.

"Quit it," Clari mumbled, rolling over so she could glare at him. "Go to sleep."

There was silence for a while, then Deidara blew up another bomb of around the same size.

Lily kicked the top of his head. "Stop."

Again, there was quiet. Everyone thought they'd have some peace.

Deidara let another bomb explode.

"DEIDARA!" Everyone hissed in unison.

"Okay, okay, I get it," Deidara said. Suddenly, the whole campsite was glowing with bombs and fireworks of all different colors and magnitudes. Birds and even the occasional butterfly fluttered past before combustion, fracturing into little bits of technicolor flame. It really was an awesome display. Eventually it dwindled down into soft hues of blue and purple sparks. The last bird exploded and left the twelve campers in silence, blinking the last remnants of light from their vision. Deidara folded his arms behind his head, content. "Art is a bang."

"HAHA!" Clari suddenly exclaimed, sitting up on her elbows and grinning at Jaye ruthlessly. "Pay up!"

Jaye sighed and dug around in her pocket, handing her cousin a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

"What the fuck?" Hidan said inquisitively.

"Clari and I made a bet that Deidara would say the words 'Art is a bang' on this camping trip," Jaye explained.

"You bet on me, un?" Deidara said, aghast. "I feel so violated."

"Tough shit," Clari said, flopping back down. "Go to sleep."

After several bombless minutes, everyone was snoozing away.

oOoOoOoOo

Clari started awake as lightning streaked across the sky. When the thunder boomed, she grabbed the nearest person, which happened to be Deidara. He, too, was startled awake by Clari pulling him closer to her.

"What're you - ?" Lightning cracked again, answering his incomplete question. Clari squeezed her eyes shut at the next thunder clap. It was even worse outside. The thunder shook the ground, as if some beast was getting ready to split the earth in two. It was amazing that the others weren't awake yet. "Okay, un," Deidara said gently, helping her up. "We'd better get everyone up before it starts - "

The sky opened up and rain dropped down, drenching everything. This sufficed in getting everyone to wake. There were sudden gasps and faint mutters of protest from the head of blankets. Suddenly -

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!" Jaye screeched. She burst from her wet pile of blankets and fell right on Lily, who sat up immediately and bumped heads with Konan, who kicked Pein in the head. "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERV!"

No one needed clarification as to whom she was talking about. Hidan also popped up from his blanket and, in his desperate attempt to distance himself from Jaye, elbowed Kakuzu in the ribs and almost suffocated Tobi with his blankets. Tobi then struggled under them and smacked Kisame on the head. The shark-man was quick to retort. Tobi howled and doubled over, pressing his legs together to shield the area where he'd been hit. "Just when the pain was starting to go away..." he sniffed.

By now everyone was grump and was assessing the problem. Itachi looked up, blinking water from his eyes. "It's raining."

"Really?" Jaye said with heavy sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed."

"I'm not surprised, considering you were snuggling with Hidan," Itachi said in monotone.

"Oooh. Buuurn," Tobi whispered, wiggling his fingers. Kisame looked at him for a moment before smacking him on the back of the head. "Ow! Tobi is a good boy!"

"That was lame," Kisame said with a shrug, unearthing himself from the blankets and dumping them on Tobi's face.

"I was not snuggling with Hidan!" Jaye yelled.

"That's not what I saw," Zetsu said.

Pein interrupted them. "Shouldn't we be leaving?"

"Good idea," Clari agreed. She flinched as lightning flashed again. Deidara, not sure what was acceptable in front of both Pein and Lily, patted her head consolingly. For once she didn't protest.

They quickly packed the sopping blankets into the trunk of the truck and drove away. The Akatsuki were not happy about running, so Pein, Konan, and Itachi managed to attain seats in the truck, even though it required Clari to sit on the bump. She was just happy that she was getting closer to home, and therefore her iPod.

"I thought you said the weather was supposed to be nice," Jaye accused.

"That's what the Weather Channel said!" Lily defended.

"I wouldn't listen to the Weather Channel anymore," Clari mumbled.

"Yeah, this is worse than when Clari burned down the campsite," Pein said.

"I did not burn down the campsite!"

"Yeah, no wonder she's in love with the pyro maniac," Jaye agreed.

"I am not in love with a pyro maniac!"

Konan laughed. "Jaye, I don't think you're in any position to tease Clari about her choice in men. You were the one cuddling with an immortal sadist."

"I was not cuddling with an immortal sadist, damn it!"

"Do you already have a nick-name for him?"

"Fuck no!" Jaye snapped.

"You know, Jaye," Lily said as she pulled into the driveway. "Hidan has really influenced your language."

"Has not!"

"I've noticed that too," Clari said thoughtfully.

"He has not!" Jaye shouted. "Just to prove it, I'll make another bet with you!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! I bet that I can go a whole day without cussing. Double or nothing," Jaye said, sticking out a hand.

"Forty bucks? You're on," Clari agreed, shaking it.

The Akatsuki had taken the courtesy of picking the lock rather than just breaking down the door. "I might have to send them here more often," Pein noted. "They're learning manners."

"That's manners?" Lily asked.

"Yes. They can hardly do anything without some kind of destruction," Pein said.

"And I wonder whose fault that is," Jaye remarked.

When they walked in, most of the Akatsuki had already gone to their designated rooms. Lily yawned. "We'll get the blankets and stuff tomorrow."

"But won't it get mildewy?" Clari asked.

"We'll wash them," Lily said, climbing the stairs to her room.

Clari sighed. "By 'we,' she means 'me.' "

"Don't worry Clari, it won't be so bad," Jaye said, marching up to her room.

"Because you'll be helping me?"

"Haha, no. But I bet if you asked Deidara _really_ nicely, he'd help you."

"Go fall off a mountain," Clari grumbled.

Jaye laughed as she called Bear into her room and closed the door.

Clari sighed and walked into her own room. She didn't bother to flick on the light; she knew where her iPod was. After retrieving it, she tentatively crawled into bed, feeling around so she didn't fall off or something. She nearly pissed her pants when she felt a warm hand. Scurrying off the bed with a small yelp of surprise, she held up her iPod to illuminate the room. Deidara was chuckling above her, leaning over to peer at her inquisitively.

"Deidara!" she hissed. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay, un," Deidara said, glancing towards the window. "You know, with the storm and all."

"Oh," Clari said, dropping her arm onto the floor. "Yeah, I have my iPod this time. I'll be fine."

"Okay," Deidara said, pulling her on the bed.

"Thanks for checking up on me," Clari said, clearly signaling for him to go.

"No problem, un," Deidara said, falling back onto the pillows.

"You weren't planning on leaving, were you?"

"Nope."

Clari sighed. "Deidara, you should go. Lily is here now, and Pein."

"So?"

"So...what would they think if they caught us in here...again?"

"Who cares what anyone thinks, un," Deidara said, waving a hand dismissively.

"You'll get in trouble," Clari pointed out.

"No I won't."

"Yes you will, and you know it."

Deidara shrugged and patted the bed. "It's worth it."

"There's no reason for you to be in here," Clari pestered.

"You're iPod's not charged, un," Deidara said.

Clari stuck the screen in his face, pointing to the solid battery symbol. "Yeah, it is."

Deidara snatched the iPod from her hand and threw it against the wall. "No, it's not."

"Wha - you...you broke my iPod," Clari stuttered, gaping at the dent in the wall. She didn't even want to see the condition her cherished electronic was in.

"Yes, it seems like that's the case," he agreed.

"That's just cruel," she accused.

"I guess you have no choice but to lay down with me and go to sleep, un," Deidara said dramatically, once more patting the bed.

"I think this qualifies as rape," Clari said, laying down.

"No, it doesn't," Deidara said, grabbing her arm and pulling her in the center of the bed with him. "First of all, the definition of rape is sticking something in a hole for ten seconds. Second of all, I'm not going to do anything to you. Promise."

"You looked up the definition of rape?"

Deidara shrugged. "Your house is boring, un. Kisame looked up the definition of - "

"Don't wanna know," Clari said, putting a hand over his mouth. He chuckled. Clari was beginning to think that the storm had passed and Deidara could indeed go back to his own bed, when a clap of thunder rattled the house and rain poured down with a new vengeance. Clari settled down next to him, digging her face in his still slightly damp shirt. "Okay, you can stay."

"Like I was giving you an option," Deidara snorted. She ignored this and closed her eyes. "Night, Clari."

"Goodnight, Deidara. And no fireworks this time, please."

"Aw, you didn't like them?"

"I did. Art is a bang. But I don't want my room turning into a work of art."

"Art _is_ a bang."

"Agreed," Clari said, yawning. Once again she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, despite the outraged roar of thunder tumbling from the sky.

* * *

**ART IS A BANG! Ah, that's my favorite saying. I love this chapter. It's a bit repetitive though, with the whole camping thing and the thunderstorm and whatnot. I must be running out of ideas...don't worry, something will come to me. If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of doing this as I go along. But that just makes it that much more spontaneous. :D Poor Tobi...he's so abused. **


	11. Swear Jars and Dramatic Drunks

**Chapter Ten: Swear Jars and Dramatic Drunks**

* * *

"I have good news," Jaye said, walking into the kitchen. Clari, Deidara, Zetsu, and Lily were already up.

"Hmm?" Clari asked as she stirred sausage in a pan.

"Spinwheels is up and running. We can go roller skating today."

"Was anyone hurt yesterday?" Lily inquired.

"No, none of the hostages at least. The armed one got shot by the police, but the doctors said he'd be okay after surgery."

"Hey! Maybe we'll get to see the bloodstains!" Zeztu exclaimed. Everyone turned to look at him.

"That's just wrong, un," Deidara said.

"Coming from pyro maniac over there, that's pretty bad," Jaye agreed.

"When did I become a pyro maniac?"

"You've been one for a while."

"Whatever, un."

"BREAKFAST!" Clari suddenly screamed, making everyone in the kitchen jump.

"What the fu - " Jaye began.

"I'm going to grant you mercy and remind you of our bet," Clari said. "No cussing. Aaaall day."

"I was going to say 'fudge.' "

"What the fudge?" Lily said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. What the fudge," Jaye confirmed. "Anyway, Clari; What the fudge?"

"So everyone will know that breakfast is ready," Clari explained, nodding towards the door in which drowsy Pein and Konan were walking though. When everyone else had migrated into the kitchen, they all sat down at the table to eat. The girls told the Akatsuki of their roller skating plans.

"Fine with me," Pein said. "I wasn't planning on training today."

"Do you have work, Lily?" Konan asked.

"No."

"But I do," Jaye said, leaping out of her chair and stuffing a biscuit into her mouth. "I gah tah gah!"

"You what?" Hidan asked.

"I. Gah. Tah. Gah."

"What?"

Jaye spit the biscuit in his face. "I gotta go!"

Hidan threw the moist biscuit at the back of her head. "Bitch."

"Aw, I hate you too," Jaye cooed, ducking out the door. Hidan stared after her inquisitively.

"Why didn't she call me bastard? She always calls me a bastard."

"Maybe she's trying to mix things up a bit," Lily teased, flicking Hidan's ear.

"What the fuck? Stop fucking doing that!"

"Never."

"Jaye and I made a bet," Clari cut in. "She can't cuss all day."

"Why'd you tell him?" Lily whined.

"I'm saving him from the days of thought that your statement would have provoked. I'm not sure his brain could have handled it," Clari said.

"Wait! Are you fucking calling me stupid?"

"I digress."

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Most people migrated into the living room to watch TV.

"Clari, dear," Lily said sweetly. "Would you be so kind as to get the blankets from outside and bring them in?"

Clari sighed. "I guess."

She left, leaving an irked Deidara alone in the kitchen with his annoying partner.

"Deidara-senpai," Tobi suddenly said. "You didn't come to your bunk last night."

"Yes, I did."

"No, you didn't."

"I had to go to the bathroom, un. You must have fallen asleep before I got back."

"You were in the bathroom for a long time. I stayed up for two hours waiting for you."

"That's creepy, un."

"Deidara-senpai," Tobi said mischievously, putting his index finger on Deidara's arm. "Did you go to Clari-chan's room last night?"

"Don't touch me."

"You did, didn't you?"

"Seriously, unless you want that finger blown up, I suggest you remove it from my arm."

"Deidara-senpai, you are a bad boy," Tobie declared, removing his finger seconds before Clari walked back in the room, struggling under a heap of soaking wet blankets.

"Um, can somebody help me?" she squeaked from somewhere amidst the dripping bundles of cloth.

"Clari-chan, you are a bad girl," Tobi said, walking out of the room. Clari peeked out from behind the blankets to watch him leave. She turned to Deidara. "What the hell?"

"Don't worry," Deidara said, relieving her of most of her load. "I'm a bad too, un."

"What - ?"

"Don't worry about it," Deidara said, dropping the sopping blankets on the floor of the laundry room.

Clari shrugged. "You wanna help me with these?"

"Nope."

"Please?"

"Ummm...yeah, still no, un."

"Pretty please?"

"Nope. Not even with sugar on top. Well, maybe with sugar on top, but probably not the kind of sugar you'd agree to."

"Perv," Clari accused, dropping the blankets on the floor and snapping a wet rag in his face.

He wiped water out of his eye. "That was not nice, un."

"You deserved it."

oOoOoOoOo

The parking lot of Spinwheels was almost completely empty. Not that that bothered anybody. The less crowded, the better. Lily got a great parking spot, as an added bonus.

Much like the deserted parking lot, the inside of the roller rink was devoid of people. Even employees. The manager greeted them with an eagerness that said that he hadn't gotten a lot of customers that morning. But there were still some people skating around, and the Akatsuki got their fair share of strange looks.

"Okay," Jaye said to the Akatsuki. "Roller skating is pretty easy. Well, for most of us."

"Shut up," Clari snapped.

"Anyway, it's kind of like walking. Try to take it slow. If you fall, that's okay. It's not an unusual occurace. Stop on your toe, not your heel," Jaye continued. She demonstrated, gracefully wheeling across the smooth wood of the rink. She even did a little spin, much to Clari's chagrin.

"Show off," she muttered.

The Akatsuki attempted it. Or, most of them anyway. Itachi got it right off the bat, even doing little spins like Jaye. After a bit of practice, Zetsu, Deidara, and Kakuzu were doing well. Lily and Konan skated circles around Hidan tauntingly, as he was struggling a tad. Tobi was a little scared of the bulky skates, and decided to play the games located around the rink instead. Pein sat at a table and watched them all with something like amusement on his face. Kisame had disappeared...somewhere.

Clari slowly skated beside the wall, clutching the beam whenever she came close to falling. She'd never been coordinated enough for roller skating. Hell, she could barely walk. Jaye whizzed by her. "Looooser!"

"Shut up!"

Jaye snickered in return.

"What's the matter, un?" Deidara said, coming to a stop beside her. "Having trouble?"

"You can shut the hell up too," Clari retorted.

"It's okay, Clari. We can't all be natural born perfection. Some of you have to work at it, un." This statement was followed by Lily skating by and ruffling Deidara's hair. As he tried to swat her hand away, he lost his balance and found himself sprawled on the hardwood floor. Clari laughed.

"You were saying?" she teased, wobbling over to help him up. A big mistake. As Deidara reached for her hand, he pulled her down with him. Or rather, on top of him.

"Ow," he said, squirming under Clari.

"You know, that's really not the most flattering thing to say at this particular moment." She rolled off of him, trying to get back on her feet. And failing. Glaring, she said, "This is your fault."

Deidara chuckled and stood up with ease, holding out a hand to Clari. Grinning sadistically, she pulled him back down onto the floor. "HAHA! REVENGE!"

He shook his head. "You do realize that when I get up again I'm not going to help you, right un?"

"Hmmm...yeah, it was worth it."

"Suit yourself," Deidara said, hopping back on his feet and skating away. Clari looked at the wall...and sighed. _Maybe that wasn't so smart after all._

oOoOoOoOo

Jaye flew by Hidan, skating backwards. "Having trouble, ba...d person?"

"Bad person?" Hidan said, pausing for a moment in his attempt to get off the ground. "Really? That's the best you can come up with?"

"I'm not losing my bet," Jaye declared. "And if that means calling you bad person instead of...what I usually call you, then yes."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Arguing with you is much more fun with profanity."

"I know!" she cried. "I can't wait until this stupid bet is over with!"

Itachi skated by, leaping into the air before gracefully touching back down to the ground and doing a twirl. They watched him skate way.

"Every ounce of straightness Itachi had managed to convince me he possessed is now gone," Jaye stated.

"Ditto," Hidan agreed.

Jaye thought for a moment. "I think that's the first thing we've ever agreed on."

"Hmmm...yeah, I think it is," Hidan said.

"I don't like it."

"Me neither."

"Stop agreeing with me!" Jaye yelled.

Before Hidan could retaliate, Itachi skated past again, this time flaunting his incredible speed. Jaye scowled after him, certain that her rank as the best roller skater had been taken.

"He's such a fucking show off," Hidan muttered. "I can do that."

Jaye snorted. "Yeah, right. You can't even get off the ground."

"I'm standing up now, bitch!" Hidan said. This was true, though he was grasping the railing tightly.

"Fine. Show me what you can do," Jaye challenged, moving aside so he had plenty of room.

Hidan, obviously giving himself a little pep talk, moved away from the railing and began skating in tiny circles. When he felt he was doing okay, he became bolder, doing little spins. Finally, he mustered up the confidence to leap. He pushed off the ground and landed, right foot first. He put his fists up in the air as a sign of triumph. Jaye had to clap, a bit impressed.

Suddenly, his feet slid from under him and rolled in different directions. A split.

"FUCK!" Hidan screamed, curling up into a little ball. Jaye's hands flew up to her face to smother her boisterous guffaws. Every head in the rink snapped in their direction. A mother gasped and covered her son's ears.

"Excuse me!" she said. "There are children here!"

Hidan was in too much pain to answer, so Jaye answered for him. "So? It's a free country, we have the right to say whatever the fuck we want! Geez, what the fuck is wrong with you, lady? And why are you pestering my friend in the first place? He's obviously in a hell of a lot of pain, and you're worried about your kid hearing a 'grown-up word'? You are one sick bitch, you know that?"

The mother, at a loss of what to say, stuck up her nose with a noise of disgust and stormed out of the roller rink, her giggling child in tow. Clari rolled over, steadying herself on Deidara, who was scooting at a pace equivalent to that of a snail.

"You owe me forty bucks," Clari said.

"What?"

"You cussed. Forty bucks. Now, before you conveniently 'forget,' " Clari pestered.

"Clari! I can't believe you! Hidan is writhing in pain on the ground and you're worried about money?" Jaye gasped.

Clari glanced down at Hidan, who was tearing up a bit and mumbling obscenities under his breath. "I don't think he'll mind."

"Ugh, fine. Here," Jaye said, digging around in her pocket for her wallet. Frowning, she checked her other pocket and then her back pocket. "Okay, which one of you bastards stole my wallet? Kakuzu? Was it you?"

"What? No!"

"The hell it wasn't. Give me my fucking wallet back."

"I seriously didn't take it!"

"Right, and I'm supposed to believe you."

"Actually, Tobi has your wallet," Deidara said. "I think he mentioned something about playing more video games."

"Tobi! That son of a bitch...gonna go kick his ass, that's what I'm gonna do!" Jaye muttered, wheeling her way to the unfortunate masked man.

Clari and Deidara looked at Hidan, who was still curled up in the fetal position.

"You think we should help him?" Clari pondered.

"No, just leave him here. He'll be fine, un."

"Okay," Clari shrugged. They wobbled away at her sluggish pace to get something to eat.

oOoOoOoOo

"TOBI!"

"Tobi is sorry, Jaye-chan! Don't - ah! No, no, no don't! NOOOOO!" Tobi sniffed and looked sadly at the Pac-Man screen, which read GAME OVER. "Tobi almost beat level ten."

"That's what you get for stealing my fucking wallet!"

"Jaye-chan, Tobi thought you weren't allowed to - "

"I lost the damn bet, okay!" Jaye yelled, snatching the wallet from Tobi's gloved hands. "That's why I need my wallet!"

"Tobi is a good boy!"

"Tobi won't_ be _a boy anymore if he steals anything from Jaye-chan again! Are we clear?"

"Yes..."

"Good. I'm glad we understand each other."

Tobi followed Jaye to the food area, where Clari, Deidara, Pein, and Kisame were all gathered. She slapped the forty bucks down on the table. "There!"

"Thank you," Clari said cheerfully, stuffing the forty bucks in her pocket. "At this rate, I'll have enough money to by the art supplies I need...and a new car."

"Well, if you didn't waste all your money on hair dye you wouldn't have that problem," Jaye said in a mockingly chipper voice.

"I don't like your attitude," Clari sniffed.

"Tough shit."

Jaye dragged a seat to their table and flopped down. Wrinkling her nose at a sudden stench, she inspected the contents of Kisame's glass. "Are you drinking beer?"

"Yes," Kisame said, moving the glass out of her reach.

"They actually serve alcohol here?"

"Obviously."

"Good alcohol too," Deidara remarked, hiding his face behind the rim of his cup as he took a drink.

"You too? Aren't you a little young to drink?"

"As far as the Spinwheels employees are concerned, no."

Jaye turned to Pein. "And you don't have an issue with this?"

"Nope," he said, taking a sip from his own cup. Jaye looked at Clari. Clari looked at Jaye. Jaye raised an eyebrow. Clari shrugged. The others watched this exchange with a bit of fascination.

"What the hell, un?" Deidara said.

"What?" Clari asked.

"That," he said, gesturing between the two girls.

"Oh. Clari and I just agreed that we didn't have a problem with you drinking," Jaye explained.

"Is that some kind of girl code or something?" Kisame inquired.

"Um...no..."

Hidan rescued them by stomping over to the table. "Bitch!"

"What?" Jaye growled.

"You. Left. Me."

"So?"

"I was curled up on the floor in pain!"

"I repeat, 'So'?"

"Bitch!"

"Bastard!"

"HAHA!" Hidan said, pointing at her. "You have to give Clari forty dollars!"

"Um, you're a little late there..."

Hidan ignored this and glanced in Deidara's cup curiously. "They serve beer here?"

"Yes."

Hidan walked off to the counter.

oOoOoOoOo

Clari and Jaye soon realized that the Akatsuki and alcohol was not a good combination.

Lily had gotten called into work (they'd taken her work car so the Akatsuki wouldn't have to ride in the back of the truck) and had to leave. She apologized to the girls and told them not to drink anything. Not like the people at Spinwheels would let them.

Anyway, after two mindless hours watching the Akatsuki down countless cups of beer, they recognized the signs of incoherency and told the employee working at the counter not to give them any more alcoholic beverages. However, the Akatsuki members were obviously more scary than two teenage girls, and managed to obtain beer regardless of Jaye's creative threats to the poor employee. After a while, they even received the information that vodka was available and began to guzzle that down too.

"What the fuck?" Jaye yelled to the employee, whose name was Bob, of all things.

"I'm sorry," Bob said. "That one guy is scary."

"What guy?" Clari demanded, turning around to glare at the many drunken Akatsuki members.

"The one in the orange mask," Bob whimpered. "He threatened to cut open my stomach with a spoon and strangle me with my own intestines!"

"Tobi?" the girls said simultaneously, glancing back at the masked man curiously. He was doing a dance on the table. They busted out laughing.

"You're kidding, right?" Jaye chuckled. "Tobi? Really?"

"Yes!" Bob said. "He even stuck the spoon in my face!"

The girls were laughing too hard now. "Dude, you've got to be joking. You're a total - "

"It's true!" Bob said shrilly.

"Whatever," Clari said. "Just tell them you're out of alcohol, okay?"

"O...kay."

The girls walked back to the Akatsuki.

"Hey! They're back!" Kakuzu shouted. "Hi!"

"Hi, Kakuzu."

"Did you see Tobi's dance? Tobi is a good dancer!"

"Yes, Tobi, we saw your dance."

Tobi responded to this by passing out on the floor next to Konan.

"Well, that's nice," Clari said. She observed the rest of the Akatsuki members in amusement. Deidara, Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu all seemed to be in some kind of drunken rambling phase. Itachi was snoozing away in a chair. Pein was splayed across the roller rink in a pool of his own vomit. And Zetsu was...

"Zetsu!" Clari said. "WE DO _NOT_ EAT BOB! PUT HIM DOWN _RIGHT NOW_!"

A violated Bob was thrown to the ground. He screamed hysterically and ran out of the facility, probably scarred to the point of needing therapy. Zetsu ducked behind the counter and emerged with more glass bottles. "Hey! Free vodka!"

This was rewarded by cheers from the conscious Akatsuki members.

_Shit_, Clari thought. _This is not going well._

The look on Jaye's face said the same.

Suddenly, Jaye was attacked from behind. "Jaye-Jaye!"

"What the fuck?"

"You're my fucking Jaye-Jaye, bitch," Hidan said, throwing an arm over her shoulder.

"I'm your what - ?"

"You're my Jaye-Jaye! Wait...yeah! My Jaye-Jaye!"

"I thought she was only to be addressed as 'bitch'?" Kakuzu slurred.

"No! My bitch! Back off!"

"I'm not your - "

"You're my bitch, Jaye-Jaye!" Hidan declared, hugging her so tight she couldn't breathe.

"Hidan! You're suffocating her!" Clari warned as she watched Jaye's face turn blue.

"My Jaye-Jaye!" Hidan said, letting her go. "She's _mine_."

"Okay, okay, you can have her," Clari offered.

"Clari!" Jaye protested.

"Yes!" Hidan said grabbing Jaye again. "You're coming with me, bitch!"

"Clari!" Jaye squeaked as Hidan dragged her away to some unknown whereabouts. "Help!"

"Sorry," Clari mouthed to her cousin. Jaye managed to get in one more whimper before Hidan pulled her around the corner and out of sight.

"So is she 'bitch' or 'Jaye-Jaye'?" Kakuzu inquired, confused.

Clari rolled her eyes and began collecting half-empty bottles of liquor. "Okay, I think it's time to go home."

"Noooo!" Kisame said, throwing himself on the table to shield the other bottles.

"Yes," Clari said defiantly, tossing the bottles in the wastebasket and rolling Kisame off the table with all her strength. He collapsed on the ground, no longer protesting. Clari assumed he was unconscious.

"You just wanna go home 'cause you know what's waiting for you there, un," Deidara said, sloshing the contents of his cup around drunkenly.

"Oh really?" Clari said, amused. "And what's that?"

"I think you know, un..."

"No, I don't. Care to elaborate?"

And Deidara did elaborate. He elaborated so vividly, in fact, that Clari had to cover her poor ears to keep her scarred brain from leaking out of them. "Okay! Okay, enough!"

Deidara just chuckled. Suddenly he was very interested in his hand and began inspecting it with a look of wonder. "Hey...I have a mouth on my hand!"

"Really? Let me see!" Kakuzu demanded.

Deidara pulled his hand away from Kakuzu's curious gaze. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, un?"

"No!"

Clari dumped the last of the bottles in the trash. "There. Okay guys, help me get the others in the car and we can go home."

"Eager to experience The Deidara?"

"_The_ Deidara? When did your name become important enough to have a 'the' in front of it?"

"It's not my name! It's that move! 'Member the one where I - "

"OKAY!" Clari said, putting a hand over Deidara's mouth in fear of having to listen to his speech again. "We're going to play the Quiet Game!"

Kakuzu snorted. "What are we, five?"

"Seems like it sometimes..." Clari muttered.

"Clari!" Deidara said, hopping up out of his seat and taking her by the shoulders. "We should go roller skating!"

"We already went roller skating. It's time to go home."

"No! Roller skating!"

"No, home."

"Roller. Skating."

"Home."

"Noooo! I want to go roller skating, un!" Deidara wailed at an impossible volume.

Clari thought for a moment. "Okay, I'll make you a deal. You put everyone else in the truck and we'll go roller skating. Okay?"

"No! No deals, un! We're going skating now!" Deidara said, picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. He began to wheel towards the roller rink. Being carried around by a drunk S-ranked criminal was, of course, terrifying in it's own. But add that to roller skating and you've pretty much got Clari's second worst fear.

"DEIDARA! DEIDARA PUT ME DOWN NOW!" Clari screamed. Deidara came to a stop and set her on her feet.

"No need to shout, un. I get it," he sniffed. "You don't like me anymore."

"Oh my God, can we please just go - "

"I understand!" Deidara yelled dramatically, even throwing an arm over his head in a tragic fashion. "You just want me to disappear and never bother you again!"

"You've been watching soap operas again, haven't you?"

" 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!' " he quoted, dropping to the floor. Clari would have thought him unconscious if it weren't for the three tongues sticking out of his mouths.

"Deidara, get up. I don't hate you."

He opened one blue eye. "But you don't love me either."

"I love you," Clari said in monotone.

"No! You have to say it like you mean it, un!"

"Just kill me now..." she mumbled under her breath. She cleared her throat and began her performance. "Oh, Deidara! I love you so much! More than the air I breathe and the ground I walk on! More than my beloved canine companion, Bear! More than even the art that fuels my every waking minute...un!" She sighed dramatically and collapsed on the ground next to him, laying still for a moment. Then, she opened her eyes to see his reaction. To her surprise, he was wiping a tear from his eye.

"That was beautiful," he applauded.

"Great," Clari said, sitting up. "You know what would make me love you even more?"

"What?" Deidara said, perking up.

"If you find everyone and bring them to the truck."

"Okay!" She watched with faint amusement as Deidara tried to separate Pein from the vomit that glued him to the floor. On some level she knew that she should feel bad for manipulating a drunk person, and she knew she would feel bad later, but right now all she was focused on was getting them home. As she attempted to slap Kakuzu awake, she idly wondered if any of them would remember this in the morning...and shuddered. Of course they wouldn't. They were all going to be too hung over the next morning to remember anything.

oOoOoOoOo

"Hidan! Get the fuck off of me!"

There was no response from the body on top of her. Here's what had happened:

Hidan had dragged her away and locked them in a closet. There he'd approached her, pinned her against a wall, and...

...passed out on top of her. Jaye was fairly strong, but she wasn't nearly strong enough to handle all of Hidan's weight on her. So she fell to the floor, Hidan's body following soon. They'd laid there like that since. Despite the fact that there was a sexy, shirtless drunk on top of her, Jaye was miserable. And her legs were starting to go numb. She looked at his face, which was blank above hers. "I hate you."

As soon as the words escaped her lips (for the hundreth time) Deidara peeked in. "Woah! Sorry to interrupt - "

"I'm not!" Jaye said, exasperated. "Get this bastard off of me!"

"Is he...?"

"Yes! He passed out! Now get him off!"

"Umm...okay." Deidara pulled the unconscious Jashinist off of the numb girl and dragged him out of the closet. As Jaye tried to regain feeling in her limbs, Clari walked in. She looked around before saying, "So...seven minutes in heaven?"

"More like seven minutes in hell," Jaye snapped, standing. "Where were you?"

"I was trying to get eight drunk Akatsuki members in the truck!" Clari said.

"What about me?"

Clari shrugged. "Hidan was taking care of you."

"I'm going to kill you. And it's going to be a slow, painful death."

"Whatever. We need to get home before Deidara decides that he's in the mood to create art," Clari said.

"I wonder why he hasn't passed out yet," Jaye said.

Clari laughed. "He only had three beers."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. And he's that drunk?"

"That seems to be the case."

"Or maybe..." Jaye began. "Maybe he's not as drunk as we think."

"I highly doubt that," Clari said.

When they walked into the main entrance, Deidara was passed out on the floor. "See?"

Between the two of them, they managed to carry him to the car and toss him in the back. Jaye looked around. "Hey Clari?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you noticed that Spinwheels has been strangely empty of employees?"

"They ran off after Zetsu tried to eat Bob."

"Ah."

oOoOoOoOo

The ride home was uneventful. When they got home, however, they realized that they were going to have some trouble getting the Akatsuki members to their rooms. Deidara, Konan, and Tobi were stirring from their drunken stupor as they drove up to the house, so they left them in he back in the hopes that one or two of them would be sober enough to help them carry the others. Jaye found a wheelbarrow in the garage. The two of them wheeled the Akatsuki members, one by one, into their rooms. As they finally dumped Zetsu onto the pull-out couch, Konan stumbled to the room she shared with Pein and Tobi and Deidara went into their own bedroom. Jaye sighed. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Clari."

"Night, Jaye."

"Clari?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think that the Akatsuki get hang overs?"

"With our luck...yeah, they probably do."

Jaye sighed again. "Night, Clari."

"Night, Jaye."

* * *

**If the Akatsuki ever come to live with you, never ever ever ever ever ever EVER let them get drunk. How many Fanfics do you need to read to learn that lesson? Apparently, a lot.**

**"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" - Alfred, Lord Tennyson**

**"I swear to drunk, I am not God" - Who the hell knows? I just love that quote. :) **


	12. Hangover Coffee and Soggy Pancakes

**Chapter Eleven: Hangover Coffee and Soggy Pancakes **

* * *

"And that is exactly why you shouldn't drink a lot at an early age," Lily told the girls. She was referring to Zetsu, whose Venus flytrap-like appendage was shut tight. He refused to drink any water, even though the girls insisted that it would help him feel better.

"I want to be left alone," he said, voice slightly muffled.

"But - "

"_Go away_!"

They left a glass of water by the couch, just in case.

The other Akatsuki members were faring just as horribly. Well, most of them anyway. As it turned out, Itachi and Tobi didn't get hangovers. They assisted the girls and Lily with the others who weren't quite so lucky. Itachi was given only Kisame to take care of. Lily cared for Pein and Konan. Jaye got Hidan and Kakuzu (of course). Clari took care of Zetsu and Deidara. Tobi was to stay in the kitchen and fill cups with water, since the Akatsuki had a tendency to get violent around him.

Lily eventually coaxed Konan and Pein to come downstairs, where coffee was awaiting them. She also gave them Tylenol. They sat in the living room in silence, as the TV was too loud for them to handle. Suddenly, Itachi appeared, dragging a struggling Kisame after him. They went out to the back yard. Lily watched through the window as Itachi stuck the water hose in Kisame's mouth and turned the water on. She chuckled.

oOoOoOoOo

Clari knocked on Deidara's door.

"Don't do that," he groaned from the other side. Clari sighed and opened the door, wrinkling her nose. The room was stuffy and dark. She flicked on the light just long enough to see Deidara curled up in the darkest recesses of his bunk, a pillow bunched over his blond head. He groaned and pulled the pillow cover his eyes. "Turn that damn light off, un!"

"Oops! Sorry," Clari said, hastily flicking the light off once more. She stumbled over to his bunk and shoved the water in his face. He took it from her and downed it gratefully. She watched him with amusement before saying, "So you're this hung over from three beers, huh?"

Deidara glared at her. "I lost count after three."

"I didn't," Clari said.

"It's nice to know you were so concerned about me, un," he said, handing her the cup and shoving his face back into the pillow.

"Actually, I made a bet with Jaye. I thought you would hold out longer, but she thought you'd be done after two or three," she explained loudly, flicking the light on as she walked out the door. "By the way, I lost ten bucks because of you."

Deidara said something rude, but it was smothered by the pillow.

oOoOoOoOo

"HIDAN! KAKUZU!" Jaye yelled, busting down the door to their room. She flicked on the light and opened the window, revealing the strangely sunny morning. Both of her "patients" were glaring at her viciously.

"Shut up, bitch!" Hidan mumbled from his spot.

"Make me," Jaye said. As they reached for the glasses of water she held out to them, she dumped it on their heads.

"BITCH!" Hidan yelled, wincing immediately afterwards.

"What was that for?" Kakuzu asked.

"Last night," Jaye said simply. "I suggest you don't ever get drunk around me again, or I stab your eyes out with your own fingers. That goes for both of you."

"What did we - ?"

"Nothing. Just keep my warning in mind," Jaye said, retreating from the room.

"Hey! What about our waters?"

"You've got legs! Get them yourself!" She slammed the door behind her, satisfied with her revenge.

Several minutes later, the hung over partners were slumping downstairs for their waters.

"Hidan-sama! Kakuzu-sama!" Tobi cheered, thrusting waters in their faces. Kakuzu smacked him on the head.

"Shut up," he growled, taking a gulp of water.

"Tobi is a good boy..."

Kisame burst from the door to the back yard, dripping. "Get away from me!" he yelled, running across the room and down to the basement. A curiously dry Itachi appeared seconds later.

"I don't think he'll be needing any more water," he said.

Zetsu, who had finally emerged from his plant-self after much encouragement from Clari, remarked, "You think?"

Hidan looked around. "Hey! How come we all had to get up but that bastard Deidara gets to sleep in?"

" 'Cause he's Clari's charge, and she's babying him," Jaye explained.

"He had three fucking beers! He shouldn't even be hung over!"

"Feel free to wake him up yourself and get your ass blown off," Clari said, taking his empty cup and filling it with coffee.

"You know what? I will!" Hidan hopped up and stomped upstairs. The crowd in the living room listened patently for the sound of Hidan's demise. After about six seconds, an explosion shook the house and Hidan raced back downstairs, frantically hitting the flames that consumed his clothes. Bear barked in encouragement.

"Stop, drop, and roll!" Lily shouted. Everyone who wasn't from America looked at her like she was crazy. Jaye finally pushed Hidan to the ground and ordered him to _fucking roll!_ He obeyed and the flames were smothered. Just to be safe, Clari splashed a glass of water on his back.

"FUCKING DUMBASS BASTARD!" Hidan yelled up the stairs. Deidara shuffled out of his room, scowling at Hidan irritably.

"Stop talking about yourself that way, un," he countered.

Hidan was about to lunge at the blond artist before Pein grabbed the collar of his charred shirt and threw him to the ground. "I shouldn't have to deal with this early in the morning, especially _this_ morning. Shut up or I will _make_ you shut up."

Hidan spared Deidara one last glower before flopping down on the couch. Jaye smiled as the artist descended down the stairs. "There's our little lightweight!"

"Shut the hell up, un."

"That's what you get for under aged drinking. Isn't that right, Clari?"

"Shut the hell up," Clari grumbled, having remembered her own encounter with alcohol. Never. Again.

"Aw, don't be like that. You know it was funny. Almost as funny as you and Deidara last night," Jaye grinned. She was enjoying this too much.

"You didn't even see him drunk last night," Clari snapped. "You were too busy with Hidan."

"What?" Hidan asked.

"Oh, you don't remember? Well, I'm sure Jaye-Jaye here will tell you_ all _about it."

"Jaye-Jaye? What the fuck?" Hidan said.

"Jaye-Jaye...you know, that does ring a bell," Kakuzu murmured.

"Okay, the next person who says 'Jaye-Jaye' is going to find themselves missing an arm," Jaye threatened.

Deidara shrugged. "Been there, done that."

"Shut up!"

"I think that we should all put this behind us," Pein suggested. "Let's completely forget about it."

The group agreed whole-heartedly. Even Lily, who wasn't present at the time and was infuriatingly curious about what had happened, decided that this was best. Besides, she wasn't sure she wanted to know about anything that had to do with her daughter being "too busy" with anybody. Or her niece. After a long debate between her curiosity and her parental sanity, she decided that she would ask them about it later, in private.

oOoOoOoOo

They spent the day lazing around. Most of the Akatsuki were too hung over to do anything but sit and watch TV (or so they claimed) and the girls were preparing for school, which they were starting in two weeks.

"So, what is this 'high school' again?" Pein inquired as Jaye frantically typed on the keyboard of her computer.

"Dunno, ask Clari," she said.

Clari rolled her eyes. "Jaye, you had the whole summer to do that essay and you're just starting it?"

"Yup. Got a problem with it?"

"School is something we have to go to every fall through spring so we can learn things and get good jobs," Clari explained, ignoring her procrastinator of a cousin.

"I see," Pein said thoughtfully, looking around at his Akatsuki members. "And how old do you have to be?"

"Depends," Clari said truthfully.

"Interesting..." He left several minutes later to go get more coffee. As he poured the steaming liquid into his mug, he happened to notice the date on the calender that was tacked to the refrigerator.

August 25th.

He nearly dropped the mug. They'd been here for nearly two weeks; three or four days, in their world. Pein stared at the calender. How had they gotten so preoccupied? They were only supposed to stay for a week or so before departing. And then they were supposed to resume their mission. His brow furrowed. This is exactly what he was worried about!

So...what? They had to leave? Today? The pounding in his temples said no. But they would have to leave soon. Like, tomorrow. They would have to leave Clari...and Jaye...and Lily...Pein felt an emotion that he wasn't used to. Was it remorse? Regret? That he would have to leave? The leader of the Akatsuki shouldn't be having such feelings, especially over two insignificant girls he'd met two weeks ago.

_But they aren't insignificant_, he thought. And it was true. These girls had become important somehow. Not just a resource to use and manipulate, but...part of the gang. They'd slowly spread their simple charm through the Akatsuki and they'd become increasingly valuable. Pein felt a rare tenderness course through him. _Just like Emi._

And what had happened to her?

This question hardened his resolve. The Akatsuki needed to leave immediately. In the back of his mind, he wondered if Itachi had found the thread that would eliminate the time difference and make it easier to travel between worlds. He knew what this would mean. They could visit the girls more often. Not all together, off course, but whenever a mission went slightly sour the partners could come here for safety. As much as he hated to admit it though, he knew that they would have to leave whether Itachi had found it or not. They could delay no longer.

oOoOoOoOo

"We're leaving tomorrow."

Ten heads snapped in Pein's direction.

"What?" Konan asked.

"We are leaving tomorrow," Pein repeated. "We've been here long enough. It's time to go."

There was absolute silence in the room. Then the Akatsuki let out yells and cheers. They stood up, hooting and hollering about finally going home. Amidst the chaos, Clari looked at Jaye and saw her own expression mirrored on her cousin's face. Shock. Horror. And, yeah, a little bit of betrayal. They all knew this day was coming but...so soon? She didn't know it would hit her this hard. She felt blindsided, ambushed. She hadn't expected to become so attached to these nine criminals.

So now what?

Clari felt eyes on her and turned to meet Pein's strange ringed ones. She forced a smile on her face and mustered all her meager acting skills when she gave him her congratulations. Jaye muttered something that sounded like "Good for you" but it wasn't very convincing. Clari doubted her act was either. The Akatsuki were completely oblivious to this. They were too excited. Clari couldn't say she blamed them. How would she feel if she went to the _Naruto_ world with them for two weeks?

Well, maybe that wasn't the best example.

Deidara suddenly scooped her off the couch and crushed her in a gigantic bear hug.

"Ugh! I can't breathe!" she complained. He'd already set her down to be jostled around by the crowd. She picked her way between the cloaked fugitives and retreated into the corner, kneeling down to pet Bear. Even he seemed a bit down. Jaye came to sit beside them too. They watched the Akatsuki celebrate.

The door opened and Lily walked in, only to be pulled into the ecstatic Akatsuki. "What on Earth - "

"We're going home!" Konan exclaimed.

Lily smiled, genuinely happy for her friend. "Good for you! When are you leaving?"

As Konan got Lily up to date, Clari wished she could be happy for the Akatsuki too. But she couldn't, not while wallowing in her own misery.

"Well, we'll have to make something special to celebrate, right Clari?" Lily suggested, turning to her niece in the emo corner.

"Right," Clari whispered.

Tobi gasped. "Cake!"

"We'll make cake then," Lily chuckled. "Come on, Clari. Let's go get started on that. You want to help, Jaye?"

The girls nodded and followed Lily into the kitchen. Anything to get away from all that _joy_. They walked in only to have a knife stuck in their faces.

"Mom!" Jaye said.

"You two are being completely selfish," Lily lectured, waving the knife around. "The Akatsuki are so happy that they finally get to go home, and you're moping in the corner! You should be happy for them, dammit!"

"Lily, we're never going to see them again," Clari said. "It's kinda hard to be happy right now."

"Then try!"

"We are - "

"Not good enough!"

"Wait!" Jaye shouted. She grabbed Clari by the shoulders. "What did you say?"

"It's kinda hard to be happy right now?"

"Before that!"

"Lily, we're never going to see them again?"

"That's it!" Jaye said.

"What's it?"

"Konan! She told me that Itachi was looking for a way to visit us that doesn't have a time difference!"

"Okay..." Clari said.

"That means that they can visit more often, and we won't be old hags when they do!" Jaye explained.

A slow grin spread over Clari's face. "Awesome!"

"Wait," Lily ordered. "Has Itachi done that?"

"Well...I dunno," Jaye admitted. "Konan just mention it in passing."

"When was this?" Clari inquired.

"When...um...you were at the store with Deidara," Jaye lied.

"Whatever, we can ask them about it later," Lily dismissed. "We need to get started on the cake."

"What cake?" the girls said together.

Lily reached on top of the fridge and pulled out a recipe box. She shifted through the little yellowed index cards until she came up with one and stuck it in the girls' faces. "This cake."

"Triple chocolate delight cake," Clari read.

Jaye nudged her, grinning. "I love you, Mom."

"I know, I know," Lily said.

oOoOoOoOo

For dinner, they decided to have a barbecue. Clari made mac and cheese (_real _mac and cheese, not the crap you get from a box), mashed potatoes, pasta salad, and arranged several bags of chips on a table. She also made nacho-cheese dip, spinach dip, and salsa. When Lily and Jaye worked on the cake, she went outside to grill the hamburgers and hot dogs.

Lily and Jaye had their hands full with the triple chocolate delight cake. This particular cake took all day to make, but the results were heavenly. It was layer after layer of homemade chocolate cake and homemade chocolate frosting, with chunky chocolate chips dispersed throughout. And since the group was so large, they had to make a big ass cake. By the time they managed to wrangle the first cake into the oven, they were covered in flower and chocolate.

"Now for the next tier," Lily said with a sigh.

Hidan walked in and took in the two girls covered in baking ingredients. He started laughing. Jaye's fist tightened around an egg and, before Lily could stop her, she threw it at Hidan...who caught it without blinking. Jaye gaped.

"It...it didn't even break," she said in disbelief.

Lily stepped between them. "Okay, okay. I don't want my kitchen any messier than it already is, so Hidan...give me the egg."

"Okay," Hidan said, shrugging. Then he threw the egg at Lily, hitting the side of her head and covering it in gooey yolk. Lily's eyes narrowed. She grabbed the bag of flower off the counter and spilled the contents in Hidan's face.

"Can't catch that, can you?" she said smugly, throwing the bag to the ground. Hidan's eye twitched. He spit the powdery substance from his mouth.

"It's on," he said. He grabbed every spice, every egg, every slice of bread he could get his hands on and chucked them at Lily and Jaye. They retorted accordingly, until the whole kitchen was a hurricane of food. Clari walked in, a plate brimming with hot dogs and hamburgers in hand.

"What the hell?" she exclaimed. Hidan knocked into her and she dumped the steaming food all over him.

"FUCK!" he yelled, frantically trying to get the hot meat out of his clothes.

"Dammit, Hidan!" Clari yelled. "Now I have to make another batch!"

"Shut the fuck up! It's her fault!" Hidan said, pointing an accusing finger at Lily.

Clari snorted and picked up the plate. "Yeah, right. The only responsible adult in this house besides Pein and Konan started the massive food fight in the kitchen. I'd totally believe it."

"Well, believe it bitch! It's true!" Hidan said.

"Riiight."

Hidan threw a handful of flower in her face.

And that was how Clari was drawn into the food fight.

oOoOoOoOo

They ended up ordering pizza as the celebration dinner. Luckily, there was a sale: buy five large pizzas, get a sixth free. They also got pie, since the triple chocolate delight cake burned to a crisp in the oven. For the second time in a course of two weeks, the fire department called.

Kisame belched, setting down the box of pizza he'd managed to finish off by himself. "Well, that was satisfying."

Jaye waved the greasy stench of pizza-breath from her face. "Ew. That was really, really gross."

"You're welcome," Kisame said, flashing a shark-tooth smile.

"You need to teach your bitches some manners, Pein," Jaye remarked.

"What did you call us, bitch?" Hidan roared

"You fucking heard me, bastard!"

"No fighting tonight," Pein commanded. "You can fight with whomever you want when we get home."

"So, when are you guys visiting again?" Clari said smoothly.

"We...don't know...whenever we need a hideout again, I suppose."

"But with the time difference and how much power it takes to get here...how long would that be?" Clari asked.

Everyone was listening in now, curious themselves. Pein cleared his throat. "For you, probably several years."

Clari's hopes sank. So Itachi hadn't created a miracle. They were leaving, and the girls weren't going to see them for years. Her mood circulated through the room as everyone swallowed this new information they hadn't really considered. Even Itachi looked kind of sad. As for the girls, the expressions on their faces were painful to look at. Pure sorrow. Jaye sniffed and quickly left the room. Bear followed her loyally. They didn't come back down.

The happy mood didn't make a reappearance. People slowly drifted off to bed in twos and threes. Clari was the last to go, as she was finishing up the kitchen. When she finally did make it to bed, she ran into Deidara in the hallway.

"Oh, sorry," she said, side stepping out of the way. He side stepped the same way, and they ended up running into each other again. After several failed attempts at passing each other, all ending with similar results, Deidara finally grabbed her by the shoulders and wheeled them in a circle.

"There," he said. They stood in the hallway awkwardly for a minute.

"What're you doing up so late?" Clari asked.

Deidara scowled at the door. "Damn Tobi won't quit sniffing, un. He's sad that we're leaving you guys."

"Oh," Clari said. "Well, um, you could..."

Deidara raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's your last night here anyway. What difference will it make?"

"Admit it, you just want to see The Deidara first hand," he said. "You do love me, after all. 'More than the art that fuels your every waking minute.' "

Clari blushed vividly. "You were drunk! Drunk people aren't supposed to remember things."

"I'm special," Deidara said.

"Ain't that the truth?" she muttered.

Deidara flopped onto her bed, a motion that he was all too familiar with. "So does that mean you'll miss me, un?"

Clari crawled under the covers. "Of course I'll miss you. I'll miss all of you guys."

Deidara pulled her to the center of the bed with him and held her thoughtfully for a moment. "Do you want me to leave, un?"

"No, but you have to. I get it." Clari yawned. "Just make sure you don't completely forget about me and Jaye. Visit us sometime, 'kay?"

"Okay," Deidara promised. Clari snuggled closer to him, too familiar with him to be uncomfortable anymore. Besides, by the time she saw him again she'd probably be old and married and she wouldn't be able to do this. Might as well enjoy it while it lasted. Though she was dreading tomorrow, her eyes fluttered closed and she fell into a troubled sleep.

oOoOoOoOo

Bear left Jaye's room for the first night since she'd gotten him.

She looked at the empty spot at her feet where he always laid. She ran her hand across the area, picking at little tuffs of fur. It was bad enough that the best thing that'd ever happened to her was leaving tomorrow, but her dog chose tonight to leave too? Jaye didn't know she could feel so alone.

Suddenly the cracked door was thrown open. Hidan stood in the doorway, holding her slobbering dog away from his body. "You lost something."

"Thanks," she said. Hidan dropped the dog on the bed. He looked up at the Jashinist with his big brown puppy eyes. It was so sad, it almost made Hidan pity it. Almost. He looked away from the dog to scowl at it's owner, only to find the same expression on her face. He looked from Bear, to Jaye, to Bear again, and finally Jaye.

"You're making the puppy face at me," he said.

"Am not," Jaye muttered.

Hidan picked up her dog and turned him around so she could see his face. "Yeah, you are."

"Well, it's your own damn fault."

"What the fuck! How is it my fault?"

Jaye did not answer, just crossed her arms and looked away.

"Aw, you're gonna miss me!" Hidan said.

Jaye glared. "In order for me to miss you, you have to leave first."

"You're totally gonna miss me, bitch! Haha!"

"I find it interesting that you see this as an accomplishment," Jaye scoffed. "Besides, it's not like you won't miss me, too."

Hidan was silent.

"Do you really want to leave?" Jaye asked.

"Fuck yes!"

"Oh."

Hidan winced. "It's not because of you or anything...I just wanna go home."

"So you don't wanna leave, you just wanna go home," Jaye said. "Okay, I can stomach that."

Hidan stretched and yawned. "I'm fucking tired. Stay," he ordered, pointing a finger at Bear.

"Night, bastard," Jaye said, smiling to herself.

"Night, bitch."

Hidan closed the door behind him. He noticed Deidara sneaking out of Clari's room at the same time. The assessed each other for a moment, thinking about the irony to their predicament. Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"Bear fucking followed me to my room and I was giving him back to Jaye," Hidan explained. "So get any sick ideas you might have out of your head."

"Riiight. Okay, un."

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I have to pee," Deidara said blankly.

Hidan shook his head. "That's not what I - ah, fuck. Nevermind. Go pee."

Deidara nodded and they went their separate ways, certain that the other wouldn't speak of previous events.

oOoOoOoOo

The next morning, Lily was the first to get up. She called in and took the day off work, certain that the girls would need her. She started breakfast so Clari wouldn't have to. _I'm so considerate,_ she thought to herself as she whipped up some chocolate chip pancakes; Jaye's favorite.

It seemed like the house took longer to wake then it normally did. It was well after nine o'clock by the time someone besides Zetsu came down. The pancakes were cold by the time Clari and Deidara piled some on their plates. No one said anything about the fact that Deidara had slept in her room, not even Lily. It seemed to sullen a morning for such trivial things as teasing. By ten-thirty, everyone was sitting at the table...except Jaye.

"We should probably get her up," Clari suggested, looking at Hidan.

"I'll do it," he said. He got up and left the table. Several minutes later, he came back down with a screaming Jaye slung over his shoulder and an excited Bear barking at his heels. He sat Jaye in the seat he had just vacated and shoved a plate of pancakes in her direction. "Eat."

Jaye picked at her pancakes until they were syrup-sogged crumbs on her plate. But she didn't eat any, even if they were her favorite. She wasn't hungry.

The kitchen was silent and gray. Finally, Pein cleared his throat and said, "I suppose we should pack up our things and get ready to leave."

There were murmurs of agreement and the Akatsuki left to pack their meager belongings.

Konan stopped Pein as they entered their room. "Pein."

"What?"

"You're not going to tell her?" she uttered, shutting the door.

"Tell who what?"

"You know who what! I can't believe you aren't going to tell Clari."

"There's nothing to tell," Pein said.

Konan gaped at him. "You could be her father!"

"Could be. There's no reason to burden her with the information now. It's too late for it to have any meaning to her...or me."

"That's bull!" Konan exclaimed. "She has a right to know!"

"She doesn't care," Pein said. "If she really wants to know, then I'll tell her."

"So if she comes right out and asks you if you're her father, you'll tell her the truth?"

"Yes."

"Why would she do that?" Konan said, exasperated.

"I don't know," Pein admitted. He scowled. "It doesn't matter. I will tell her when I feel like it, and you will not."

Konan gritted her teeth and went to pack her things.

oOoOoOoOo

"Damn it, Kakuzu!"

"Well, if you didn't bring so much shit with you we wouldn't have this problem!"

"I am a devoted Jashinist, and I am insulted by your calling my religious items shit."

"What're you gonna do, sacrifice me?"

"Don't give me any fucking ideas."

The others heard the bickering pair all the way downstairs.

"We might actually be here until tomorrow," Kisame muttered.

The partners eventually made it down, glaring at each other.

"Finally!" Zetsu said. "What took you so long?"

"Hidan's Jashinist shit," Kakuzu accused.

The Akatsuki stood in a group in the center of the living room, ready to leave. Clari and Jaye stood beside them awkwardly. They were never any good at goodbyes.

Tobi got the ball rolling by crushing the girls in a death grip. "TOBI WILL MISS YOU SO MUCH!"

"We'll miss you too, Tobi," Clari assured, giving him a hug back.

"Yeah, whatever," Jaye mumbled.

They did not hesitate to hug the rest of the Akatsuki members, even Itachi. Deidara gave Clari's hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go. Hidan gave Jaye a squeeze too, but it was not her hand.

"You bastard!"

"What?"

"You grabbed by ass!"

"I did not!"

"You did!"

Pein sighed. "I think that is one thing I will not miss."

As Clari pulled away from Pein's hug, she slipped something in his hand. It was a tiny silver cell phone.

"Keep in touch," she said hoarsely.

Pein nodded. "Definitely."

Suddenly, there was a sob from the corner. Lily tackled Konan, wailing. "I'm gonna miss you so much!"

Konan laughed and hugged Lily back. "Me too."

"Mom is devoid of friends," Jaye explained. "You and Mrs. Rhonda...yeah, that's about it."

Lily gave the Akatsuki members hugs as well, unable to contain herself. How she managed to hold an important, professional job at work was beyond her daughter, who had never once in her life seen Lily as "professional."

The three of them backed away, Jaye restraining Bear so he wouldn't be sucked in the vortex or whatever it was called. They shared one final goodbye. Itachi said some words, too fast for the girls to follow. There was a bright light and a slight wind.

And the Akatsuki ceased to exist in their world.

* * *

**Don't you hate endings? They're the worst part of the story. I really do wish I could continue on, but I've run out of ideas. But as soon as my crazy brain is restocked, you can bet I'll be writing again. I'm definitely not done with the Akatsuki. ;) **


	13. Bleak Horizons and Kitchen Surprises

**Epilogue: Bleak Horizons and Kitchen Surprises**

* * *

Two miserable weeks passed by, slow and painful. The house was hauntingly empty without the Akatsuki's presence. Jaye, like her mother, incorporated her sorrow into her work, and spent several days shut up in her room finishing various summer projects that she had to complete. Clari wandered through the halls of her empty home, practically stifling a sob every time she walked by a place that reminded her of the Akatsuki. She did this a lot. Lily tried her best to cheer the girls up, but soon saw that only time (or a call from the Akatsuki) would heal them. She went back into work.

Eventually the girls started their junior year of high school. This did little to ease the pain of their loss. Clari kept her cell phone with her at all times. September passed in a meaningless gray blur.

There was no sign of the Akatsuki.

As they headed into October, the girls faced the fact that they would have to move on. They did their best, but they couldn't seem to completely erase the depression that overtook the house. Without a phone call, what assurance did they have that it wasn't all a dream?

One Saturday morning, Jaye heard her cell phone beep. She had a habit of never answering her texts or voice mail, so no one ever really contacted her. As you can imagine, this tone from her cell phone surprised her. She lunged for it frantically, knocking down several things from her dresser. Including two baseballs. She still hadn't picked those up.

"Hello?" she said breathlessly. Only to realize that it was a text she'd received. She checked her inbox. The message was from Ryan. _Mall l8r?_

Jaye sighed. She'd blown Ryan off frequently since the Akatsuki left. Ryan had surely realized that something was up and would probably do something about it soon. But Jaye couldn't bring herself to go to the mall today. She doubted Clari would want to either. _Can't, Ry. Busy. _

Ryan replied several minutes later. _Ooof course u r._

_Srry. _

_Whatev. I'll just ask Seth_. Jaye knew not to reply. Ryan had been "asking Seth" a lot lately. She wouldn't be surprised if they started dating soon. Perhaps they already were. Not like she would know. She laid back down, clutching the phone in her hand. Bear looked at her with concern. Everyone looked at her with concern, except Clari.

"I know," Jaye said, petting his head. "Next time I'll go. Okay?"

She could almost see Bear rolling his eyes. _Right. That's what you said last time, and the time before that, and the time before that..._

Clari walked in. She'd changed a lot in a month in a half. Lost some weight. Gotten paler. But what bothered Jaye most was that she hadn't dyed her hair. It was still red streaks, as it was when the Akatsuki left. It was the longest she'd ever kept a color the same. She was somehow...off. Not haggard, exactly, but close to it. Jaye knew she looked similarly.

Behind Clari came Lily. She'd been sad for the first week or so, but she got on with her life. Lily steered Clari into Jaye's catastrophic room and sat her down on the bed.

"Girls," Lily said sternly. "You've been moping long enough. It's been a month. They'll contact you soon, or they won't contact you at all. You can't behave like this any more."

They nodded.

But Lily wasn't through. "Do you think they're wallowing around like widows? No! They're starting new missions and things. Continuing on with their lives. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes," the girls said.

"Good. I want to start seeing some life around this house again. Go to the movies with Ryan. Get your jobs back. Do _something_ or I will get you a therapist."

Jaye scoffed at this. "And tell them what? We're depressed because our friends from another world left us? We'll be locked in a rubber room."

"Well, if that's what it takes to get you back, then so be it," Lily declared. She wheeled around and marched out of the room. Clari winced as the front door slammed several minutes later.

"Did Ryan text you?" she asked.

"Yes," Jaye replied.

"Give her the busy excuse?"

"Yeah. You?"

Clari nodded. "Should we text her back?"

"No. Not today. Next time."

"Okay." The sat there for several long minutes. Jaye's stomach growled as the smell of coffee wafted through the house. They walked downstairs and entered the kitchen to get some breakfast.

Konan was there, pouring herself a cup of coffee. She turned and smiled. "Hello, girls."

They gaped at her for a moment. Someone tapped on Clari's shoulder. With a lingering look at Konan, she wheeled around to see none other than the Akatsuki leader himself. "Excuse me, but I would like to get some coffee."

"PEIN!" she squealed, barreling into him. Jaye soon joined their group hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Didn't we tell you? Itachi found the thread without a time difference. Now we can come whenever we want," Konan explained. Clari and Jaye gave her a hug too. It was like a weight had been taken off their shoulders, being able to see someone from the Akatsuki again. It was as if this solidified their stories, made them concrete. They were here, they were real, and they weren't a figment of the girls' imagination. Everything, it had actually happened.

"Of course you didn't tell us! We haven't heard from you since you left!" Jaye accused.

"That's because you didn't show us how to work the phone properly," Pein said. He handed them the silver device. "Perhaps you should teach us while we're here."

"How long are you staying? Where's everyone else?"

"We plan to stay for a day or two. It's only us for now. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get someone else here soon," Pein said, rolling his eyes.

Clari and Jaye just looked at each other and smiled.

* * *

**THE END!**

**CHECK OUT THE SEQUEL!**

**I LOVE ALL THOSE WHO REVIEW!**

**THANKS FOR READING!**

**- SMURF**


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